Persuasion
by SEZCPL
Summary: At the age of 19, Casey made a decision and for 15 years she has had to live with the consequences. Now, in her early thirties, with a successful career and a stable if incomplete life she will be forced to deal with her demons or should that be demon?
1. A Visit Home

"I've put you in the spare room." Mom said to me. "We're decorating your room, and with the house being so full the only other bed was Der…the spare room."

I nodded. Both of us knew she was going to say 'Derek's room'. And in some ways it still was, I suppose; just not when _I_ visited. When I visited, it was the _spare_ room. As if I wasn't supposed to know about its former owner.

I wondered, briefly, if it had been the other way around would she have said the same to Derek?

Did she?

"Thanks Mom. I can take it from here, I know your hip will hurt if you try and make it up the stairs."

Mom nodded. "Thanks Case. I'll let you get settled and then we can catch up." I smiled at her. Despite every thing, she was still my mom and I loved her.

I took the stairs, carrying my small suitcase and vanity box. I knew what 'catching up' meant. It meant I was going to get grilled about my love life – in detail.

Nora had three adult daughters and despite being the eldest, I was the only one not in a relationship.

Oh the _pressure_!

I climbed the familiar staircase. It had been about four months since my last visit to the McDonald-Venturi residence. I thought that sentence through and immediately thought of my friend Angela. She was a Catholic and she had told me that when she went to confession she had to repeat a standard formula.

My mouth turned up into a small, wry smile as I adapted the formula to my own circumstance.

"Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been about four months since my last confession and these are my sins…I fell in love with my step-brother."

I could joke about it these days and chuckling, I reached the landing and turned the corner, past the games cupboard. For a moment, I was transported back eighteen years to the sound of a whispered conversation between my young siblings.

"_My client would like yours to understand the terms." I heard Lizzie say. "There's a 'Be Nice' clause, Edwin."_

I smiled. Edwin was a successful businessman, now. And Lizzie…she was still trying to make the world a better place. She was seeing some guy who was big at Greenpeace …but at least she and Ed were still talking.

If I was going to _my_ room I would have passed the bathroom and Marti's room and turned left before Lizzie's room. But I wasn't. I was turning left even earlier. Tonight I would lie in the bed that _he_ had lain in. In the bed, we had once kissed on; on the bed where it had all ended.

It wasn't the exact bed. This all happened fifteen years ago and George and Nora had replaced the bed and its mattress more than seven years ago. But it was still the same room. As I pushed open the door with my foot, I gasped, realising little had changed.

And I was transported back fifteen years.

"_Knock, much."_

"_Hey you never knock on my door so why should I knock on yours?"_

"_Seriously, Casey? Are we going to argue like fifteen year olds again?"_

_I had smirked. "Knowing us…yeah."_

_The bane of my existence smiled._

_Then he had held out his hand and I had taken it, aware that we weren't fifteen anymore and the animosity between was an act – being realistic, it had always been an act._

_He pulled me to him, and I let his hands settle on my waist._

"_I wasted so much time, Casey." He said, pressing his head into my stomach. "I should never have ignored you."_

_And I had smiled. "You aren't ignoring me now." I replied with a smile._

"_No princess, I guess not." He smirked. "Last night was unbelievable! I am so looking forward to repeating it, as often as I possibly can."_

_I had laughed and he had pulled me backwards onto his bed._

"_I love you Casey McDonald. I will always love you."_

"_Good." I leant over him, watching as his eyebrows pulled into a frown._

"_Say it, Spacey. Or I'll announce at dinner tonight what you and I did to each other last night in the dorm."_

_I grinned. "I dare you."_

_He rolled me over onto my back and pressed his body against me. "Say it, princess."_

_I smiled. "I love you, Derek. I have always loved you. I will always love you."_

_And then we had kissed, long and hard, and in a way that made me curse vacation time and wish we were back at Queens, in my room, making love. Like last night._

I sat on the bed and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

If only I had known.

* * *

I awoke the following morning to the sound of a baby crying, and leapt out of bed, knowing what it was. Marti and Simon were here and so was Polly, their daughter.

I showered and dressed quickly and then charged down the stairs.

"Smarti!" I shouted, unconsciously adopting Derek's form of address for his favourite sibling.

"Smasey!" Marti replied and then I was wrapped in the young woman's arms, her face in my hair whispering. "God! I've missed you, Casey."

We pulled apart and she noted the tears in my eyes.

"How are you doing?" she asked. It was pointed. But now was not the time to talk.

"I'm fine. We'll talk later, hun." I murmured.

Marti nodded and I transferred my attention to Simon, Marti's boyfriend and their little girl, Polly who, in three days time, would turn one. Her birthday was the reason we were all here.

We breakfasted on pancakes and eggs and Simon had us rolling around in stitches over his latest anecdotes. Simon was a local doctor, and five years older than Marti. They had met when she slipped and fell in a nightclub. He always joked that he fell harder than she did that night.

They were completely devoted to each other, and Simon had proposed twenty times. But each time he was realistic. He knew she would say no.

Marti had told him a few years ago when it was obvious that they were in it for the long haul that she wouldn't marry him. She wouldn't marry anyone until she could guarantee that _all_ her family would come to her wedding; together.

And that included Derek.

Even Simon was starting to understand that he might never get a wedding ring on her finger.

* * *

Lizzie and Edwin arrived later on, separately. Lizzie's boyfriend, Trash wasn't able to make it this vacation, so she had come alone. Edwin too, the workaholic that he was hadn't a partner with him. It was the first time in many years that they had attended one of these family get-together things as singletons.

I wondered if Lizzie and Edwin had commented on it to each other in one of their regular phone calls. I watched them carefully, and saw Edwin, unwittingly slipping into the 'boyfriend' role for my younger sister. He held doors open for her, helped her off with her coat and took her bags upstairs.

A strange twisted jealousy hit me. They had lost something the way I had. It just hadn't ruined their lives the way it had, for me.

We laughed and joked as a family and it felt almost like a complete family, especially when Robbie returned from his date and the youngest Venturi kissed his baby niece.

I watched my fifteen year old half-brother with pride. He had grown so well.

I remembered his arrival and the resulting disruption and I remembered Derek's joy that the 'balance' of the sexes in our house had been restored.

We'd had a few arguments about that.

I was close to Robbie. He phoned me sometimes when George and Nora got too heavy with him; he had a more restricted life than Derek and Edwin had at the same age.

Like Marti's refusal to marry. Robbie's rigid family rules were all my fault.

Mine and Derek's.

It didn't help that he looked like Derek at fifteen.

That killed me. The same deep brown eyes, the same smirk.

* * *

After breakfast, Mom and George announced they were taking Polly to the park to feed the ducks. Edwin and Simon took their coffees to the back porch to discuss the economy and I found myself cornered by my two sisters.

I thought of Marti as my full sister now. She had been in my life far longer than the short period of time that I had existed without her. She had grown and matured in her teens, and although she still had the odd _odd_ moment, as an adult she had become one of my closest friends, and a confident.

She needed to be. She was a link to the insanity that was my past.

And we shared a love for the same person.

Hers of course was a sisterly affection. The sort Mom and George had wanted me to feel. But I never could.

And Lizzie.

We had shared so much together through our pre-Venturi days, that even though our paths crossed less frequently now, I could always pick up our friendship within seconds.

I was freshening up in the spare room when they pounced; Marti leading the way.

"God! I wish I had your figure, Case! Every time I see you I live in hope that you've run to seed. No baby bulge for you."

Then she thought about what she had said. "Sorry, Case. I didn't mean…"

I grinned at her. "Marti. I've known you far too long to take offence at that. So stop fretting. My lack of baby bulge is down to my criminally poor love life, so therefore entirely my own fault."

Lizzie came into the room. "I know a great orthodontist if you are looking for a blind date."  
"A blind date or bridge work?" I retorted. Marti laughed.

"Give up, Liz. She won't do it. Casey's love life has always been a mystery to us mere mortals." Marti settled beside me on the bed. "This room has so many memories. I wonder at Nora putting you in here."

I shrugged. "Where else would she put me? The walls are wet in my room. I don't mind it in here. It's cathartic."

Lizzie laughed. "I never thought I'd hear you say that about Derek's bedroom. You used to wash your hands pointedly every time you emerged from it when you were Robbie's age."

We all smiled at the memory. I turned to Marti and raised an eyebrow.

"And?"

Marti picked at the comforter. "And what?" although she knew.

"How is he?" I tried to still my shaking hands.

"He's Derek, Casey. Little changes."

I rolled my eyes and flopped back onto the bed. "When did you last see him?"

"Last week. He came over to give Polly her birthday present before the hockey tour. And to apologise again." Marti shuffled up so that Lizzie could join us on the bed. "I told him it wasn't a problem that he would miss her birthday, at least she had seen him then. I didn't tell him that you were coming instead…I think he sort of assumes that if he isn't coming, then you do."

"I'm sorry Marti." I apologised for the thousandth time.

"Don't Casey. I don't blame either of you. It just makes me sad that my daughter will never see two of the most important people in my life in the same room."

Lizzie leaned back on her elbows. "Let me guess. Simon proposed again?"

Marti grinned. "Of course. And before you ask, the answer was still no."

I sighed.

Lizzie caught Marti's eye. "Does he ask about Casey?"

Marti glanced at me, but she needn't have worried. I knew the answer.

"No. He never does."


	2. A Voice

Polly was bemused by all the attention but at least she looked reasonably happy. She had most of her family around her and Granddad Ger-Ger was making that silly noise that always made her giggle.

I raised my camera and clicked away as Simon and Marti blew out her birthday candles and whisked the cake off to the kitchen to be cut. Then Edwin lifted his niece in the air and 'flew' her back to the rug for a game of 'Knock down Uncle Ed's tower'. Mom and George sat on the sidelines laughing.

In the midst of the ensuing mayhem, the phone rang.

Everyone else was busy and I was standing next to it, so I answered it.

"Hello?"

Nothing.

I wondered if it was one of those computer-generated calls designed to test whether the phone line was active. I was just about to hang up when a voice spoke.

"Can I speak to Marti, please?"

And then I knew.

"Marti!" I called in a strangled voice. My sister appeared in the kitchen doorway.

"What's up?" She asked and then looked at me properly. I obviously looked ill because she was at my side in an instant.

"Casey?"

I handed her the phone. "Derek." I said quietly by way of explanation.

Her eyes widened, as well they might. For the first time in fifteen years, I had just heard Derek's voice.

She took the receiver and turned unconsciously from me.

"Hi D!" She said with false cheeriness and walked back towards the kitchen. On the way, she tapped Lizzie on the shoulder and made a signal towards me. Lizzie caught the look on my face and the next thing I knew I was being propelled up the stairs to my room.

But not before I heard Marti say quietly. "Yes, Derek. It was."

* * *

"Are you okay?" Lizzie said as I washed my face in the bathroom.

I nodded. "Yes. Just a little unnerved that's all."

Lizzie snorted. "Unnerved? I though I was going to have to perform CPR. What got you so shocked? Who was on the phone?"

"Derek." I said, using his name for once. Lizzie whistled.

"Oh Casey." She exclaimed sympathetically.

"What? It's perfectly acceptable for him to phone here. It's his family too."

"Yes…but…hell Casey! How awkward!"

I dried my face and led the way back to my/Derek's room so that I could re-apply my make-up.

"We're grown adults, Lizzie. I can handle a three second phone call."

Lizzie perched on the bed. "It didn't look like that from where I was standing."

"It took me by surprise. That's all." I chuckled. "I think it must have taken him by surprise as well. He took a massive pause before he spoke."

"I'll bet. Did he sound the same?"

I looked at her. "Did he sound the same to you when you last saw him?"

"That was only a year ago. It's been fifteen years for you."

"I think he sounded the same. The last time we spoke he wasn't Derek." I admitted quietly. Lizzie slipped an arm around my shoulders.

"I wish I could turn back the clock." She said, pressing a kiss in my hair.

I laughed humourlessly. "How would that change anything? I'd still make the same decision."

Lizzie looked at me in surprise. "Really?"

I nodded. "It was a choice between us and our family. How could I choose anything else?"

"Derek thought you should have chosen differently."

"That's because Derek, as per usual didn't think it through."

Lizzie dropped her arm. "Casey. He said was in love with you. You told him you felt the same way. Even I can see how you breaking it off twenty four hours later would hurt him badly."

I grimaced. "Well as Mom very carefully pointed out to me. Derek Venturi doesn't do love or commitment. I was on a hiding to nothing. And Mom was right, he didn't last a month before he was dating someone else."

Lizzie grew angry. "Mom had no right to interfere."

I sighed. "Lizzie. I don't blame her. She saw me entering into an ill-advised relationship and she warned me off. That's what Moms do."

"She warned you off a relationship with Derek! Her own step-son, and incidentally, the one person we all knew you should be with."

"And he may very well have dated again soon after, but that doesn't mean you didn't hurt him badly." Marti said from the doorway. "Very badly."

"What did he want?" It was Lizzie who asked, not me.

"To wish Polly a Happy Birthday." Marti said simply. I could tell from her expression she was not happy with what she had overhead Lizzie and me talking about.

"Look girls. Please let's not argue about this. It's water under the bridge, okay? It all happened a decade and a half ago. Derek and I tried a relationship and it fell at the first hurdle. Mom was right to raise her concerns. Obviously, I wish there had been some way to keep the friendship he and I had, but I understand why he left. I don't blame him at all." My voice trailed off.

Marti sighed.

"Casey. I'm really pleased that you have forgiven Nora for her little pep-talk. It's nice that someone has. Because I never will. She's my step-mom and I love her to pieces but what she did was wrong." Marti turned and left the room.

Lizzie got up and went to shut the door.

"What about you, Lizzie? Do you forgive her?"

Lizzie took a deep breath. "The injury to me was only second hand. It was a mutual decision for Ed and me when we saw how mom felt about you and Derek. We kept our friendship."

Liz was right. No one else knew that a relationship had been brewing between her and Edwin too. But when Mom stepped in to offer me her 'helpful' advice about Derek and I broke the relationship off, the resulting trauma caused Liz and Ed to reconsider their relationship. It stopped before it had even started.

Fortunately for them, _they_ at least had managed to remain friends.

Although sometimes when it was only the three of us in the same room I would catch them looking at each other in a way which made me wonder if they were really happy with the way things had turned out.

* * *

"Hey Ed!" I said sitting down beside my youngest step-brother. He grinned and slung an arm around me. It was a move that thirteen year old Edwin would have cut his arm off before making.

Time changes a lot of things.

"How's my favourite step-sister?" he asked.

"I heard that!" A voice came from the kitchen and we both laughed.

"I'm good, Ed. How is 'New York's most eligible bachelor?' I saw the article in Newsweek."

He chuckled. "If I actually went around calling myself that you could sue me for breach of contract."

Edwin, like me, lived in New York. In fact, he lived five blocks from me. We saw a lot of each other and had become quite close. We had the brother-sister relationship our parents had dreamed of. He was one of my closest friends.

"You make all the secretaries in our office swoon."

"Aren't three of them male?" he countered.

"What's that got to do with anything?" I grinned.

We chatted on for a while about some of our mutual friends and an up and coming gallery opening he wanted me to accompany him to. When George and Mom were busy with Polly, however, he leaned over.

"So…you talked to D then?"

I shook my head. "No Ed. I said 'hello' and at that point I didn't know who was on the other end of the phone. All he said was 'Can I speak to Marti, please?'"

Ed sighed. "Some days I want to shove his teeth to the back of his throat."

Which was complete bull because Edwin and Derek were close still. They emailed often and occasionally met up to watch a baseball game.

This was why I could only do the trip back to London a couple of times a year. It was because everything became raw again. Even Ed who I could see for the whole of the rest of the year in New York and he wouldn't mention Derek at all felt compelled to discuss him when we were back in the family home.

It didn't take me long to excuse myself and have an early night.

* * *

I was going home the next day, back to New York. Edwin and I were making the journey together – he'd insisted on upgrading my ticket for me, although I made good money with my job as a literary editor for the biggest publishing house in New York. When I got back to my room in my parents' house I picked up my suitcase and started to repack.

Over the years, I had become good at packing. For a while I had toyed with the idea of being a travel writer and there had been a couple of years of back-to-back trips to exotic places. But I had missed home, so these days the only trips I made were between Canada and New York.

I laid the clothes gently but efficiently into the small space, brushing a hand over them to rid the fabric of creases. In the process, I accidentally knocked a ball of socks onto the floor and they rolled under the bed.

I knew that Mom had been struggling to do the housework with her arthritic hip, so George had started paying someone to do the heavy stuff for her. As I wriggled under the bed to retrieve my socks I sneezed with the dust and noted that the cleaner obviously needed to be shown the extension attachment on the vacuum cleaner. I waded through the dust and grabbed my socks, and started to pull myself out.

That's when I saw it.

A tiny corner of paper wedged in between some under bed storage boxes full of jumpers Mom would never wear again. I pulled it and the paper came away easily into my hand. It was a photograph and as I straightened up and sat on the edge of the bed I could hardly breathe. It was a photograph of me and Derek.

The only photograph of us together; as a couple.

I remembered it being taken as if it were yesterday. One of our friends at university had used Derek's camera and Derek had pulled me onto his lap and folded his arms around me possessively.

"Mine." He had said in my ear. It had tickled and I had turned to look at him in surprise.

The photograph was of us looking at each other.

It was obvious we were in love.

There had been two copies of this picture. Derek had written on the back of mine. His scrawl said.

_It took me four years Casey, but no one can resist the Venturi charm for long. I'm yours now. I love you. X_

On the back of his, I had written:

_I love you too, Moron._

_X_

I smiled at the memory. I had lost my copy of the picture at some point when I moved to New York. I had turned the house and my apartment upside down looking for it. This copy must be the one Derek had. He must have discarded it years ago. It looked quite fresh as though being under the bed had been good for it, but it couldn't have been there for the whole fifteen years because of the new bed.

I turned it over expecting to see my handwriting. And froze.

_It took me four years, Casey…_

The hand writing was Derek's. This was the photograph _I _had lost. I frowned. How the hell had it wound up under _Derek's_ bed? I sat for a long time puzzling, but mainly just looking at last on a picture I had truly missed. I could see the rise and fall of the strokes which formed those important words which had meant so much to me then.

_I love you._

I reached across to the tissue box to wipe my eyes and glanced at the clock. It was getting late and I had an early flight.

The picture was mine, so I slipped it into my reading book, placed it in my vanity case, and went to get ready for bed.


	3. A New Challenge

"Good morning, Miss McDonald. How was your trip home?" My secretary, Ruth greeted me as I walked in the door. I frowned at her, surprised at the formal tone. She was normally 'Ruthie', and I was 'Case'. She mouthed something which I didn't understand so I moved closer.

"_Senior_ is here." She whispered. "And you know what he's like!"

I smiled. By Senior she meant Roswell Etheridge, the owner of our publishing house and my ultimate boss. He didn't come into the office very often which meant that something big was in the air.

"The last time he came in was for that Obama book." Ruthie reminded me. I nodded.

That had been a close run thing for the company. Roswell had come in to try and negotiate us handling a controversial biography of the former US president. He had been prepared to go to big bucks. Fortunately, his son Archibald (yes that was really his name!) was a little more savvy than his father these days. He made sure I had chance to flick through a portion of the book before the negotiations. I had found more holes in the facts than a lump of Swiss cheese and we pulled out of the deal at the eleventh hour. One of our major competitors had picked the book up instead and they were still recovering from the massive lawsuit publishing it had caused.

So you might think that Roswell owed me something…You'd be wrong. He treated me like a librarian.

I stuck it out in the company because the money was good, and I got on really well with my actual boss, Archibald. He was a good guy and came across as a bit of a flirt, but I knew he was happily married with two beautiful daughters in their late twenties. Some of the people less close to the action believed there was something going on between us. Elisabeth, his wife _knew_ there wasn't. She and I had become close and she was one of the few non-family members who I had told about Derek.

I entered my office and placed my bag on the desk, removing the manuscript I had been working on while I was away. It was a final draft of a biography of a Wall Street high flyer and I was glad to be nearing the end of the projects. I knew more than I ever want to know about the world of derivatives.

Today was the first Monday in the month which meant there would be a planning meeting this morning to discuss new assignments. I always found these meetings quite exciting. They were the first step to my next obsession. Reading through a biography of someone's life, no matter what field they had made their name in, always led to my eyes being opened in some way.

I glanced at the clock, saw that it was ten minutes until the meeting and just as I processed that thought, Ruthie came through to remind me.

"I know Ruthie. I'm watching the clock." I glanced at the to-do list she had left on my desk. There was nothing that I could start before the meeting, so I decided to go up to the board room early.

"Ruthie, I'm going to go up now, get comfortable, look organised. Can you hold my calls until after the meeting?"

She nodded. "That suit is lovely. Is it new?"

"Thanks, yeah. I bought it last week in London. Oh. That reminds me, can you call Ed's secretary and find out about a gallery opening he wants me to go to? He couldn't remember the date off hand."

Ruthie beamed. She liked Edwin. She was probably ten years his senior but she still had a soft spot for him.

I switched my Blackberry to silent, grabbed my note pad and a fountain pen and headed on up to the fourteenth floor.

Archie was lurking when I got there.

"Hi sweet stuff. Did you miss me?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. He was twenty years my senior but I still ended up playing the parent.

"When your father hears you…" I started.

"Yes Mom!" he chuckled and held the door open for me as I reflected that when I was a teenager I wouldn't have understood the relationship I had with this man. I had been opinionated and full of righteous indignation over inequalities in the workplace. I had hated the idea of an older man flirting with the younger female employee. The old Casey would have reported most of the conversations which I had with Archie as sexual harassment.

But, I had been in an office environment now for twelve years. I had experienced real sexual harassment. It was nothing like the playful banter I had with Archie. Real sexual harassment had me crying the whole journey to and from work.

This was different. I was genuinely fond of him.

We took our places in the board room and awaited the others who were expected to attend. The editing staff numbered about thirty in total. Some people had specialties such as cookery and science, my specialty was biographies. It covered two of my big loves: reading/writing and research. I loved to check facts. Back in the days when we were still 'talking' (or rather screaming at each other), Derek called me a keener. He hated my attention to detail. But, it was my comfort zone. I needed to be sure of every word I put on the page.

It made me perfect for the job of editing.

"So. Anything big on the horizon?" I asked Archie, pouring myself a coffee from the selection of freshly brewed beverages lined up on the side.

He dumped cream into his own coffee and beat it with a spoon.

"Yup. A biggy. And I've put in a good word for you. So expect it to come your way."

I felt a thrill of excitement.

"A biography? Who is it? It must be big if Roswell's here."

"Oh it's massive. We have been courting this guy for the last ten _fucking_ years."

"Language."

Archie rolled his eyes. "You're a prude, Casey. But I love you all the same."

"How is Elisabeth these days?" I said, smiling at him.

His eyes softened as I turned his thoughts to his beloved wife. "She's good. But moaning at not seeing you for so long."

"Soon." I promised. "Now who is this guy?"

Archie was about to answer when the door opened and people started filing in.

"You'll find out soon enough."

* * *

"…I think that covers all the main areas for the next month. Now, Mr Etheridge has come down to see us because we have had some exciting news about a new biography that we are going to be handling, _subject to contract_."

Archie always added those last three words when he was announcing new works. Everyone was still jittery over the almost-lawsuit. No one wants to get sued by a former President. Archie also called his father Mr Etheridge. He had once confided in me that he had made the mistake in his first meeting of calling Mr Etheridge 'my father'. After the meeting, his 'father' had taken him to one side and threatened to sack him for insubordination.

Roswell was a powerful man.

He stood up now and walked to the window.

"This new book is a big deal for me, so I don't want any cock-ups." He stated, playing with the drapes as he stared outside.

Then he turned and I wondered why he felt the need to look at me. I had been the one to save their butts _last time_. When he continued though, I did understand.

"Few of you will know that my mother was Canadian, and I have a deep love of that country."

This was news to me, and I _am_ Canadian.

"So the fact that one of Canada's sporting legends has decided to publish his autobiography with us is a moment of unique triumph."

Okay. A sports biography. Not exactly up there on my choice of subject area, but, I could deal with that. And Canadian. That was good. Maybe the opportunity for me to spend a bit more time with Marti and Simon. If it was a sport I didn't know, maybe Lizzie or Robbie could help me familiarise myself.

Roswell finished his dramatic pause and went on.

"In particular, _ice hockey_ has always been a passion of mine. I used to play once, you know." He patted his rotund stomach. Every one shuffled, were they supposed to laugh? He made the squeaky noise I had learnt to interpret as laughter and I joined in. Relieved, the rest of the room followed suit.

Then what he had said registered with me.

Ice hockey.

Well I knew a lot about ice hockey. Having an ex-boyfriend who, after I dumped him, had gone on to major league greatness in the sport had to help.

My heart stopped.

Oh Fuck!

I knew where this was going.

Mr Etheridge came back to the table and leant on it as his eyes roamed each and every one of us.

"Ladies and gentlemen. We will be handling the autobiography of none other than Derek Venturi!"

There was an audible gasp.

Did I mention that Derek had made it _big_?

* * *

We were still in the board room. We were still listening to Mr Etheridge. Only seconds had passed.

I was an immobile object. My body temperature had dropped five degrees and the shaking was about to start. Then I heard Roswell calling my name.

"Miss McDonald? Are you with us?"

I shook myself awake. "My apologies, Mr Etheridge, I was…erm…awe-struck?" I answered with a questioning tone in my voice. One of the junior members of staff sniggered.

"I was saying Miss McDonald, that you have the honour to be the primary editor on Mr Venturi's book. That is a _great_ honour. Are you up to it?"

I gulped.

"Actually Mr Etheridge, I think…"

Archie stomped on my foot.

"Shut up!" He hissed. "You're our senior editor. You fucking deserve this."

I glared at him.

"The problem is Mr Etheridge, I think you ought to check back with Der- Mr Venturi's agent. He might not want to deal with me as his editor."

Archie was now looking at me as though I was insane. Mr Etheridge growled.

"Why?" The word echoed around the large wood-panelled room.

I closed my eyes briefly and cursed the day my mother had picked George Venturi for a blind date.

"He's my step-brother. And we currently aren't talking to each other." Let's keep it simple.

The room fell silent.

Mr Etheridge stood up straight.

"Miss McDonald. As my s- Mr Etheridge _junior_ just so eloquently pointed out to you. _You_ are our senior biography editor. Therefore you are the person most suited to the job. I expect a high level of professionalism within this company. Therefore, I suggest if you wish to retain your position of employment here, you find a way to _start_ talking to your step-brother again, as soon as possible."

He made for the door, pausing to add as he went. "And your _personal_ knowledge of Mr Venturi will mean you add a unique element to his autobiography. We could market the book as being a collaboration. It would raise our stakes in the publishing world."

He continued on his journey through the door.

The meeting was over.

As the heavy door closed behind him, every remaining pair of eyes swivelled to rest on me.

It was the High School Stair safety announcement all over again.


	4. Revelation

"NO! Archie!" I shouted as I left the elevator. Ruthie jumped at the noise. "Hold my calls indefinitely!" I barked at her as I went into my office and tried to slam the door shut. It bounced off Archie's palm.

"Just what is your fucking problem?" Archie said following me into the room and succeeding in slamming the door closed behind _him_.

"I can't do it. I can't see Derek."  
"You're going to have to. Why aren't you talking anyway?" He dropped into the chair opposite mine, while I sat down and stuck my head between my knees. I was close to passing out.

Archie waited and waited. After a while he realised I was seriously upset and not just over-reacting. Then he was on his knees beside my chair.

That was a bizarre sight. A fifty-something man in an expensive charcoal grey chalk-stripe - kneeling.

"Casey?" He said softly.

"We dated, briefly. It ended very badly. He left and I haven't spok…seen him since. That was fifteen years ago." I corrected myself mid-sentence knowing that I had in fact spoken to him this weekend.

Archie looked confused. "I thought you said he was your step-brother."

"You can still date when you are step-siblings, idiot. That's why it ended badly. It's split our family up. We never go to the same family gatherings."

"Shit!"

"Yeah. Shit."

Archie rolled back onto his heels and was thoughtful. Then he looked at me with surprise. "Fuck me! You dated Derek Venturi!" He seemed pleased for some reason.

"She did what?!" Ruthie had appeared at the door, her mouth was gaping at me. "The Derek Venturi? How the hell do you know him?"

I sighed. "Ruthie. He's Ed's brother. How many Venturis do you think there are on this continent?" She was a good secretary, a great friend, but not blessed with a large brain capacity.

"And you dated him?" I nodded.

"What was the sex like?"

I stared at her.

She shrugged. "Oh come on. It's a valid question."

"But one I'm not going to answer."

Archie stood up.

"Look Case. I'll talk to Derek's agent and see what she says about it all. It maybe he'll insist on another editor. If so I'll do it. I'm probably the only other person Dad trusts. But, if he says he's okay with you doing the editing, you are going to have to go through with it. Family feud or no family feud."

I nodded. But I was happier. There was _no way_ that Derek would want to go through the intense interviews and face-to-face meetings that would be necessary if I had to edit his book.

* * *

I used to call Derek Venturi the 'Bane of my existence.' Half an hour later I realised why.

Archie came back into my office.

"I spoke to Venturi's agent. She was surprised to hear that there might be a …ahem…conflict with you editing the book. But she went away and spoke to Derek. When she came back she insisted on me writing down his response ad verbatim so that I could repeat it to you. You wanna hear?" his tone said I probably didn't.

I blew out a breath and motioned for him to continue.

He quoted: "A professional is required to put the needs of his client ahead of his own interests. If your firm and its staff cannot maintain professional standards I will be looking elsewhere."

Archie looked up at me pointedly.

"Give me her freaking phone number." I replied in a resigned tone.

"What are you going to say?"

"I'll think of something." I muttered.

"Casey?" Archie pushed.

"I'll do it. But I'm not going to be responsible for any subsequent shit and fan incidents."

Archie relaxed. He was already smiling as he walked towards the door.

"Do you know, I don't think I have ever heard you swear before in my life? And your mouth today has been almost as bad as mine."  
I didn't look up as I dialled the number. "That's what Derek Venturi does to me." I replied.

"Cathy Metcalfe please." I said to the person who answered the phone.

"One moment. Who should I say is calling?"

"Casey McDonald, I'm from Etheridge Publishing."

"Putting you through."

There was a pause.

"Miss McDonald?"

"Hello. I'm just calling to introduce myself. I'll be the editor handling Mr Venturi's book."

"Oh. Of course."

"I was wondering if you could pass on a message to him for me?"  
"Sure."

"Tell him – would you mind writing this down _exactly_ as I say it? Tell him, the staff at Etheridge Publishing is professional to a fault and more than happy to provide assistance with his autobiography, however, if he has _needs_ may we suggest he attends to them _himself_. Oh and I'll be in touch to arrange our first figh – meeting." I said sweetly.

Yeah Derek…go fuck yourself!

Shit! I need a swear box.

* * *

An hour later:

"Hi Ed." I said quietly, staring at the park scene in front of me. Edwin sat down next to me.

"I came as soon as I could. What's up?"

I couldn't speak for a moment, but he waited.

"There are only two other times in my life when I have felt this scared. The first time was when Mom sat me down and told me Dad was leaving. The second time was…when I realised that Derek was going to walk away from me completely."

And then Ed's arm was round my shoulder and I was sobbing into his chest. The crying lasted a while and as the sobs eased, he kissed my hair and produced a tissue from somewhere. I took it gratefully, frowning.

"That's ridiculously organised of you, Ed." I commented. He chuckled.

"Come on Case. I lived with you all those years. You think I don't know by now that when I get a panicked phone-call from you I need to bring tissues?"

I punched him gently in the arm and then straightened up.

"What happened?" He asked softly.

"We had a planning meeting this morning and they've assigned me my next biography."

"Oh?"

"It's Derek's autobiography."

Edwin said nothing. In front of us people walked and ran and laughed.

"Awkward." He said finally.

I laughed. "No shit Sherlock."

"Oh god! She's back on the Derek mouth!" he cried.

Both Archie and Edwin were right. I never swore. The only times curse words ever crossed my lips were in reaction to Derek. For the brief few weeks we had dated, even though the family knew nothing about our relationship, I had started to swear more – because he did. My family, unwittingly accurate for once, called it my Derek mouth.

"Does he know that you are his editor?" Ed asked.

I nodded. "I thought that when he knew he would back off and insist on someone else."

"But instead he found some way to force you to do it?" Edwin guessed.

"How did you know?"

"Because I know you, and I know my brother. If you say something's black, he'll be adamant it's white. You've always been like that – even before." He brushed a loose strand of hair from my face. "Will you be able to cope?"

"I'll have to. I haven't let him win before."

Ed hid a smile, badly. "It's always the challenge with you two isn't it?"

I smiled weakly. "I think it's chemical."

We both chuckled.

"I'm sorry Case. I've got to go. I cancelled a meeting to see you and I can't cancel anymore."  
"That's okay."

"I guess I need to give my bro a call tonight." Ed said. "It sounds like he has some news for me. It will be weird, won't it? Reading about our family life in his words."

"I don't know which period of time the book covers. Maybe it will only be his professional career."

"Maybe." Ed said.

I leaned back on the bench. "Let's hope he doesn't talk about the time he took his step-sister's virginity."

Ed froze. As well he would. As far as the whole family knew, Derek and I had gone on a few dates, exchanged a few kisses. This was the first time I had ever told anyone that he and I had slept together."

"You lost your virginity to Derek?" he sat down again.

I nodded. "The night before we came home from university." I looked away. "It was a bloody miracle we lasted that long. He had stayed over every night for two weeks and we had come so close so many times." I shook my head in disbelief.

"But you finished it two days later." He sounded shocked.

"I had to Ed. What Mom said made sense…to me at least."

"I can understand you giving up someone you've held hands with, dated. But Casey, I never thought _you_ would give up someone you gave _that_ to so easily."

"It wasn't easy!" I shot back. "I cried for hours. Fuck it! I cried for months. Years. I _still_ cry, Ed." I wiped my eyes with the tissue again. "No matter what your brother has told you. I loved him. I left him because I loved him."

Ed put a hand on my shoulder.

"Casey he hasn't said anything to me. He doesn't talk about it. It's an off-limits subject around him."

I huffed slightly. "That figures. Doesn't want reminding of his big mistake."

"Casey…" Edwin chided. Then he swore. "I really need to go. I'll call you tomorrow, okay and we'll arrange to have dinner."

I smiled ruefully. "Sure."

"I love you Casey." Ed said as he hugged me. He didn't often say that. I nearly bawled again.

"I love you too Ed. And thanks, for the support."

He shrugged. "You're my sister. I wish you were my sister-in-law…but hey!"

It wasn't till I got back to the office that I realised that his final sentence to me could be taken two ways.

* * *

"God you look like shite!" Archie greeted me as I made my way back into the office.

"Thanks." I said lamely. My eyes were probably red and my nose too, but actually, the journey back to the office had been spent thinking rather than crying.

"This is a big deal for you?" he asked.

I looked up at him with my bloodshot eyes. "Yeah."

"Sure you're up to it? We could get you signed off sick."  
I appreciated the effort from him. He was my boss after all and here he was suggesting I played hooky.

I shook my head, firmly. "Oh no. That's not how Derek and I work. He's laid down the gauntlet now by insisting that I do this. Now I have to prove that I _can_ do this. Otherwise he's won. And he is _not_ winning." I had been thinking about this on the way back. My course was clear.

"Casey? Is that type of competition entirely healthy?"

I grinned. "Probably not. But it makes me feel good." I said realising it was true. "It's like being fifteen all over again!"


	5. Klutzilla Again

"Hi Casey." The voice on the other end of the phone said.

"Hi Marti."

There was a pause.

"So…" she said and stopped.

I grinned to myself. "You've been talking to Edwin." I concluded.

"Derek actually."

She surprised me and I nearly dropped the glass of red wine I had just poured for myself. It was Friday night and I was, yet again, having a night in.

"Oh?" I managed.

"Yeah. He phoned for our usually weekly chat and just dropped casually into conversation that he had been writing his autobiography and it was going to be published."

"Oh?"

Evidently, monosyllabic was all I was capable of.

She shuffled in the background and I imagined her kicking off her shoes and putting her feet up.

"Yeah. Then he tells me that he's using your publishing house and you're editing it."

I sipped my wine, nervously. "He just came out and said it?"

"Well no…not exactly. I asked him who was publishing it, just out of interest and then he mentioned your firm. And knowing that you do the biographies…I asked who his editor was."  
"What did he say?"

Marti sighed. "He said, I quote. 'Some uptight spacecase with her head up her own ass.'"

I laughed. "And you recognised the description?"

Marti laughed too. "No. I just know Derek."

I explained. "I tried to get out of it, but he called my professionalism into question. Which is a red rag to a bull."

"I'll bet. What did you say?"

"I told him to go fuck himself."

"To his face?"

"God no. I haven't got a date for our first fight yet. No doubt it will be soon."

* * *

Monday mornings…

…everyone loves to hate them, but I actually don't have a problem with them. At least I'm no longer stuck at home reading blogs by people who have a much more exciting life than mine.

Who am I kidding? My life just got _way_ more exciting...unfortunately, not in a way I appreciate.

This particular Monday morning was going to be a pig and I should have realised when I picked up my usual rooibos tea on my way in and sipped it on the subway. Or rather when I took a sip and then some stupid blonde bimbo with no height stepped her stiletto heel onto the top of my foot and I dropped the paper cup. (The only consoling factor from that encounter was that I dropped it over her fake retro Louis Vuitton bag.)

I hobbled off the train at the next stop and winced my way up the steps to street-level. It had started raining since I had gone into the subway and my coat and umbrella were still in my apartment.

So let's just say I didn't look or feel my best when I finally made it into my office.

"Morning Ruthie!" I announced, trying to sound cheerful.

"Morning _Miss McDonald_." She said, pointedly.

I pulled a face. "Not again?"

She nodded.

"F..udge!" I exclaimed, remembering at the last minute that every curse would cost me a dollar in my swear box from now on.

I _would_ kick the habit.

"Well done!" Ruthie smiled at me. I grinned back and made for my office to sort out my hair and make-up.

"Case!"

"Yeah?" I leaned back out as Ruthie called.

"Senior wants to see you in the board room as soon as you get in."

"Fudge hoola hoops!" I managed.

I carried on into my office, dumped my bag, retrieved my Blackberry and a notepad, and strode across to the lift.

Tidying myself up would have to wait. Messy hair, Senior wouldn't notice. Me being two minutes late he would. It was five minutes to nine.

I took the express elevator and emerged into the small lobby which served the conference rooms, with minutes to spare. I straightened my skirt as I crossed the floor and put my hand to the door knob.

What I hadn't noticed was my heel had caught in the carpet on my last footstep and as I turned the handle to enter the board room, my feet tangled in each other and I tripped and fell head first into the room.

I landed on the carpet in front of a pair of feet.

Archie was there in an instant, holding his hand out to help me up. I stabilised myself and glanced up into a pair of familiar, deep brown eyes. They weren't Archie's.

_Oh fuck!_

Senior was speaking. "Mr Venturi. Despite her entrance, may I introduce Miss Casey McDonald?"

"It's okay, Roswell. Klutzilla and I already know each other _intimately_."

Roswell did his stupid laugh thing again. But I didn't join in.

"Oh of course. I forgot she was your sister."

STEP-sister, but neither of us corrected him.

Derek broke the staring match and motioned to the woman standing beside him.

"This is my agent, Cathy." I suspected he was saying it for my benefit, but it didn't seem as though he was talking to me. I smiled and held out my hand for her to shake. She looked nice, older than us and bemused by the obvious tension between me and Derek.

Because there was tension. It was thick and heavy.

"Nice to meet you Casey. I'm afraid I wasn't more forthcoming on the phone the other day. I wasn't totally abreast of the situation."  
I nodded. Somehow, I reckoned she still wasn't.

"That's fine. We'll have plenty of time to talk in the coming weeks. I'll give you my cell details so that you can call me to schedule the various meetings I'll need."

The door opened and I recognised Colin the company lawyer and his sidekick. They were obviously bringing the contract to be signed and I wondered why no one had told me this meeting was planned.

"Ah Colin!" Archie greeted the lawyer with uncharacteristic warmth. I suspected my boss was feeling out of his depth.

I avoided looking at Derek…

…It was easier to breathe that way.

The meeting became practical and Archie and I watched as the legal document linking me and Derek for the duration of his book was signed.

As soon as the legal stuff was complete, Roswell beamed and wrung Derek's hand. I allowed myself a slight glance and saw irritation cross my step-brother's face as Archie's father invited his new signing for a drink in his office. Derek shook his head.

"I have another appointment this morning. In fact, I am already late. I will leave Cathy to make any necessary arrangements. If you'll excuse me."

I bit back a laugh. The formal phrases did not sit easily on Derek's lips.

In moments, Derek was gone.

And I breathed again.

Shortly afterwards, the other men left, and Cathy and I slipped easily into conversation about my requirements.

I liked Cathy. She was genuine and it reassured me slightly. I would do as much of the arrangements as possible with her.

I saw her out of the building and went back to my office.

It wasn't until I'd shut the door behind me and turned around that I realised I wasn't alone.

* * *

He was sitting in my chair with his feet up on my desk. He hadn't even bothered to move my paperwork or briefcase.

I bit my lip and decided to remain professional.

"Can I help you?" I asked formally.

"Corner office. I suppose I should be impressed." He didn't sound it.

"I'm busy Derek. Is there a point to this?"

"You mean you aren't enjoying my company?" He sneered.

And then I realised that this was going to be absolute torture. We had argued as teenagers and teased as lovers, but he had never sounded as nasty as he did now…not even when he left me.

"Get to the point." I said coldly.

"I just wanted to make it clear that I expect a totally professional service from you." I don't want you to expect that I will overlook any _shortcomings_ in your abilities."

"Duly noted. Anything else?"

_Asshole!_

"Yeah. Your skirt's on back to front."

He said it whilst smirking. Then he swung his legs off my desk and made his way out of the room.

I glanced down at my skirt.

_Fuck!_

I stepped closer to my desk and went to put two dollars in my swear box. I paused, opened my wallet and slipped a ten dollar bill into the slot instead.

* * *

I rang Edwin.

"Can you talk?" I asked.

"One sec." I heard him speak to someone in a muffled tone, because his hand was probably over the mouth piece.

"Okay. Fire away!"

"I don't deserve you." I said honestly.

Edwin laughed. "No you don't. What's up?"

"Derek came to the office today." I stated.

His brother hummed. "Okay…and how _was_ that?"

"Fucking embarrassing."

"Swear box Casey."

"It's okay, Ed. I put a ten in earlier."

"That bad huh?"

"Worse…but the only other note I had was a fifty."

Edwin chuckled. "Casey, Casey, Casey…what am I going to do with you?"

"You can stop tripling my name. It's unnerving and it reminds me of Derek."

"Sis. Everything reminds you of Derek."

"Ain't that the goddamn truth?" I muttered.

"Casey…" he warned.

"Sorry…just getting my money's worth."

We paused for a moment.

"So…go on. Tell me what was so bad."

"Well first I fell flat on my face in front of him."

"Ouch! Let me guess…"

"Yeah…he called me Klutzilla."

Edwin sniggered. "You realise that is actually rather sweet?"

"I definitely don't deserve you." I moaned.

"Go on."

"He ignored me for the whole meeting and then when he left I discovered he was actually putting his feet up on the "Zac Efron- We're All In This Together" manuscript in my office."

"You're doing Zac Efron's biography!" Edwin got a bit distracted.

"It's one to miss Ed. Let's get back on track."

"So he's in your office, feet up on Zac…" Edwin recapped.

I took a deep breath. "He makes some obnoxious speech about not overlooking any shortcomings in my abilities…"

Edwin was laughing down the phone. So much for brotherly affection…

"…so I say. 'Duly noted. Anything else'"

"What does he say?"

"Your skirt is back to front."

There was a long pause. I heard hiccupping noises from the phone. Then a falsetto Edwin said.

"Helpful."

_No Ed, you definitely aren't._

When I hung up I opened the door to my office and hollered to Ruthie.

"Ruth?! You got change for a fifty?"


	6. The Manuscript

I was expecting it. But the courier still made me jump. The fact that I was in the bath didn't help. I wrapped myself in a towel, padded to the front door of my apartment and opened it.

"Can you just sign here, please?" The courier said and I wondered briefly what would happen if I said no. I took the parcel from him and examined it. It was a large plastic zip up pouch, deep and heavy.

Derek's manuscript. (and I'd blocked out two days to read it.)

After I dumped the parcel on the kitchen table, I dried and dressed myself slowly, thinking about the words on paper contained within that pouch.

What did it say? What did I want it to say? Did it mention growing up in the McDonald-Venturi household or did it start with his career? Did it mention his siblings and step-siblings or did it gloss over the time in our life that we actually shared?

Did it even cover the girlfriends? There were lots, before and after me. I'd seen the ones before. I'd read in gossip magazines about the ones after. I was one in a long line of conquests. I had no illusions. My mind briefly toyed with the idea that he might have written about all of them, with a kind of Truman-like rating system. It seemed unlikely.

But had he _written_ about me?

Pulling on leggings and a long sweater, I made myself a coffee and set out to do my job.

Initially, I sat at the kitchen table to work so that I could make notes, but after I read the first two paragraphs, I grabbed my notepad and pen and moved to the sofa. It was the tone of his writing that made me move. Derek charmed with his writing the way he charmed with his mou…I mean…speaking voice. I couldn't sit rigidly on a hard chair because his writing made you want to relax. Or maybe, it was that the writing was so obviously him that I could hear his words in my head, in his own voice, and it was that which made me relax.

The soft voice of the man I loved.

* * *

The first question was answered quickly. He had started his story with the visit of the hockey scouts to college.

I took a deep breath. God! I remembered that week! It had started with the catastrophic jerk in the tectonic plates that were Continental Casey and Drifting Derek. He was starting his autobiography right at the time we got together!

Like real tectonic plates, we had bumped and ground against each other (figuratively) until the tension grew so great something had to give.

And when it did…

Memories overtook my mind, and I lay the section of the manuscript I was reading on my lap and closed my eyes…

We had arrived at Queens, and the relationship I had with Derek shifted. On the surface it was the same old, same old hate-hate. But, since the moment he helped me move into my dorm room on our first day at our new university, things had been different.

Because when he came to leave my room, he had pulled me into his arms and pressed a kiss against my lips.

I knew he had done it to wind me up. He expected a degree of violence…

…but I failed him. I hadn't smacked him. I simply stood there, trying not to panic as I realised this was the moment when we stopped living together, and that his gesture could be taken as a 'goodbye'.

"When will I…?" I started.

"When will you what?" He asked quietly, his gaze was intense; more even than it had been that night in our kitchen.

I coughed. "Nothing."

He gave an almost imperceptible shrug, simply pressed a second kiss against my forehead this time and muttered the name of his dorm and his room number, and then he left.

It was the most affectionate we had ever been to each other.

After that, I saw him at least once a week, normally on a Friday. By "saw", I mean I passed him on campus, his arm slung around this week's "special", no doubt on his way to one or other of the nightclubs.

_I_ was normally on my way to the library.

He would break away from the girl (I never knew their names) say something that provoked a belly laugh from her and a stare towards me.

Great!

Then he would come over to me and drag me round the nearest corner.

"Der-ek!"

Once around the corner, he would lose the hard man pose and smile softly at me. "You okay?"

And no matter what the animosity between us at other times, I couldn't help myself smiling back.

"Yeah…you?" He would nod, and I would continue. "She looks…pretty."

He nearly always frowned as though he had no idea who I was talking about, and then enlightenment would appear on his features.

"I'll kick her out at breakfast."

I'd pull a face. He'd smirk and then he'd be leaning forward and would whisper in my ear.

"I don't have sex with them Casey. They are for show only."

It was disarming and his breath on my skin made me shiver. Every time I would ask the same question.

"So why do it?"

"Because it bugs the hell out of you." He would say, press a kiss to my cheek, pull my hair and disappear off again.

Then came the day of the "earthquake"; the day when our tension finally started to give.

"That hot guy over there is staring at you." Gerry had said in the irritating sing song she had for embarrassing her friends.

Gerry (to her friends, Geraldine! to her Great Aunt) was a close friend of mine at Queens. We had several lectures together.

I glanced up across the library in the direction she was pointing and groaned.

"That's not a hot guy, that's Derek."

"THAT'S Derek?!" I'd let slip once that I had a step-brother.

Evidently, it didn't take much to impress my friend.

I nodded.

"Ooo. He's coming over."

And I rolled my eyes as yet another of my friends fell under his spell.

"S'up?" Derek said as he tried to stroll nonchalantly towards me.

"Nothing – but now that you're here I'm sure that will change." I smiled with a false sweetness and couldn't help the retort.

He smirked at me. "Am I not allowed to check in with you sis?"

"No." I said, probably a bit rudely, but the last time I had seen Derek, two weeks ago, he had upended my lunch over my head. He wasn't my favourite person right now. Even if I had missed him.

It was just a shame that my knees always had to lock whenever he turned those eyes towards me. If they didn't I'd collapse in a gibbering heap.

"What do you want, Derek? I'm busy."

"No you're not. You're reading."

"Exactly, I'm busy." To prove a point, I stuck my nose back in the book and tried to block him out.

Derek glanced up at Gerry. "Hey. Cute stuff, give us a minute would you?"

I could almost smell Gerry wetting her pants as she walked away.

It was disgusting.

"Back off, moron, I'm not in the mood." I snapped. _Liar!_ Derek had been away for two weeks on a college hockey tour and I'd missed our fights.

And then his lips were at my ear and his breath tickling my neck.

"_I_ am." He said, and his fingers took my book from my fingers and placed it on the desk.

He wasn't talking about fighting.

I closed my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek.

"Casey." He said, and he had _never_ said my name like that before.

"W-w-hat?" I stammered stupidly.

"Ditch the friend and I'll buy you dinner."

It was one of those rare moments when I did as Derek told me.

We ate at a little Chinese restaurant close to the campus. And though I knew differently, it felt like a date.

Derek behaved himself.

"Did you miss me?" he asked after we had ordered.

"Don't be ridiculous."

He laughed.

"So what's with the taking the sis out to dinner?" I asked. "You're after something."

He shook his head. "Not this time."

"Yeah…right, Derek."

"Honestly."

I laughed. "The day you do something honestly, I'll keel over from the shock."

"Good thing I know CPR."

"Der-ek."

"Casey." He said in _that _way again. I could feel myself pooling under the table.

We stared…sorry…_gazed_ at each other. I felt something brush my hand and his fingers were easing their way between mine. He took my hand in his own.

"You okay?" he asked, looking down at our hands. _Was I okay with that?_

I nodded and we moved onto banal conversation until we had eaten; when he wasn't using his hand to eat, his fingers sought mine.

We left the restaurant and Derek walked me back to my dorm.

Yes. I did just say that. Derek walked me home! I got the impression, somewhere along the line tonight, he had forgotten about a little detail.

The girl he had been holding hands with, had a date with, was his step-sister…

Half way there we passed through a park. It was after ten and therefore dark. As we crossed the open space, he slipped an arm around me, and leaned close.

"This is weird." He said as if to himself. "You're driving me crazy, Casey. I spent the whole of that hockey tour thinking about you."

"I'm not in the mood for Derek-pranks." I sighed, but I didn't pull away.

Derek stopped, caught my waist and pulled me against him.

"Neither am I."

We watched each other for a long while and I could almost feel the earth tremor as the Derek-Casey earthquake began.

His fingers moved to the back of my neck and I closed my eyes as he leaned towards me and his lips pressed against mine again. But it wasn't like the first day in my dorm room.

I couldn't help it.

I had to respond.

His tongue touched my lips and my mouth opened. I opened my eyes briefly.

Derek smiled as he kissed me, but it wasn't a smirk. I leaned against him and deepened the kiss, my eyes closing again. His hand had slipped behind my back to keep our bodies pressed together. We moved together, against each other, gasping for breath between kisses.

Despite Derek's teasing in the past, I wasn't a prude, even then. I'd had boyfriends. And I'd had boyfriends who majored on the physical. They knew how to kiss…how to leave me breathless. I was still a virgin, but I knew what it felt like to want sex. But I had never wanted sex as much as I did that night.

And in typical Derek fashion, he didn't give it to me.

_That_ night, he pulled away from the kiss, took my hand and carried on walking. He was slower this time so that we could catch our breath and we didn't say a word until we stopped at the main door to my dorm.

"Casey." Soft again, his fingers grasped mine and linking together made a gesture between us. "I want this _whatever it is_ that's growing between us."

"And what Derek wants…" I started to say.

"No!" He snapped. "Not like that." He sighed and sat down on the low wall so that I was standing over him. "I want you to want it, Case." He murmured and kissed my hand.

If this was a prank he was a really good actor. Can you fake an erection?

I sat on the wall beside him as people were coming and going through the building entrance.

For the first time in a long time, I was speechless. Derek twisted his body so that we were sitting facing each other.

"Don't ask me why, Casey. I really don't know why. But, for a long time now I've been more aware of you and…"

He didn't finish his words, because neither of us was particularly interested in talking. I stroked his lips with my finger and he kissed the finger tip. Trailing the fingers along his jaw line I moved closer and he met my mouth with his own.

We both gasped a little at the break in tension, before the kissing grew intense. So intense I nearly fell off the wall. That caused us to break apart laughing. I stood up, suddenly brave.

"Come on, let's go talk about this somewhere else."

We entered the dorm building and I led him up to my room, grateful beyond words for the fact this dorm had single rooms.

"Your room?!" Derek said, surprised as I unlocked my door.

I frowned. "Yeah…why?"

"I just had visions of chaste hand-holding in the common room."

I elbowed him in mock annoyance.

"Who says you are getting anymore in my room?" I said pointedly.

Derek laughed. "You. If you kiss like that in public, I can't wait to find out what you are like when I do _this_." He shut the door behind us with a dramatic slam.

I rolled my eyes at him, dumped my purse on my bed and put my hands on my hips.

"We should talk about this." I said, holding my ground.

"Really?" he was still amused. "Princess, don't do the hand on hips thing, I can't take you seriously when you do that. You look like my ninth grade teacher and I really don't want to be confusing my feelings for you with images of her."

I slumped, suddenly exhausted. Derek walked across to my desk and sat on the chair. I hadn't been expecting that. I sort of assumed he would sit on the bed. Maybe he was finding this as exhausting as I was.

"Space." He said flatly and I decided he was giving me an explanation for the distance rather than using a nickname. I was _so_ confused!

And the silence was oppressive.

"What the hell are we doing?" I asked, wearily.

"Experimenting with step-sibling bonding." He replied. His eyes looked conflicted too. "I don't know, Casey. It's allowed, though."

"I know we're _allowed_ to get involved, I just think it's a really bad idea."

He sighed and rested his elbow on the desk, his fingers in his hair.

"So do I."

"Then why did you do it?" I asked.

He frowned. "Why did I do what?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

He chuckled. "You seriously think this all started with the kiss? Casey, what planet are you on? This has been going on since we graduated. All those heavy tension moments."

"Derek. We've been having "tension moments" since we were fifteen."

"You're right. This has been building for nearly four years then…"

I smiled. "That's silly."

"True though."

We fell silent again.

Derek sat up. "Come here." He said softly and held out a hand.

"Why?" I was cautious, but already stepping towards him.

"Because I don't want to talk about this. I just want to do it." He replied, catching my hand and dragging me onto his lap.

* * *

The whole flashback thing hadn't taken long, but it left me weary. That had been the start of our brief relationship, and while we were both sure it was all going to end in tears, we really didn't want to stop.

Derek left late that night, but he largely behaved himself. My virtue remained intact…just. The relationship between us was clearly going to be intense and physical when it got going.

…And yet just two weeks later, and just hours after admitting we were deeply in love with each other, the whole affair was over, and the rest of my life had begun.


	7. The Steps

During the time that I was reading, I switched off my phone and sent my house phone to the answering service. Reading the manuscript took me eighteen hours.

My first pass was always quick. It was designed to get a feel for the book, to see what sort of pace it had, to see if there were areas which needed speeding up. I used the time to tell if there was a story or just statistics…that was easily done in sports biographies.

In some chapters, Derek's autobiography was no exception, but some chapters took my breath away. I'd been so divorced from his life I missed all his highs and lows. And because I still cared so deeply about him, both affected me. His description of that week, in particular, gnawed at me.

"_The biggest week of my life was the one when I realised the chance of making it big in hockey was more than just a pipe dream. _

_It was a magical week, the kind of week when nothing can go wrong. I had everything I wanted lying at my feet. Moments like that don't come along very often._

_The big game, the one where I was "discovered" was actually a very small one. My home town was several hours drive away, so none of my family was present, although they wanted to be. I had friends watching, so I wasn't unsupported..."_

It would be so easy to read between the lines. _Magical Week_ – yes it was. We spent every waking moment together, and Derek had almost faked an illness so that he could miss that game and spend the time with me. I wouldn't let him, but I watched the game from the Girlfriend Pen.

So his description was interesting, because he said none of his family saw it; which meant he didn't see me as family. But then, how could he?

But if I wasn't family, then I had no place in his life anymore.

In all my confusion over his words, I could still feel the sadness of that thought.

When I had finished the first pass, I rang Cathy.

"I've read it."

"Great! What do you think?"

"There's a good backbone there. It needs work though. Parts of it read like a sports almanac."

She laughed. "What did you like about it?"

_The fact that he didn't mention any of his girlfriends at all?_

"It was well paced. But, I'm worried it might be a little short. Its starts with his hockey career and being realistic, people like to read about the early stuff. It's their anchor to normality, the idea that someone ordinary can make it big."

"Yes. I get you. You think he should write about his childhood."

I sat up. "God no! Don't say that to him. He'll think I want to be immortalised in his book."

Cathy laughed.

"What I mean is, the book isn't long enough and it doesn't have enough early stuff. He doesn't cover why he plays hockey, did any of his family? When was his first hockey game, early hockey pictures…et cetera."

"I understand. You do realise this would be easier if you explained it to him."  
"Cathy. Derek and I did well not to punch the crap out of each other last week."

"Are things really that bad between you?" She sounded concerned.

"Worse."

"Why?"  
"Hasn't he told you?"

"No. We're good friends but…the first time I had ever heard of you was the phone call from Archie."

"It's a long story. Maybe I'll tell you it next time you've got five hours."

"I can pencil you in next Christmas."

We both laughed.

I sighed. "Tell Derek we need to talk about the 'script. It's up to him when and where or," I only half-joked, "if he wants to bring legal representation."

* * *

There ought to be a law against Derek Venturi.

There probably are several.

He turned up at 7am the following morning at my apartment and when I sleepily opened the door a crack, he pushed his way in.

"Come in, why don't you?" I said, sarcastically. "Oh. You already did."

"Why are you complaining? You said you wanted to talk. I've got practice all day. It's two hours now or never."

_Give me NEVER, please._

"This is in retaliation, isn't it?" I said, narrowing my eyes.

He was scoping my apartment. Fortunately, no panties hanging from the light fittings.

_Chance would be a fine thing…_

"Retaliation for what?" He said, opening drawers and inspecting the contents. I bit my tongue so that I didn't rise to his provocation.

"Every time I woke you up early."

He stopped. "Casey. I'm 34. Not fucking 15. _I_ grew up."

_Yeah right, moron. What was all that about in my office?_

I sighed. "Let me get dressed."

"Don't take too long. Just throw some clothes on, you don't need to impress anyone."

_Do not react. Do not react. Do not react._

_Fuck him._ _(You did. It was unbe…)_

_Let's not go down that route, please._

"Fine." I said, my tone short. "Help yourself to coffee."

* * *

Dressed, I grabbed my notepad and fountain pen and sat at the kitchen table.

"Can't you use a biro?" He said dragging a chair out and throwing himself into it.

I ignored him.

"Right. The book's good. It's obvious you wrote it."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean? The English not good enough for you?"

I sagged in the chair. Was it all going to be this confrontational?

"The English is fine, Derek, better than most I see actually, what I meant was because I know you, when I read it I could hear you speaking the words. But it does need work." I glanced down at my notes. "The hockey games and stuff are great; a couple of areas where some of the stuff is a bit repetitive…"

"Yeah well, that's just my life."

I bit back a retort.

"It's not disastrous, we can do stuff with that and it will give us some room to play with the length. If we cut down on the repeats," I held a hand up to hold off his complaint "using a couple of tricks of the trade which mean the events are still there, just not as monotonous…"

"Great. First I was repetitive, now I'm monotonous."

"Der-ek!"

I lost my patience. His eyes flashed to mine, and there was a ghost of humour behind them. The humour didn't make it to front of his eyes though, and his mouth remained set.

"…If we cut down on the repeats,"_ I _repeated. "Then we can add extra stuff in."

"Like what?"

"We'll talk about that in a minute." I ran my fingers through my hair. "You need to decide what you want this autobiography to achieve."

"I want it to get Cathy off my back about writing my fucking autobiography, is what I want it to achieve." He said gruffly. "She's a nag."

I looked surprised. "She seems really nice."

He smirked. "Yeah. That figures. The only person whoever nagged me worse than Cathy was you."

"You needed it."

"No. You liked the sound of your own voice. Whenever we were in the same room, something about me always made you moan." he locked his eyes on mine. "Never happy unless you were screaming my name."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You weren't exactly _quiet_, Derek." I whispered.

Silence. Behold the double entendre!

He smirked again, and this time it went right to his eyes.

"Just trying to be heard." He said.

I blinked.

Coughing slightly, I turned back to my notes. "Anyway, you need to decide what story you are trying to tell. Are you trying to tell a story about your hockey career or your life? Obviously, they are linked, but they aren't the same thing. If you are concentrating on your career, then you will probably not mention too much about your personal life. If you are writing about your whole life, then you will need to talk about the family."

"…and you?" He laughed. "Trying to wangle a mention in the great Derek Venturi's book, Casey?"

"And have people think I'm actually related to you, per-lease!"

He leaned forward. "What's the problem, sis? Whooops! Can't call you that. Might get arrested." His body language and tone were harsh, excessively so. But I didn't cringe away from him. Because his eyes held a softness that he couldn't disguise.

Instead, I continued with the book review. "I've got some colleagues checking the stats for me…"

"…the stats are right, Casey. You seriously think I'd forget my own stats?"

"In view of the amount of alcohol you imbibe at times, yeah, I'd say you could have forgotten."

"You don't know what the _hell_ you are talking about!" He shouted suddenly and stood up, the chair clattering on the floor.

_That was an over-reaction. What the hell did I say? _

"Derek. Sit down."

"No."

"Derek."

"No."

I rubbed my temples. "D. I'm sorry."

He had opened his mouth to say something, but my words made him stop. He looked at me strangely.

"Whatever I said…" I continued.

"…I don't drink Casey." His voice was softer; not a lot, but some.

"Okay…" I drew the word out, my mind racing.

"I'm an alcoholic." He said it in a matter-of-fact tone, as if he was in a 12-step programme. _Hi My name's Derek Venturi, and I'm an alcoholic._

I was stunned and a pain hit me squarely in the chest. Suddenly his refusal of Roswell's invitation to join him in a toast made sense.

"Oh."

He smirked, humourlessly.

"How come I didn't hear about this?" I asked quietly. It wasn't in the book, and no one in the family had ever told me about this. How could they keep this from me? From _me_? He'd been through something awful, and I hadn't known.

He gave me a look that said I was stupid.

"You really think I'm going to tell Marti or Ed that?"

I wondered how Marti hadn't known. I guessed he was good at hiding it. As if reading my thoughts, which was another thing Derek had always been good at doing, he moved back to the table and sitting down, explained.

"It was a long time ago. I've been on the wagon for nine years. Marti wasn't old enough to understand, and at the time, she was the only person who I saw."

I nodded. For a while after we split up, Derek hardly saw the rest of our family. Ed had once told me it was because Derek had words with Nora and said some things he later regretted.

"What about Mom and George?"

"They know." He said it firmly, as if there was another story behind that.

"Nine years is a hell of an achievement." I said trying to sound supportive.

He snorted. "You're only as good as tomorrow."

We were quiet for a moment and I wondered how we had managed to stop arguing. I even had a vague recollection of me using one of his nicknames in the middle there.

I took a deep breath.

"I think the book could do with looking at your hockey playing at school." I said trying to get us back on track. "People like to hear about your humble beginnings."

"_My_ humble beginnings?" He said and the sarcasm was back.

"Okay. Yes. _Your_ humble beginnings – as a hockey player."

He was taken aback. "I thought you meant…family stuff."

"That's up to you Derek." I said, trying to look business-like by flicking through the papers until I found a safe chapter; one that had absolutely nothing to do with us and our brief stutter of a relationship.

"Okay. Let's look at chapter five."

* * *

We managed it; two hours of discussion about his book and not a broken plate in sight. When his cell beeped the alarm that told him it was time to go to practice, it took both of us by surprise. We had migrated to the same place on the kitchen table, our chairs close together as we both studied his manuscript.

We had covered just one chapter of a twenty-four chapter book, but it was a massive achievement.


	8. Persuasion

I had dinner with Ed that night, in some swanky uptown restaurant where he knew the owner. Edwin Venturi was _something_ these days. He had friends in stellar places.

It washed over his step-sisters though. Lizzie and I ribbed him about his _status_ constantly.

"So how was your week?" Ed asked politely, as the waiter poured his wine into his glass. The sight of the alcohol reminded me of Derek and I put my flattened hand over my own glass and shook my head.

"Just mineral water please."

Ed looked at me in surprise. "Well that's a first!" he said. "Casey turning down her favourite chardonnay."

I shrugged. "I don't feel like drinking tonight."  
"Are you pregnant?!" he asked with characteristic bluntness.

"Edwin. You are privy to most of my life, even the stuff I hide from Mom and George. Do I look like I'm dating someone?"

He took a pointed sip of his wine and smiled. "No. But there's always the one-nighter."

"Oh for fu…heavens sake, Ed. No. I'm not pregnant. I'm…just on a health kick." I lied.

"You don't need to lose weight Casey."

"I'm not trying to. I just think maybe I drink a bit too much alcohol at times. I'm cutting down…maybe even giving up altogether."

"You sound like Derek. His nutritionist has got him on the wagon too."

_Yeah Ed. I know._ I tried to distract him.

"Talking of whom, I had coffee with Derek this morning." I slipped the comment in nonchalantly.

Edwin choked into his glass.

"Really?" he coughed.

"Yup. We spent two hours chatting over old times."

Edwin stared at me. "How come this didn't make the evening news? I thought train wrecks were newsworthy."

"Because it wasn't a train wreck."

He laughed. "Nice try sis."

"It wasn't." I protested.

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long did the coffee last?"

I shrugged. "Two hours."

Edwin was quiet. "And how much of that time did you argue?"

I pulled a face. "Why do you think we argued? We're not fifteen anymore."

"Casey. You and Derek…until you both sort your shit out…are going to argue until you stop breathing."  
"Actually we were quite civilised. There's hope for this book after all."

"Seriously?" He looked calm, but I sensed an element of concern about him. Why would the idea of us _not_ arguing concern him?

"So you didn't argue at all?"

I was uncomfortable. "I didn't say that."

Edwin chuckled. "So you did argue?"  
"A bit. Okay, a lot. But not as badly as I had thought we would. We were civil, for us at least."

"The sooner the pair of you stop fannying about and hook up again the better."

I laughed. "For us or for you and Liz?"

And then I regretted saying it, because it wasn't an open thing for discussion, Edwin and Lizzie's non-relationship. A shadow flashed across his face.

"Sorry Ed." I murmured.

He bit his bottom lip and looked away.

"Fuck Ed! I'm sorry. I have the tact of a truck."

He sniggered. "Perhaps it's a good job you didn't have the chardonnay if you are going to say things like _that_ sentence."

I rolled my eyes at him as the waiter appeared beside us to take our order.

We had our food in front of us when Edwin's Blackberry rang, or rather vibrated. It did a little glowing dance across the tablecloth. Reading upside down I saw the words, **Derek Mob Calling**.

"Speak of the devil…" Edwin said, picking the phone up and answering it. We were in a corner of the restaurant some distance from other diners so he wasn't disturbing anyone.

"Hi Bro." Ed said. And I carried on eating…and listening to the one sided conversation.

"Having dinner with a hot brunette…Ha ha…except it's true…no I am not having dinner with Nora…or Lizzie… or Marti…can you just drop it? Fuck. Yeah Okay, it's Casey."

I laughed. I could imagine Derek on the other end of the phone.

"'selling my soul to the devil' yeah that's a good one, except I know you had coffee with her this morning…Only because you're an ass! Anyway, I gather you managed to talk sensibly without killing each other…I don't think there is such a thing as client confidentiality in this situation Derek…You're a jerk sometimes, you know that?"

I wondered what Derek was saying that was making Edwin so riled.

"She gave you the chance to duck out of it. Don't make things hard for her, asshole. She loves that job."

I closed my eyes as I understood. Derek was making threats about getting me fired for discussing him with Edwin.

"I'm not having this conversation right now." Edwin said and hung up.

There was silence between us for a moment.

"Sorry Ed."

"Why?" He started eating again.

"Our little feud hurts so many people."

He looked up and tried to smile reassuringly.

"Nah. We're all used to it by now. Water off a duck's back."

Somehow that hurt even worse.

Edwin saw my expression and went on. "Don't worry about it. He'll phone back later and shout at me, and I'll shout at him, we'll both apologise and then everything will be fine again."

"Bit different to when he'd give you a wet willy." I said almost smiling.

"Urgh. Don't remind me." Edwin picked at his food. "Does he write about the family?"

"Ed. I can't. Derek's right. I can't discuss specifics."

"Is it a good book?"

"It will be. I'm quite impressed with it actually."

"And are you in it?" He asked, pointedly. I guess my revelation in the park prompted that one.

"Ed…" I warned.

"I just want to know whether to tell Nora not to read it."

I sighed. "There's nothing in there that Nora won't want to read. There's not a lot in there that she'll find interesting…" Ed frowned.

"It's a hockey book, Ed."

He grinned. "I'm right with you there."

I gaped at him. "You go and watch his games all the time!" I protested.

"I go and sit in the stands and I watch. But, ice hockey still leaves me cold."

I was thoughtful for a while. "I used to watch him. For several weeks I watched every game. It grew on me."

Edwin let me be with my thoughts.

"You miss him. Don't you?"

"I love him, Ed. I know what I did back then, but that never changed."

"What exactly did Nora say to you?" he asked the question he had probably been dying to ask for fifteen years. The question was would I answer it?

I closed my eyes and thought back, wondering if this was something I wanted to share. If course I had shared it with Derek as I was dumping him, but…

"_Hi Mom!" I greeted her as she appeared in my doorway, slim again after Robbie's birth. We hugged as she sat beside me on my bed. I'd missed her so much while I was away at college. _

_In the years before we moved into the Venturi home, my mom had been one of my closest friends. I had gone to her for all sorts of advice. There was a time when I couldn't make a decision without consulting with my mom._

_That had all changed with college of course, because I had to make decisions of my own. And after tonight…well it would be a long time before I would ask anyone for their opinion on something so close to my heart again._

"_How does it feel to be home?" She asked, grinning and squeezing me._

"_Breath-taking!" I said pointedly._

"_Whoops! Sorry!" she let go of me. "So. How's life as an adult?"_

"_Good…really good."_

"_Any boys?"_

_I chuckled and pulled my right ankle under my left thigh. "Mom. I'm nineteen. They aren't boys anymore. They're all grown up."_

"_Even Derek?" she asked, raising an amused eyebrow._

"_Especially Derek."_

"_Oh?" My mom wasn't slow on the uptake._

"_He's not such a bad guy mom."_

_She sat back. "Oh."_

"_Is it a problem?" I asked._

"_A problem?" Mom pulled a face. "No. You and Derek getting on…George and I always hoped. But there is getting on, and there's getting on…Just how close are you getting?"_

_Well you know, mom, he screwed me senseless last night…repeatedly. And do you know what? Not only didn't I vomit, but if he doesn't do it again and soon, I may cut bits of his anatomy off._

"_Close." Was what I allowed myself to say._

"_You're dating?" she sounded surprised._

_I took a deep breath and nodded._

"_Wow!"_

_I sensed a reluctance in her expression. I didn't exactly expect enthusiasm but…_

"_Is that a good idea, Casey? I mean, I know he's my step-son but…he has a reputation."_

"_I was there mom, I know his reputation."_

"_Casey. Be serious about this. Derek is a charmer. I know he is good-looking and he has the gift of the gab, but, if…__**when**__ this all finishes, you are still members of the same family"_

"_When?"_

"_Oh come on, Casey. This is Derek we are talking about. He doesn't do love and commitment."_

_And, against my heart's wishes, I think that was when I started to listen. Because I never understood why he would go for me._

_I listened for half an hour to my mom, the person I trusted most in the world, as she reminded me of the Derek I had lived with. How he had treated his previous girlfriends. And she named them all. I hadn't realised how observant my mom had been. _

_It didn't occur to me until months later, that the one person she hadn't mentioned had been Sally._

_Because that was the one relationship that supported MY theory about Derek. That he could do long term. That he knew love._

_At the end of the half an hour, she had convinced me._

_It broke my heart._

* * *

I told Ed. He deserved to know. I knew he would tell Lizzie, and I gave him permission. I made a mental note to phone Marti. The three of them were equal in my eyes. What Ed knew, the girls should know.

"So I guess, Derek only has himself to blame." Ed said, as I went into detail about the comments Nora had made about each of Derek's girlfriends.

"No. Because Derek was fifteen…at most eighteen. How committed are you at that age?"

"So why was it different at nineteen?"

"It wasn't Ed. And that was the point. We crossed the line too soon. A few years later…it might have worked. I couldn't expect commitment at nineteen."

"You hurt him Casey." Edwin said. "I've never seen Derek like that."

"I hurt myself too, Edwin. My one consolation is the hurt to myself was probably greater than my hurt to him."

"Try telling that to Derek."

"I did, Ed. That's when he walked away from me."

* * *

I lay for a long time that night looking at the ceiling. Sleep did not want to come. I thought about Derek sitting next to me in my kitchen and about how hard it had been to not reach across and kiss him. For me, at least, he looked no different to the way he had when he had said goodbye.

I still loved him.


	9. Monday Morning Again

Monday morning again. Board room, again. Meeting, again.

Fortunately, no Derek this time. And my skirt was definitely on the right way round.

I nearly always wore a skirt and jacket to work. I would pull my long hair up into a pleat and dab on a bit of make-up. I knew I looked a little like the stuck up librarian Derek often accused me of being. I preferred "young professional".

Young. I pondered the word as Archie rattled on through the agenda, discussing issues and inviting opinion. I wasn't in the mood.

On paper, I suppose I was still young; the right side of thirty five at least. But, I felt old at times. The disadvantage of being in the literary world is that most of the people you deal with are the people who have time for books, which means they are an older demographic. Our office environment didn't help. It was all wood panelling and old leather.

And my lifestyle outside of work was hardly young. There were no visits to night clubs, no girls' weekends or beach trips. About the most youthful thing I did was taking a dance class twice a week. It had been several months since I had gone on a date and three years since I had had a relationship of any description.

I wasn't sure that I had wanted a family at some point, but the thought of time running out on that front was occurring more frequently these days. My dating drought didn't help.

It wasn't that I didn't get invitations, because I did, and not all of them were from men old enough to be my father / step-father. It was just the guy had to be extra special to even tempt me. I had a complex measure to gauge them with.

They were, unknowingly, always fighting Derek.

So I led a rather quiet existence in my little two-bedroom apartment. The second room a nod towards the family I had back in Canada and the occasional visit from Lizzie or Mom. I'd invited Marti several times, and once she had even bought a ticket. Then Polly had developed chicken pox and the whole trip had to be cancelled.

I wondered if the loneliness of my life was obvious to Derek that day he had come to my apartment.

I had met with him twice more since then, but in my office this time. We now had five neutral chapters behind us. He said he was working on a new beginning for the book, but he wouldn't tell me anything about the new chapters and we still argued our way through our meetings. The first time we had met in my office, we had gotten into a heated debate about grammar and Ruthie, bless her, had strategically arrived with coffee in an effort to limit the chances of homicide. Her parting, "Let me know if I need to bash your heads together" had made even Derek smile.

It was uncomfortable working with him. We were required to sit close to each other to see my laptop screen or the papers in front of me. I was aware of everything about him, his smell, even his body warmth. It was like being back in school sitting next to a boy you had a crush on.

Derek was tense too. I could tell. He was trying to be a wiseass and it irritated the hell out of me; which was where most of the arguments had come from. Evidently, sitting next to the person you hate most in the world is as difficult as sitting next to the person you love.

"Casey?" Archie's voice broke through my thoughts. Damn! Caught in the act of non-attention.

"Sorry Mr Etheridge, I was miles away."

Archie looked sternly at me, but I could see an amused twinkle in his eye, he was acting for our subordinates' benefit.

"I was asking for a progress update on the Venturi book."

I shook myself awake and straightened in the chair.

"It's progressing. We've covered about 20% of the book, mainly the hockey stuff. I've requested some additional chapters from him which he informs me he is working on. I could do with blocking a series of meetings with him as he is difficult to get hold of, but other than that…yeah. It's going okay. Considering…"

Archie would understand that last word. I didn't care if the others did.

"Great!" He smiled encouragingly at me and moved on to the next topic.

* * *

He gave me the benefit of his full opinion at lunch time as we grabbed some food in my office.

"So…not a complete disaster." He said, and then bit into his tuna melt.

I snorted. "That's easy for you to say. You try sitting next to your ex-boyfriend while the hated oozes off him."

Archie scratched his nose and spoke with his mouthful. "That would be hard, I don't have any ex-boyfriends." He beamed a food-filled grin at me.

"You know, Archie, I think you and Derek went to the same school of table manners."

He waved a hand dismissively. "This is my big act of rebellion. I had manners rammed down my throat at my god-awful prep school and dad insisted on formal dining whenever I was home. Eating like a pig is a comfort to me."

I rolled my eyes at him and spiked a prawn from my salad. "Why do I do this to myself? Why do I make friends with people who are so…"

"Gorgeous?" Archie was on a roll today.

"I was going to say adolescent."

He chuckled.

"Anyway, I think I've solved your problem with Derek being un-contactable."

"Oh?"

"My father is having a weekend party in two weeks time and he's invited Derek to stay. Elisabeth and I are going, and so are the girls. Why don't you join us? We can provide somewhere for you and Derek to work and it will give you chance to let your hair down."

Oh great! A house party with Roswell. I sighed. It would be a good opportunity to corner Derek and get some work done though.

"Okay. But you need to make it clear to Derek that I will want to work on the book."

"Actually, it was his suggestion."

* * *

The whirlwind that was my youngest sister attacked me in arrivals with a squeal.

"I can't believe I made it!!!! After all the failed attempts, I'm finally here!"

I laughed. "I know. I have the bruises to prove it."

She dropped her bags onto the airport trolley I had picked up and we made our way out to the taxi rank.

"How's Polly and Simon?" I enquired.

She smiled. "Adorable."

"Polly or Simon?"

"Both." We laughed and she filled me in on all the happenings at home as the yellow cab drove us into the city.

"What have you got planned for me, this weekend?" she asked.

"Well. There's a new musical opened which I thought you might like to see, and I've managed to get tickets through work. There's a fair in central park and I thought a big shopping trip."

"Are we after anything in particular?" Marti had developed a fashion sense as a teenager, which was a relief. She was best placed to shop with me these days. Lizzie was still lukewarm about the whole style thing, even now.

"My big boss, Roswell has invited me to a weekend party at his grotesquely extravagant mansion, and I have nothing to wear."

"Nothing?"

I shifted in my seat. "It's a working weekend, and there are some big types going. These people have money. Also, Archie and his family will be there and he has two daughters in their mid twenties. When I opened my wardrobe I realised I dress like I'm forty already."

"You dress really nicely, Casey."

"I just don't want to feel old."

"You aren't old."

"I feel it."

Marti had always been more perceptive than the rest of our family.

"Trying to impress someone?"

"Impress…no. Trying to stop some inevitable teasing…yes."

She frowned. "Teasing?"

"Derek's going."

My sister's mouth made an 'O' shape.

"If Derek's going then we need to get you a whole new wardrobe." She announced.

"I'm not trying to impress Derek, Marti. Just trying not to look like the poor relation."

She grinned. "I know. But it wouldn't hurt if it knocked his socks off along the way."

"Stop it, Marti! It's over between Derek and me, remember?

"Whatever, Casey. But I'm really in the mood for this shopping trip."

* * *

Marti was a mom. It was true. She was still young though, with young friends and she had a young sense of style; or rather younger than mine. With her help we pulled my serious wardrobe into something lighter and much nearer my own age. She managed to pick out a variety of casual and more formal outfits in the latest colours and styles and even I had to admit the combinations, which I would never have picked for myself, were flattering. And the new clothes made me feel better about myself.

She didn't stop at the clothes, persuading me to have my hair trimmed, for the first time in a long while, and getting me to restock my make-up on a trip into Macy's.

"That's much better!" was the verdict as we had dinner before the show. "You look every bit of twenty eight. You've aged well Casey. You should show it off."

Even I could see when we stood beside each other in front of my bedroom mirror, that I looked closer in age to Marti than the reality.

"Are you going to say yes to Simon now?" I asked her later on the way home from Broadway. "Derek and I managed to be in the same room together again. You could probably persuade him to come to your wedding."

Marti shook her head. "I'm not marrying Simon until this stupid business between you and my brother is sorted out once and for all."

"Marti…" I turned to reprimand her and stopped. She was crying.

"Casey. I love you both so very much, and this conflict between you pulls me apart. I hoped when you saw each other again that you would realise you've been such fools. I saw the love between you two long before you acted on it, and I don't believe that love has gone. So forgive me if I say I still hope."

"I'm sorry Smarts." And I was close to tears myself. "I've hurt so many people."

She rounded on me. "No. You didn't. Not initially. You made a decision. Fine. Derek reacted to it. Fine. But for you both to continue this way after fifteen _fucking_ years." She wiped her nose inelegantly on her sleeve.

"I've tried talking to Ed about it. But he's so wrapped up in his own sorrow. He's being every bit as much of a martyr as you are. If he would just suck it up and make a move on Lizzie maybe you and Derek would snap out of it. He says I don't understand. I hate that! I'm not six anymore."

Her last statement would have had more weight had she not stamped her foot on the word "hate".

"Marti. We have to deal with what life throws at us. I'm resigned to the life I have. God. I envy you what you and Simon have together, which is why it is just so _insane_ for you not to marry him."

"Simon understands."

"Yeah. Don't hurt him Martha. Yours is the one functional relationship amongst the McDonald-Venturi kids. Don't screw it up."

"I'm not marrying him." She said bluntly. "Not until."

* * *

We walked and talked that weekend. Marti asked me a lot about my meetings with Derek. She said he had been characteristically reticent about keeping her up to date. When I asked what he had said she shrugged.

"He said. "Casey's Casey. She hasn't changed. And neither have I." Which left me completely in the dark."

I smiled. And we switched topics to something more comfortable.

Watching her pass through the barrier to join her flight home was hard. It was always hard to say goodbye to my family, but just lately I had felt closer to Marti.

The journey back from the airport was uneventful, but the elevator in my apartment block was out so I was forced to climb five flights of stairs. As I let myself into my apartment I could hear the phone ringing. I slammed the door shut behind me and made a dash for the phone.

I was breathless when I got there.

"What's up with you?" Derek said on the line.

"Ran for the phone." I panted. I took deep breaths and tried to get my breathing under control.

"You haven't sounded like that on the phone to me for a while." He said amused.

For some reason that made me angry.

"Is there a point to this call?"

There was silence and I wondered if I had overdone the irritation.

I heard him take a breath.

"Yeah actually there is. I've finished the early chapters that you asked for. Do you want me to fed-ex them or wait until next weekend."

I sat down heavily on the sofa.

"I've got a manic week this week so I won't get chance to look at them. Let's leave it till the weekend."

"Okay. Fine." I could tell he was ready to hang up."  
"Derek?"  
"Casey?"

"What line did you decide to go down with the book? Career or life?"

He chuckled. "Choose Life, _Babe_."


	10. The Guest House

It was big, I'd give Roswell Etheridge that much. Whether it was entirely tasteful was another matter even if it was, without question, a mansion. He had built the place himself about twenty years ago and it was clearly supposed to mimic some English architecture from the Georgian period. I liked that style myself it was just he had taken it to extremes.

I'd rented a car to get there and as I drove up the sweeping drive, I cursed under my breath. This was obviously going to be an awful experience, and I thanked Marti silently for being so thorough on our shopping trip.

The car crested the hill and I parked between an imported Bentley and an Aston Martin in a deep grey colour. It made my little rented Prius stick out like a sore thumb, even if it was new. By the time I had extracted myself from my car, a small man in a uniform had appeared beside me.

"Good morning, Miss McDonald, may I take your bags?" I nodded at the skivvy, surprised that he knew my name, but then Archie appeared at the main door.

"Hi Case! Welcome to the funeral parlour! Wow! You look fantastic!"

I was wearing one of my new outfits, skinny jeans and a long tailored shirt in a rich blue, with a wide belt. My hair had started to co-operate now that it had been cut and the natural curls bounced on my shoulders.

"You don't often wear your hair down. You should."

I smiled at him, relieved to see a friendly face, and then my grin widened as another familiar face appeared beside him. Elisabeth.

"Lise!" I exclaimed and ran to give her a hug. It had been many months since I had seen her, and it was far too long. Her embrace was welcoming and reassuring and I waited for her to break it, not wanting to be away from the warmth of the older woman who had become a good friend.

"You owe me an apology." She stated, finally letting me free. "It's been too long, Casey."

I looked apologetic. "It has. I'm sorry. Blame your husband."

She laughed a genuine laugh. "Oh I do, darling, but he apologises so beautifully."

Smiling, to my surprise, she led me back down the steps and round the corner of the building.

"I have to say, Case, you really are very lucky. Ross has condescended to let you stay in the Guest suite rather than the main house. You'll be spared all sorts of indignities."

"Really?" I was surprised. "Why the special treatment?"

"Oh it has very little to do with you, hun." She said, taking my arm. "and everything to do with that delicious step-brother of yours."

"Derek?" I was confused.

"Or rather his autobiography. Ross says this is a working weekend for you." Only Elisabeth could get away with calling her father-in-law 'Ross'.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"The idea is that you will get some peace being out in the guest house rather than with the rest of us, space for you to write."

This was fantastic news!

"Lise! That's great! Who do I thank?"

"Archie I suppose, although the original plan was just to put Derek in there, but it was Derek that suggested you should be there too."

"What?!" I stopped still. "Derek?"

She stopped with me. "Yes, why?"

"Derek is going to be in the guest wing with me?"

"Why? Is that a problem?"

I shook myself free. "No…I just. He suggested we should both be there?" That didn't sound right.

"Yeah. He said it would be more convenient for working together."

"Did you remove all the sharp and heavy objects?"

Lise frowned. "You aren't happy with this?"

"Lise I have no right to be unhappy with this, it's just, Derek and I in close proximity without chaperones is a bad idea. You'll be needing police intervention."

She smiled. "Archie said you two had issues."

I bit my bottom lip. "Lise. You remember that conversation we had about a year ago over why I was still single?"

"Yes."

"And I told you that I fell in love with the wrong guy and it had screwed me up?"

"Yes."

"It was Derek."

Elisabeth was silent. She was evidently thinking back over the conversation.

"So how come he wants you to stay in the guest wing with him?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, Lise. But it can't be good."

* * *

The guest wing was a one storey building set to one side of the main house, and nearby was a third building which Lise told me housed the pool. The collection of buildings was surrounded by extensive landscaped gardens and it all screamed wealth.

Lise stepped up to the entrance of the guest house and opened the door.

The inside was every bit as luxurious as its exterior promised. Hardwood floors with deep-piled rugs, antique furniture and wood panelling. I briefly wondered if they had had the same interior designer for the New York office. Then I remembered that the New York office was the real deal, and this was merely twenty years old.

The house consisted of two bedrooms, both with en-suite, a tiny kitchen and a large living room where obviously we were expected to work. An extensive network and printer set-up was laid out, just waiting for my laptop to be connected and on a shelf nearby I saw a box of printer paper.

Lise showed me the kitchen with its stocked fridge and wine cellar. I froze at the wine.

"Lise. Do me a favour. Lose the wine, okay? And any other alcohol in here."

She looked taken aback but nodded. "Sure."

Then we crossed into the right hand of the two bedrooms.

It was stunning.

The largest bed I had ever seen took up the main floor space and everything about the décor spoke money.

"Wow!"

"I know. The building maybe awful, but my mother-in-law sure knew how to decorate."

"You aren't kidding. Is there a dog basket for me to sleep in?"

She laughed, and sat on the bed.

"Do you want some time alone to freshen up?" She looked me up and down. "I have to say Casey, you don't need it. You look better than I have seen you look in a long time."

"Thanks. I let my youngest sister loose on me."

"Marti?" I nodded.

"She's done a good job."

"I'll just use the bathroom and touch up my make-up and then I'm good. Stay?" Suddenly I didn't want to face the other guests on my own.

Fortunately, Lise nodded.

* * *

We emerged from the little house about ten minutes later and walked towards the main house. Lise was filling me in on some of the history of the place and she had a dry sense of humour. We were giggling like school girls as we climbed the steps on the terrace and walked into the group of guests who were drinking coffee and eating what looked like an indecent selection of cake.

I saw Derek before I reached the top step, so I was watching him when his eyes turned towards me. A look of complete shock passed over his face and then a small smirk as he turned away to talk to a seriously attractive young girl.

_Yeah. That figures. He brought someone with him._

But, despite the thoughts running through my mind, I couldn't help but look at the clothes he was wearing. He looked good in black jeans and a shirt.

Lise brought me to the group, central to which was Ross.

"Ah! Casey." My ultimate boss said. "You look beautiful as always."

_Hmmm. Not what he said to me the other day._

I smiled graciously and sat in the offered seat. Another minion appeared beside me and offered tea or coffee. I took the coffee.

Over to the side, I heard Derek say something and the blonde girl giggle.

This was going to be excruciating.

Archie came over and rescued me from Roswell.

"Casey. Let me introduce you to my daughters."

I stood up enthusiastically and followed him across the terrace.

"Henrietta, Louisa. This is Casey McDonald. I'm sure you've heard me talk about her."  
Derek's blonde and another girl beside her turned and smiled politely. The other girl, Henrietta it appeared put out her hand to shake mine. I smiled back.

"Hello Casey. Of course I've heard of you. Mummy and Daddy talk about you a lot."

She must be all of twenty five, but I spotted the engagement ring on her finger straight away. It looked expensive and I remembered Archie saying something about her fiancé being a rising star on Wall Street. Her younger sister, Louisa reluctantly left Derek and held out her hand.

"Louisa." She said, perfunctorily shaking my hand. "And this is Derek Venturi." She said it possessively and in a way that said I should know Derek's name. I wondered how long he had known Louisa. She was making it very obvious that she wanted him.

Derek smirked. "Casey and I know each other, Louisa." And I expected the step-sister comment to follow, but he didn't provide it.

"Oh?" She sounded surprised, and I heard an element of distain in her voice which had been missing from her sister's.

"Derek and I lived together many years ago." I said, smiling sweetly. God only knows why I said it, but the look on her face was priceless. Derek, meanwhile, was struggling not to laugh.

"Hello, Jerk." I said in what I hoped was a disinterested tone.

"Space Case." He acknowledged. He didn't provide Louisa with any further explanation and I suspected he would get grilled later. It wasn't that I could hide the fact he was my step-brother, she would find out soon enough, but the picture of her face as I had made my statement would, I hoped be enough to cushion me against any snide comments. I was sure there would be snide comments.

I wondered how Lise and Archie had managed to produce a daughter like that. Then I heard Roswell laugh and I remembered the rest of her heritage.

I sipped my coffee and made small talk with Henrietta who seemed to be a really nice girl. Louisa, however, quickly turned from me back to Derek, playing with the collar on his shirt in a possessive manner. Derek appeared to be lapping it up.

Roll on Monday.

* * *

The rest of the party of twelve consisted of business associates of Roswell. They were rich and I was not so we had little in common. I was truly the odd one out, because Derek these days was not short of money. I soon discovered that the Aston I had parked next to belonged to him.

Lise played the role of hostess to the little group. She had arranged a number of activities for everyone to take part in, including golf on her father-in-law's private course and clay pigeon shooting. She had produced a little timetable as well as a map of the grounds and we were told we were free to do as we pleased.

That however, did not apply to me, and as soon as people started to peel off and do their own thing, I excused myself and made my way back to the guest house.

I needed to set up my laptop and get myself organised.

I was under the table plugging in cables when Derek walked in. He had managed to remove his new appendage from his arm, and I wondered what he had said to make her go away.

"Looking for your sense of humour?" He asked as I sat up suddenly and banged my head on the desk.

"I know I packed it, but something has made it go missing; which is a shame because the idea of sharing a house with you for even a weekend is just too ridiculous for words."

He scratched his head. "Fine. I just thought you'd rather have your own space than stay with Moneybags , Shaft'em and Scarper at the big house. But if you've changed your mind…"

I sighed as I climbed out. "No. Thanks. I appreciate it." I looked about me.

"Where's Barbie?"

He smirked. "Bitch Casey? You don't see that very often."

I leaned over to plug in the other end of the cable.

"I don't like people who look down on me. Especially when they are so much _younger_ than me." I glanced up. "Than _us._" I corrected pointedly and narrowed my eyes.

"Do you seriously find that sort of fawning attractive?"

He shrugged. "I'm not encouraging her."

"You aren't discouraging her, either."

Derek watched me thoughtfully. It was disconcerting.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said, carefully, quietly. He straightened suddenly, making me jump.

"Right. Do you want to get started on this or not?"

"Now?" I was surprised. I thought he would be off playing golf or letting Barbie paw him.

He nodded. "The sooner we get started the sooner we're rid of each other and can go safely back into Egypt."

"Nice. If you were making any sense." Deep breath. "Yeah sure. Let's get started on it."


	11. New Chapters

"Tell me about the new chapters." I said, still pottering around, getting myself sorted while Derek pulled up a second chair at the desk. "You say you opted for the life viewpoint rather than the career viewpoint."

He lounged back on his chair, watching me, his eyes following my movements faithfully.

"Yeah. I wrote about the Fam this time." His tone was matter-of-fact as if he didn't expect me to react. But how could I not?

Writing about the family meant writing about the McDonalds and the Venturis coming together. It meant talking about living in the same house together. It meant mentioning our relationship.

Didn't it?

My hands started to shake. "All of us?" I was trying to keep busy so that he couldn't see how his words had affected me. Derek folded his arms across his body and smirked.

"Yeah. All of you."

He wasn't unaware. He knew. He was playing with me.

"Including me." I tried to look unconcerned. I failed.

"Including you." He confirmed and his smirk widened. I got the feeling this was payback time. I stopped what I was doing.

"In how much detail?" I asked quietly.

"Enough." The smirk had gone now.

Was he serious? Had he really written about our affair?

"Including…?" I asked sitting down heavily on the chair beside him.

"Casey. It happened. I'm not going to pretend that it didn't." He wriggled himself up- right, running his fingers through his hair.

I felt sick. "Derek, you _can't_ write about it. Mom and George will read it." They would read about us falling in love, spending time together, skipping classes together. They would know how he seduced me…or was it the other way around? I rather suspected it was. Oh hell! He couldn't do this…could he?

"Good. Maybe it's time they realise what they did." He was unconcerned, relaxed.

"Everyone will read it. You'll be the hockey guy who screwed his sister." I protested.

He chuckled. "Step-sister…and I already am."

"As if those four letters and a hyphen will make any difference to the press. Oh God! The press. Please Derek, don't do this to me. You'll make me the centre of attention. People don't know about me. You announce something like that I'll have reporters camping on my doorstep." I could feel tears brimming in my eyes.

Derek was unmoved.

"It was you that said I needed stuff about my early years. I'm just doing what you asked." Was he really that cold?

Did he hate me that much?

"I didn't ask for that Derek. I don't want to be dragged into your world. I'm happy in mine."

"Yeah. I know." I didn't miss the bitter tone.

Panic rose in me.

"Please Derek. Don't. You said you loved me once."

His eyes met mine.

"Please if you loved me then, don't hurt me now."

Because it would hurt. Instead of it being a topic brought up infrequently when I went home where I could hide and cry in private, it would be all over the papers, over the internet. I would have no peace. Anything to do with Derek was big news. And something _this_ good…I would be the news story that never went away. Every time he hit the news, I would be mentioned. Everyone would know and my pain would be visible to everyone.

He stood up suddenly angry. "You're an editor, McDonald. Do your job!" And then he threw a memory stick onto the desk and stormed out of the guest house.

I cried because I couldn't help myself. I cried for what he had said, for who he had become, for what I had lost.

Still sobbing, I plugged the memory stick in and viewed the directory. The chapter listing was obvious, so I clicked on "Chapter one" and started to read.

I read for hours.

* * *

As the evening drew near I finished the last chapter and quietly shut down the laptop. The itinerary Lise had provided told me dinner was at 7.30pm with drinks from 7pm. I went into my room and saw that my bags had been unpacked and my clothes hung up. Opening the wardrobe, I selected a smart cocktail dress in a deep red colour and laid it on the bed then I crossed to the en-suite and took a shower.

When I emerged from my room, the door to Derek's room was open and I could smell masculine shower products in the damp air from his bathroom. But his bedroom was dark and he was nowhere to be seen. I checked myself in the mirror in my room again, noting the close-fitting dress, and matching shoes, and that my hair again seemed to be behaving as it bounced on my shoulders.

I looked good.

Even the unusual colour in my cheeks enhanced the look rather than detracted. No one would know the whirlwind that was my mind right now.

I left the guest house and took the little path to the main house, seeing my destination lit up in the room which opened onto the terrace. There were a few of the guests already there, including Derek. A waiter offered me a drink as I stepped into the room, but I took an orange juice in keeping with my new 'no-alcohol' rule. As I glanced across at Derek, I saw he was sipping clear liquid and I guessed it was a mineral water. He was standing with Archie, talking quietly and at my approach my boss looked up.

"Casey!" Archie greeted me with a kiss on my cheek. "Wow! My god! You look unbelievable. Run away with me now!"

"Archie. Your flattery is going to get you into trouble one of these days. Stop it!"

My friend chuckled. "Babe! It's only flattery if it isn't true, and I'm telling you now, you'll be the most attractive woman in the room tonight. Isn't that so, Derek?"

I could _kill_ my boss.

Derek looked amused. "You know what they say about women who wear red shoes…"

Typical Derek._ Red Shoes, no panties._

I kept my face neutral as Archie roared with laughter and inspected my behind.

"You know, Case. He may have a point."

"Fuck off."

That only made Archie laugh even more.

Lise came into the room and he excused himself and moved to join her, which left me with Derek.

I turned away from him, but he stepped closer.

"For what it's worth, he's right." A voice said in my ear, but when I turned to check that it was Derek he was already walking away.

Walking away to join Louisa who had just entered the room behind her mother.

* * *

Lise had put me next to Archie at dinner; between Archie and one of the younger members of Roswell's rich club. He was also the only singleton. I hoped this didn't mean that she was trying to match-make. A couple of times I caught her eye and my heart sank as I realised that was exactly what she was trying to achieve.

The guy next to me was called Rupert. He was attractive and about ten years older than me and he spent the whole meal trying to get into my pants. Even I could tell that.

"Casey, I understand you are the _hottest_ editor in New York. Is that true?" he put his hand over mine.

"You can hardly expect me to answer that." I said, quietly. He grinned.

"Ah…but I can tell that Archie wasn't exaggerating." He said.  
He had a bad selection of chat-up lines and it made me uncomfortable.

But I tried to remain polite, and Lise when she had introduced us had made it, unsubtly, clear that he was a good catch.

His approach was wrong though and equally, like I said, any guy trying to make it into my pants was fighting comparison with Derek – and a losing battle.

As the meal progressed, I glanced up from Rupert's attentions and saw Derek watching me. He had a conflicted look on his face, and I wondered why. Derek was sitting next to Louisa, no doubt by her design. She may only be twenty three, but I suspected there was a high probability of her hand being on his thigh.

I tried not to think about that. I wasn't allowed to think about that. What my step-brother got up to was his own business.

Too tired of his games to ponder the meaning of his stare for too long, I turned back to Rupert who had asked me a question and the meal proceeded.

* * *

When we left the table and mingled in one of the other reception rooms which bordered the terrace, I felt out of place again. The topics of conversation ranged from expensive foreign trips to large scale purchases. Even Henrietta and Louisa were talking about a forthcoming holiday to Monte Carlo where Henrietta wanted to top up her tan before the wedding.

As soon as I could, I slipped away from the gathering and made my way out onto the terrace. It was late summer and the weather had yet to turn, so the evening was mild. I found a quiet, sheltered spot away from the windows and stood watching the moonlight.

It was a clear night, and the moon kept the sky bright. Across the gardens a small fountain bubbled and it was all pretty clichéd. Amused, I leaned on the balustrade of the terrace and watched how the light changed the appearance of the garden, leeching the colour and adding a depth of its own.

After several minutes, I realised I wasn't alone, and sighed inwardly, convinced Rupert had followed me out onto the terrace. I turned my head slightly, but it wasn't Rupert.

It was Derek.

"Why?" It was the only phrase I could think of.

"Why what?"

"Why did you write that?" I had wanted to ask him all evening.

He chuckled. "It's my autobiography Casey, the story of my life. It's how it happened."

I turned fully towards him then, but I said nothing. We stared at each other.

A phrase from his autobiography stuck in my mind.

"_It should have been the best of times. It felt like the worst. There were parties to celebrate my signing, my family and friends were all there. Only one person was missing. And that was the one that counted."_

He had written about the family. He had written with humour and with love. There were many anecdotes which made you roar with laughter; the Venturis always were an entertaining bunch and Derek had a way with words. His English wasn't exceptional, slightly above average, but he wrote with character and a fondness for his subjects.

There were stories about each and everyone of us, most of which I had forgotten and all of which I enjoyed reliving. He was economical with his words, making each one count, as he painted a picture of his childhood and adolescence.

He mentioned me.

I was the annoying step-sister that we both remembered, and a lot of the anecdotes were things from our time together at school. Klutzilla was there, and the clash of the bands, the parties, the disasters…everything we went through until we went to university.

And then it changed.

Of his time at university he still wrote with humour. He mentioned his friends and stories of their escapades, some of which I knew and some of which I didn't. And, yes, he wrote about us.

The language he used was different, it was simple, unembellished. He wrote in detail about us falling in love, the time we spent together, weaving in the story of the hockey scouts and his signing. And he wrote of the climax of our love, and the horrific, catastrophic fall which ended it. He wrote of how I ended it, and of the aftermath.

The one thing he left out…was my name.


	12. The Past

"When I tell someone I love them, I mean it."

Derek's voice broke through my thoughts. "I loved you then, I…" he turned away to watch the fountain. "…I can't hurt you now."

Somehow I got the feeling he had changed his mind about that sentence at the last minute. So what had he started to say?

"Fifteen years of not speaking to me isn't supposed to hurt?" I asked, quietly.

"That was…"

He got interrupted.

"Hi Gorgeous!" Louisa was tottering her way towards us. Her white dress covered in spangles which caught the soft moonlight and made her sparkle like a bauble on a Christmas tree. The dress was evidently expensive, but like her grandfather's building skills, not hugely tasteful. Derek's eyes flicked to mine and I saw a quick amusement in his gaze. He held my attention for a second as if sharing a private joke with me and then, smirking, turned to Louisa.

"What's up?"

She reached him and wound her way into his side.

"You're neglecting me. I don't like being neglected." She pouted. It was actually rather funny and I had to bite my lip trying not to laugh. Derek bent his head to mine. "Behave yourself, princess." He whispered chuckling and I realised I hadn't hidden my amusement as well as I thought I had.

"I will if you will." I retorted, and once again laughter danced in his eyes as he straightened. He caught Louisa's waist with his arm and started to lead her back inside. Reluctantly, I followed.

Despite Roswell's statement that he loved Canada, it also appeared he had a real thing for the English way of life too. Not only had he built his house to (badly) imitate one of the crowning architectural styles of that country, but he had also named one of his reception rooms the 'drawing room'. The name was an abbreviation of '_with_drawing room' and referred to the room people went to after a formal meal. Naturally, it was where he had taken his current guests.

If this had really been fifties England, there would have been bridge tables out and someone would be picking out tunes on the large grand piano in the corner. Lise came to me as we re-entered the room, slipped her arm through mine and on hearing my wry enquiry as to where Miss Marple was, she cheerfully informed me that no one in the house could play a note or play bridge, and she warned me to avoid the alternative offering of Poker as Roswell had a reputation as a card shark.

And with those few words, she made me relax. I sat next to her on a chintz love seat and let the atmosphere soak in.

It was a largely cordial evening, except when Roswell and one of his friend got into a heated debate about racehorses, but the other guests were chatting cheerfully.

Off to one side, the love of my life was playing footsie with the airhead blonde daughter of my boss.

Maybe I needed a new job.

Henrietta came and sat near to her mother and me. Lise asked her a question about the wedding preparations and before long I was drawn into a discussion about floral arrangements, wedding colours and, surprisingly, hymn music. The latter I found I knew quite a bit about, having sung in the choir at my school in Toronto. She was puzzling over the name of a piece of music that she wanted. She hummed a little of the piece and I recognised it, joining in and then giving her the name. Henrietta was very grateful.

"You have a good voice, Casey and a good knowledge of hymn music." Elisabeth said approvingly.

"I used to enjoy singing in my school choir."

"In London?" She asked.

I laughed. "No. Toronto. I didn't do singing in London."  
Derek, who I had thought too distracted to be listening to me, raised his head from his conversation with Louisa.

"Liar. What about Clash of the Bands?"

I threw him a 'shut up, Derek' look.

Archie looked up too. "Clash of the Bands???" he said, chuckling. "What's this Casey? Do we have a pop-star in our midst?"  
"Don't be ridiculous, Archie. I sang Derek's lame song for a school competition."

"Derek's song?!" Louisa was impressed.

That figured.

"Were you in a band?"

My step-brother smiled. "Oh. You mean D-rock. Just an awesome group that me and a couple of guys set up."

_Nice Derek, never heard of modesty?_

"Really? OOoh Der! You should sing us something."

I laughed loudly. "No. He _really_ shouldn't."

Derek glared at me, but when he turned back to Louisa, his face was regretful.

"I would hun, but my throat is a bit sore tonight, and I'm commentating on a game in two days time, you don't want me hoarse, do you?"

"Aw sweetie…you want me to fix you some hot lemon?"

Derek grinned. "I'm good. Thanks."

Roswell stood up. "What you need is a large measure of my scotch."

I saw Derek's face pale. I was sure he would find some way to deal with it, but…

"Mr Etheridge." I piped up. "Would you mind if Derek didn't have any alcohol?" Derek stared at me. "Only, we have a lot of work to do on the book and I'd rather he was sober for it."

Mr Etheridge stared at me as though I was insane, but then he turned to Derek.

"What d'ya say Venturi?"

Derek shook his head. "She's right, Roswell. I need to be able to concentrate, besides which my nutritionalist will go mental if she hears I've been drinking scotch. Can't let my body suffer."

"There's nothing wrong with your body, Der." Louisa said.

_Excuse me while I vomit_.

The conversation turned back to the wedding preparations and then more generally on to people's anecdotes about bad weddings they had been to.

Derek, in turn, told the apparently "amusing" story of Marti throwing up at our parents' wedding.

"Marti's going to love you for sharing that one, D." I said, unconsciously using his nickname.

He shrugged. "It could have been worse. I could be telling everyone about you and the dessert tray."

"Don't you dare!"

"Are you sure?" Derek smirked. Louisa was _not _enjoying our conversation. It took the emphasis away from her.

"Oh I'm sure. You aren't the only one with anecdotes, Venturi."

Archie grinned. "I'll give you fifty bucks if you tell me later, Derek."

"Deal." The bane of my existence said, laughing.

Elisabeth was watching her daughter pawing Derek. A couple of times I saw my friend bite her lip and I wondered if she was considering saying something. I really hoped not, they were both adults, and it wasn't Louisa's fault that I was still hung up on Derek.

It was her fault that she was stupid.

Roswell was also watching Louisa and he was smiling indulgently.

"So when are you going to settle down, Derek?" her grandfather asked.

There was a pause. It would have been interesting to see how Derek looked, but I couldn't raise my head.

"I am settled."  
"With a wife, I mean."

Derek laughed. "I'd make a bad husband. Nah. Women cry too much as it is, why make one even more unhappy?"

Louisa grinned. "You just need the right woman."

Derek snickered. "Yeah. Maybe I do."

She settled back happily beside him, and when I did look up Derek's eyes dropped from where they caught mine to look at hers.

* * *

I excused myself quite early. I was tired, having driven quite a way to reach the mansion, but it was more the effort of being in Derek's company which cost me. I slipped into my pyjamas and robe, and settled in bed with a book.

It was the same novel as I had been reading back in London, although I hadn't had time to pick it up since then. When I opened the cover, the photograph of Derek and me fell out.

He really hadn't changed much in fifteen years – except in his attitude towards me. It had never just been about looks, I had fallen for his personality. But the attraction was still there. I wondered if he was actually going to sleep in the room next to mine or whether he would cross the gardens and sneak up to Louisa's bedroom. Or maybe the reverse was true. I closed my eyes at the thought of him having sex in the room next to me.

Jealousy was not an emotion I was allowed to feel.

The photograph ruined my state of mind and I realised I couldn't sleep or read. It was still early so I got up again and went to work in the living room. Derek's door was open and his room in darkness, but I couldn't tell if he had been and gone or had yet to return.

I was curled up on the sofa, a throw around my legs and a couple of chapters on my lap when I heard voices outside the main door to the little house.

"Aw come on, Derek. I know you want to."

"No, Louisa."

"Why not?"

"Firstly, because I hardly know you, secondly because I am a guest of your grandfather and thirdly because, frankly, the idea of trying to screw you with Casey in the next room just makes me want to vomit."

"Why? She's just your lame sister. Didn't you used to have sex when she was in the next room when you lived at home?"

I heard Derek laugh. "No as a matter of fact, I didn't. Casey has a very developed sense of hearing and an even greater sense of prudishness. She'd have been knocking on our parents' bedroom door as fast as you could say coitus interruptus."

"Well your parents aren't here now." She had switched into her _bedroom_ voice.

_Ew!_

"But my step-sister is. Sorry Louisa. No."

"Not even a little taster?"

God I was so close to vomiting!

Derek chuckled. "You're persistent, aren't you?"

I had suspicions about where her hands were.

"The answer is still no, Louisa. There are other reasons too. Okay? Look, you're beautiful and I'm an ass. But the answer is no."

"For now?" Louisa said, hopefully.

"For now."

She huffed. "Okay. But I don't like it. She has an unhealthy influence over you. Henrietta wouldn't dream of interfering in my life like that."

"It wasn't exactly Casey's choice, Louisa. She didn't want to edit my book, I made her."  
"Why?"

"Oh god! Try to explain the relationship I have with Casey?…there aren't enough hours in the day. I've known her for almost twenty years and no one has ever understood the way we are together."

"Well I want you to stay away from her."

This was one spoilt little madam!

"She's staying in the same house as me, Louisa, be realistic."

What the fuck was it to do with her anyway? I guess wanting to get in someone's pants gives you that right. Maybe I should go and join the debate, start demanding that Derek comes to bed RIGHT now…my bed!

I laughed at myself, and pictured the look of horror on Derek's face if I rolled out the passion wagon.

"Outside of the house, I mean." Louisa backtracked.  
He snickered. "Don't worry. Casey will stay as far away from me as she can get. She doesn't want to be in the room with someone she hates so much either."

Derek thought I hated him. It was almost laughable in view of my actual feelings.

I could hear him opening the door, so I plugged my ipod into my ears and bent my head over my work. He stopped when he saw me, and involuntarily glanced over his shoulder, no doubt wondering if I had heard their conversation.

When he entered my eye-line I pulled the cables from my ears.

"Working?" he asked, for once with no disdain. I nodded.

"Which bit?"

"The Wedding. Just checking that you'd left the dessert story out."

He laughed softly.

"It was tempting." He said. "But I figured I ought to leave some stories for the sequel."

I stuck my tongue out at him, which made him laugh again.

"Fifteen again?" Derek said, sitting on the sofa beside me.

He picked up some of the discarded pages. "You read it all?" I nodded.

"What did you think?"

I took a deep breath. "It's better. Much better."

"And the bits about us?"

"I'm glad you left my name out of it."

"But, I can leave those chapters in?" he sounded surprised.

I shrugged. "It happened, and I have to say you were faithful…" our eyes met. "…to the story, at least. I was surprised after so long."

"Ask me again in another fifteen years and I'll be faithful…to the story then too."

We were silent.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"For what? Sleeping with your step-brother?" The disdain was back.

I shook his contempt off.

"For the hurt."

He shrugged. "Would you have done things differently?"

I couldn't answer that, it gave too much away. He would know then that I still loved him, and I couldn't face that humiliation. I looked away.

"Nah. I didn't think so." His voice was hard. It jarred with the tone of his earlier words. We sat in an uneasy silence.

"I should go to bed." He said, eventually, his tone still cutting.

"Derek."

"What?" He wouldn't look at me.

"I hurt myself too. More than you'll ever know."

He pulled a face.

"Yeah well, princess. Time heals old wounds and all that bull shit."

"Does it?" I asked honestly.

Then his eyes did meet mine and for a fraction of a second I thought I saw my pain mirrored in his face.

And then the feeling was gone.

"I really need to go to bed." He said, got up and was gone.


	13. Egypt

"Mommy? Are you desperately in need of me after dinner tonight? Only Matthew wants me to go to a new club with him."

"Which club?" Louisa asked before Elisabeth could reply to her eldest daughter.

"Vesuvio. It's just opened. Anyone who is anyone is going." Henrietta said, and there was excitement in her eyes. I'd never heard of it, but that says more about my social life than anything else.

We were having breakfast around the same large table that we had dined at last night. This time Derek was sitting next to me, because when he had finally surfaced this morning, it was the only seat left.

"Ooo! That's the state of the art one, with all that cool sound system and graphics. The VIP suite is supposed to be out of this world. Did Matthew get you on the VIP list?"

Henrietta nodded. "Do you want to come?" she asked her younger sibling.

"Der?" she asked, looking across at Derek. He shrugged.

"Sure, why not. Provided my hosts don't object."

Roswell sensing (from god knows where) _young love_ waved his hand in agreement.

"Go. Have fun!"

The girls squealed. Derek smiled.

"Casey?" he asked. "You want to come?"

I swallowed my coffee quickly before I could choke on it. Did Derek seriously just ask me to go with them?

"I'm a bit old for that."

"You can say that again." Louisa said, not even bothering to lower her voice. Lise hissed at her.

"I'm six months older than you." Derek pointed out, ignoring the glares from the bunny opposite.

I shrugged.

"They won't let her in anyway. It will be a limited guest list. Matthew will only be allowed to bring a total of four people." Louisa said, continuing her anti-Casey stance.

"Fine," Derek said. "I'll just make a few calls. Shall we leave straight after dinner tonight? I'll deal with the transport."

Henrietta and her sister looked ecstatic, but I suspected it was for different reasons.

* * *

Derek and I worked on the book all morning, broke for lunch and then continued into the afternoon. It was shaping up into a good autobiography, one of the best ones I had dealt with in a while. And somehow we managed it without fighting. He teased me about being a keener, and a stickler for grammar and I nagged him about his punctuation. A couple of times we laughed together and the whole process became less awkward.

Yeah right…and de Nile is a river in…_fuck!_

We had stopped for a coffee at about three. Derek was making it in the little kitchen and I was leaning back on the sofa rubbing tired eyes, when I had _that_ thought process. The memory of our conversation the previous afternoon sprung suddenly to mind.

_Egypt._

But before I could examine the thought, Derek came back through. As he set the mugs on the coffee table, he glanced at me and did a double take.

"Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Maybe you need to get out in the sun more." I retorted, but it lacked my usual edge.

"Once a spacecase, always a spacecase." He said as his cell rang and he pulled it from his jeans to answer it.

"Yo! Benny, Dude! Did you manage it? Sweet. Yeah? That would be great. Nah, we'll all crash at mine afterwards. Sure. Okay. See you then."

He hung up and grinned.

"Okay if we finish about six? We'll need to get ready for the club before dinner."

I made an affirmative motion with my hand.

Derek sipped his coffee. "What are you going to wear?" he asked casually.

"Sweats and a t-shirt." I answered.

He narrowed his eyes at me. I shrugged.

"I'm going to be working here."

He chuckled. "Oh no you aren't. You're coming with us. Ducking out of parties when you were a kid was sort of acceptable. You're a big girl now, and you need to get out. There's someone I want you to meet, and he can't meet you properly unless you come out with us."  
"Der-ek!"

But that only made him laugh.

We worked for another ninety minutes and then I suggested we stopped. My eyes were tired and if I was going to get dragged to a club tonight I needed a rest.

I made the mistake of telling Derek that I needed a rest, which made him laugh like a drain and call me Great Aunt Cassandra. I stuck my tongue out at him and told him to go play with his plastic doll.

There was a flash of anger across his face before the smirk returned and he disappeared out the door. I cursed my stupid mushy brain for the crap that it fed my mouth and made a mental note to put another twenty in my swear box.

* * *

Marti's clothing selection didn't really have anything designed for clubbing. I had heard Louisa and Henrietta discussing the club and it wasn't the sort of place to wear jeans to. But there was a blue jersey dress made of a very fine weave which clung to me in a slightly indecent manner (to my mind), I teamed it with a wide pewter-coloured belt and bag and matching blue heels. And because I had had so many compliments the last time, I left my hair down and let it curl.

I was just about to leave when my cell phone rang.

**Marti Home**

"Hey Marti!" I said cheerfully. "I was just thinking about you."

"Liar."

"No. Seriously. I was just admiring another one of your clothing choices."

"Oh. Which one?"

"The blue jersey dress and the pewter belt."

I heard her chuckle. "Wow! Casey. Who are you trying to impress? I chose that one more in hope than expectation."

I made a dismissive noise. "I wore the red dress last night."

"How did that go down?"

"Really well, except Derek made some comment about red shoes."

She laughed. "Red shoes, no panties. I'm impressed Casey, you've got his mind in the right area already." She became serious. "Seriously, how's it going, hun?"  
I sighed and sat on my bed.

"I'm having to share a guest suite with him so that we have somewhere quiet to work. My boss' nubile twenty three year old daughter thinks he's, I quote "edible" – which just brings so many images to mind I'd rather not have. And last night, I heard him turn down her offer of rampant sex because apparently I'm a prude with the hearing of a St Bernard."

There was a snort as Marti stifled her laughter. "Sorry, Case."

"No go ahead. 'What do we live for if not to make sport for our neighbours and laugh at them in our turn?'."

Marti ignored the quote. I guess she was used to me by now.

"So why are you wearing the blue jersey dress?"

"We're all going to a nightclub in New York tonight. Derek has made Louisa livid, because he's insisting on me going along, despite the fact neither I nor anyone else wants me there."

My little sister gasped. "Seriously. Derek is forcing you to go out with him tonight?"

"Put it away, Marti. Me, him, two airheads and a couple of guys I've never met."

"Don't sell yourself short."

"Look hun. If you are looking for a wedding, charity begins at home. Derek and I are staying under the same roof again, and today we even shared a joke. Please. For my sake, just accept Simon's proposal."

"I gotta go," My sister said, "Polly is crying. Casey, I told you, you and Derek first."

"But…" and she was gone.

* * *

Derek had disappeared again when I emerged from our house and made my way over to the drawing room. He re-appeared as dinner was announced and we were already seated, and he took the same place beside me that he had occupied at breakfast. We ate quickly because the girls were eager to go. Out of something to break the silence which had descended rather than real curiosity I asked how we were getting to New York.

"We're taking my car, and Benny's Hummer." Derek said, eating with more grace than I had remembered him having.

"Who's Benny?" I asked and at the same time we all became aware of a honking sound outside. Derek grinned.

"That, if I'm not mistaken is Benny."

We had finished dessert, and after a brief glance at Roswell for permission and a smile for Elisabeth, Derek stood up and made for the door. The girls began to follow him, waving to their mom and I trailed along behind. He moved into the entrance foyer just as a guy a year or two older than Derek bounded up the stone steps. It wasn't until he got to the flat floor space that I realised he had a significant limp.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you my close friend, mentor and former team captain, Benwick or "Benny" to the rest of us. Benny, I give you Henrietta, Louisa and Casey."

Benwick nodded politely to the other two girls; me he stepped towards.

"So this is Casey…I'm delighted to finally meet you. You have no idea how much I've heard about you."

"Benwick…" Derek said warningly. I smiled winningly at Derek's friend.

"Do tell…"

Benwick laughed. "I'd love to, Casey but it would take a while and we'd never get out the door. I'm also rather fond of my face the way it is." He turned to the waiting group. "Right! Who wants a ride in my Hummer?"

Louisa, resplendent tonight in a red strapless dress that she might have been sewn into and with red platform style heels did that totter thing again and wound up next to Derek.

"Derek's going to be my _ride_." She announced.

Oh god! She wasn't talking about the car!

I saw a look pass between Derek and Benwick and the latter grinned at Louisa.

"Sugar, there is no way you'll manage to climb in and out of the Aston in that hot little number. Ride shotgun with me instead. I'll make you purr." He winked at her.

"Benny has a point, Lou." Henrietta said. Derek nodded.

"You really want to try and get out of the car in front of the club plus all those photographers and accidentally flash your fanny?" He said.

She pouted. I had no sympathy. She should have chosen a dress and shoes which were a little more practical. It's all very well being eye candy, but you have to dress for the occasion. Reluctantly, she agreed. The alternative was for her to change her clothes – time-consuming and she would regret it later when she was rubbing herself up against my step-brother.

"I'll take Casey with me." Derek said. "I'm sure we can suspend hostilities for a two-hour car journey."

"Two hours?!" Louisa protested.

"Don't worry. I got alcohol." Benwick announced propelling them towards the sleek black vehicle he had abandoned at the front steps.

I followed Derek to the Aston and smiled as he opened the door for me.

"Is it safe for me to get in or will you slam the door on me?" I asked, hesitating.

"It's safe." He said, but as I got in he pretended to shove the door shut. Not much, just a few inches. I paused, a hand on my hip.

"Derek Venturi, so help me…I'll…"

He leaned on the open car door and looked at me, our faces inches apart. "You'll what?" He asked, smirking.

"I'll think of something." I hissed, but not actually as annoyed as I made out.

Remembering an old documentary on etiquette, and the scene where ladies were taught how to climb in and out of a low slung sports car in a tight dress, I reversed into the bucket seats and swung my legs in with my ankles together.

"Very elegant." Derek muttered with a smile as he got in the driver's seat.

"Thank you. We aim to please." I said, buckling myself in. Derek did the same.

"_Really? _Please who?" He raised an eyebrow.

Then without warning, he started the engine with a growl and pulled out of the parking space in a squeal of tyres.

"Der-ek!"

* * *

**AN: He he. I wrote this and posted it, and then I went to the Aston Martin website. You can download the sound of the cars starting! So I changed to the 'roar' of Derek's car to a 'growl'. (The DB9 sounds almost silly!!!! Go listen!)**


	14. Payback

He scared the shit out of me with the speed he drove at…

…while we were on the driveway of the mansion. But as he turned onto the main highway, he slowed down and drove normally.

"Isn't this a bit sedate for this car?" I asked, curiously.

Derek shrugged. "My driving instructor taught me to rein in my speed need."

I looked at him and he grinned.

He meant me. I had got him through his driving test when we were sixteen.

"Why have a fast car then?"

"I have my occasional silly moment, and it impresses people. It's part of brand Venturi. I'm expected to turn up at games and parties in a hot car with a hot babe."

I snorted. "Bad luck, Derek. Rep going down tonight."

He stared at me.

"Love life so lame you have to take your sister." I elaborated. "Maybe you should have taken Louisa in your car after all."

"She wishes." He said quietly as I got the unplanned double entendre in my statement.

We paused and then both of us laughed.

"What the hell do guys see in girls like her?" I found myself asking as the laughter died away.

"That's exactly it, Case. She's all vision. All image. What you see is what you get."  
I looked out of the window at the darkening scene as it sped past.

"And you like that?" My voice was quiet.

"It's easy…uncomplicated." He replied.

"No annoying mothers with their opinions." I stated.

"No."

We were quiet for several minutes until it finally got to me and I reached forward to put on the radio. Derek had had a CD player fitted, which was rare these days and it was that which I switched to On and pressed Random.

An electronic sound started low and wound up, then guitar and drum beats, and finally an electric keyboard cut in. I recognised the track. Muse's 'Uprising'.

"Seriously, D?" I asked in astonishment. "Still???!"

He chuckled. "Still one of the best."

"Is this the compilation CD that we…?"

"Yup. The same one. The case is in the glove compartment."

"With…?"

"Yeah. With your annotations."

"Shit!" I laughed. "That's…unexpected."

He chuckled. "Do you listen to the other copy?"

I bit my lip and nodded, a wry smile forcing itself onto my face.

"There you go then." He said, his eyes flicking between mine and the road.

We sang along for a while and then the track ended and then 'Resistance' started.

"Oh." I said, quietly. "I used to listen to this a lot."

"After…?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Me too."

We listened to the track and I tried not to think about the words.

.

"Do you hate me?" I wasn't sure why I was asking, but I needed to know.

"Not anymore." Derek said, surprising me. His eyes were firmly on the road ahead. "I did for a while several years back, during a really dark spell." He glanced at me suddenly a massive grin on his face. "You do realise you drove me to therapy?"

My mouth dropped open. "You…on a couch?" My voice was total disbelief.

He nodded. "Well, you and a load of other shit."

"The drinking?"

"Yeah. I blew up at Nora and Dad when I was visiting one time and in desperation Dad called Paul Greeby. We talked for four fucking hours and then he got me into rehab – discreetly. We told the press it was groin strain."

I sniggered…which was unfair.

I apologised.

"No. I laugh at it too now…the groin strain."

"The drinking was my fault?"

Derek leaned his elbow on the car door and rested his head on his hand while he drove.

"I never needed an excuse to drink Casey. Even when I was a teenager, I'm sure you suspected that. But, what happened with us…it didn't help, although a load of shit with injuries and hazing was the real cause."

"Hazing?"

"I was still at college for some of it."

"Oh."

This had happened while we were living near each other and he didn't come to me for help? That hurt. He might not have been my boyfriend anymore, but I was his step-sister and his friend, and I had cared. I corrected myself; still cared.

I closed my eyes as tears threatened.

"If you had been there, maybe it would have made a difference, but don't blame yourself, princess." Derek said softly, as if reading my thoughts. "If you had been around, I'd have probably screwed it all up anyway. Maybe us ending would have been my fault."

The music switched to Exogenesis Part Three and we lapsed into silence.

"Will you be okay in the club?" The thought suddenly occurred to me. Alcohol and nightclubs.

He straightened in his seat.

"Yeah. Personally, I've always found it one of the easier places to be around alcohol. People understand if you don't have a drink in your hand and the bar is always well away from the dance floor." He chuckled. "I dance a lot these days."

"If it gets too much, you tell me and we'll go."

His head turned quickly so that he could look at me. After a second, he turned back to the road.

"I saw you got Elisabeth to take the alcohol out of the house. Thanks. Social situations like that…they're the hardest. Because people press you so much and you don't want to offend, but you can't tell them."

"Why did you tell me?"

"You beat it out of me, remember?"

I sighed. "We bring out the worst in each other." Then I narrowed my eyes to look at him. "Why, if you don't hate me, have you been treating me so badly for the last few weeks?"

"Casey, Casey, Casey. Because it isn't fun unless I'm getting under your skin. I'm the constant itch you need to scratch."

I glared at him and he smirked. Then his face became serious.

"It isn't hate. It's just…" His voice faded away.

"I know. I'm sorry."  
"Will you quit saying sorry? It's done. Over. Finito. Endet We've both moved on. We were young. No harm…" He said the last part quietly, but without conviction. I wondered if he was thinking about Marti.

"We need to try and pull some sort of accommodation together, Derek. Marti and Simon need to get married."

"I know. But she can accept his proposal now, we would both turn up for the wedding." he grinned.

"Except Marti has moved the goal posts."

"Oh? How?"

I couldn't say it.

"I think you need to ask Marti about that."

Derek glanced at me. "What's she after? Wedding bells for us?" he joked. Then he spotted the look on my face. "You are kidding me?"

I shook my head. He laughed.

"I'll talk to her."

"Good. Because I love Simon and she shouldn't be doing this to him. It's not fair and it's not normal."

"This is Marti we're talking about." Derek said.

He had a point.

* * *

The rest of the journey passed quickly. We talked about neutral things, common places and the people we loved. We talked about how mom was struggling with the stairs and how perhaps before long they should be thinking about moving to a one-storey house. I couldn't help but exclaim that my mom was too young for this.

As we talked I realised that Derek cared a lot about my mom, despite everything. He had lost his own mom, Abby about seven years ago from a brain haemorrhage. And whilst he decried Nora's interference in our situation, he told me he had gone to her several times for advice. When I looked puzzled, he scratched his nose and sighed.

"Nora's advice is normally good. Even if it isn't what you want to hear. And over time I realised it wasn't what she said so much that she knew how to word it in a way that would guarantee you listening to her."

Silence again.

"Can we be friends please?" I asked suddenly. "I lost a friend as well as a boyfriend when I…"

"Dumped me?" But he was smiling. "Friends..." he pondered. I waited while he thought.

"I'll tell you what…" He said, and I noticed he had flicked the turning signal and was pulling off the highway into a rest stop. He pulled into a parking space and got out. My door was open in a second, Derek standing there.

"What?" I prompted.

"You drive, and I'll consider it." He waved the keys at me.

My jaw dropped.

"You want me to drive your car?"

He nodded.

"It's an Aston Martin, Derek."

"Really? I bought a Toyota…"

"How much is it worth?"

"The car?" He rubbed his chin and told me.

_Fucking hell!_

"What if I ding it?"

"I'm insured, and so are you…universal insurance." He leaned against the body work while I looked up at him. "Go on McDonald. Live a little…"

I gazed at him for several moments.

He wanted me to drive his babe-magnet?

I looked at the sleek, gun-metal grey car with its bucket leather seats that girls would drop their panties for. (That girls probably _had_ dropped their panties for…urgh! Please not where I was sitting!)

Then I looked up at my ex-boyfriend who was standing there waving a very expensive set of car keys at me, with a massive grin on his face. I looked into his deep brown eyes and I realised something.

This was Derek.

.

He was calling me out on this.

.

He thought I'd fold.

.

Like Hell I would!

I straightened, snatched the keys from his grasp and was round the other side of the car before he could blink. Yanking open the door, I slid into the driver's seat, closed the door again and strapped myself in. I removed the Random button on the CD settings and looked up at Derek through the car. He was still standing outside staring into the space where I had been standing.

"Are you coming or what?"

He slid carefully into the passenger seat and shut the door.

.

He didn't look very happy.

.

"Buckle Up!" I ordered as I started the engine, my feet feeling the purring through the pedals. I selected Track 1 on the Muse compilation CD _I_ had burnt for Derek fifteen years ago, and as I screeched backwards out of the parking space, the intro to Muse's 'Super-massive Black Holes' kicked in.

Derek, correctly restrained and clinging to the dashboard for dear life, didn't breathe again until I hit the highway – doing 80mph. It was a Saturday night and the roads weren't particularly full, I checked my mirrors for police cars and put my foot on the gas. I weaved in and out of the few cars I came across until I got to open road.

When I allowed myself to glance at Derek, he looked a bit green.

"Jesus Casey! Where'd you learn to drive like that?" He spat out eventually.

I grinned broadly.

"Ed. He bought us practice sessions on an Indy500 track every Christmas for the last four years."

* * *

**AN: **

**Firstly, Sorry about the constant Muse references. However, GET the lyrics to Resistance, below!….**

**The Resistance Lyrics**  
Is your secret safe tonight?  
And are we out of sight?  
Or will our world come tumbling down?

Will they find our hiding place?  
Is this our last embrace?  
Or will the walls start caving in?

(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
But it should've been right  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
Let our hearts ignite  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
Are we digging a hole?  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
This is outta control

(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
It could never last  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
Must erase it fast  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
But it could've been right  
(It could be wrong, could be...)

Love is our resitance  
They keep us apart and they won't stop breaking us down  
And hold me, our lips must always be sealed

If we live our life in fear  
I'll wait a thousand years  
Just to see you smile again

Quell your prayers for love and peace  
You'll wake the thought police  
We can hide the truth inside  
.com/the_resistance_lyrics_

(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
But it should've been right  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
Let our hearts ignite  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
Are we digging a hole?  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
This is outta control

(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
It could never last  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
Must erase it fast  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)  
But it could've been right  
(It could be wrong, could be...)

Love is our resistance!  
They keep us apart and won't stop breaking us down  
And hold me, our lips must always be sealed

The night has reached its end  
We can't pretend  
We must run  
We must run  
It's time to run

Take us away from here  
Protect us from further harm  
Resistance!

**Secondly: The Subtitle to Muse's 'Exogenesis Part Three' is 'Redemption'.**

**There aren't many lyrics, but…**

"Let's start over again  
Why can't we start it over again?

Just let us start it over again

And we'll be good  
This time we'll get it...  
We'll get it right

It's our last chance to forgive ourselves".

**Unbelievable album!**


	15. No Smoke

Derek did relax; but only after I promised to keep my speed down to 75mph and to put something quieter on the radio.

Then he kept looking at me, chuckling and shaking his head.

"What?" I asked after a while.

"I'm a bad influence."

"You always were, hun. I've even had to roll out the swear box again."

"Cool! What are you gonna buy with it this time?"

In the months before we dated, as things improved slightly between us and my language had been Derek-bad, I had had another swear box. I managed to save up enough money to pay for two tickets to see Muse in concert, and because by the time the date came around we were an item, I took Derek.

Hence the compilation CD.

I shrugged. "I could do with a new toaster."

"How very rock'n'roll!"

We grinned. The grins became gentle smiles, and when it got uncomfortable we both turned to the scenery.

* * *

Derek directed me once we got into New York City. It might be the city where I lived, but I didn't often drive around it, and certainly not the area of town we were heading to.

"Where will we park?"

"They'll have valet-parking." Derek said. "You just pull up at the VIP entrance and some one will get the car."

"How did you manage to persuade Louisa to get me on the list?"

He shrugged. "I didn't. I'm on the list anyway. I can take as many people as I like."  
I stared at him.

"It's no big deal, Casey. These places are desperate for the right people to be there. Currently, I'm the right sort of person. I won't always be…so I take advantage while I can."

I blew out a breath as we drew up outside.

"You still shouldn't be seen with me on your arm. I wasn't kidding about your rep."

Derek unbuckled himself and opened the car door.

"Seriously Case. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror today?"

And then he was out of the car and round to my door to open it, and I (still stunned at his comment) stepped from the car into a hail of light-bulb flashes and cries of 'Mr Venturi, Over here!' 'Smile, please!' 'And…one with your arm around her…"

That last request rang out like a bell across the melee. Derek waved to the cameras and handed the car keys to a valet. As we stepped towards the door, he put his hand on the small of my back to guide me in.

It burned on my skin.

* * *

I wasn't a total night club virgin. I had had friends at college who when they saw me lovelorn after Derek tried to deal with it by dragging me to every night club in the Kingston vicinity.

I hated every minute.

It wasn't that I didn't like the music. I loved it! And I loved dancing. I just hated the expectation that you would go home with a new guy on your arm and wake up the next morning not knowing whether to be relieved or regretful.

Besides, the first time I had ventured into a night club after Derek…I had seen him kissing someone else.

"You okay?" he murmured close to my ear as we passed along the corridor and into the nightclub.

"Memories." I merely said, and his arm tightened around me.

"I'm sorry."

That confused the hell out of me.

* * *

We had skipped the queue and gone straight upstairs to the VIP suite. We had our own bar, sofas, and a small dance floor. It appeared we were the only ones there despite the main dancefloor downstairs was heaving.

"What can I get you?" Our host said.

"Mineral water." Derek and I chorused. Derek looked at me.

"You can drink, you know. I won't be offended."

"No. I can't." I said, hoping he didn't ask me to explain how the taste of alcohol these days made me feel sick now that I knew about his problem.

Despite us pulling over and swapping drivers, we had beaten the others to the club. Guiltily I realised this was my fault.

"I guess you drove too fast." Derek said by my ear. I laughed.

"Never thought I would hear it _that_ way round." He went on.

Then I realised he still had hold of my waist.

I turned in his arms and we stared at each other.

"Friends?" I asked.

"At least." He replied and kissed my forehead.

"You kill me, Venturi." I whispered.

"Right back at ya, McDonald."

We grinned.

If this friendship was I all I got…I was happy.

And so, I got the feeling, was Derek.

* * *

"Der!" it was a loud squeak from the bottom of the steps leading up to our mezzanine level, and I heard his groan as he pulled away from me. Suddenly the whole Louisa thing worried me less than before. I knew Derek and I knew he wasn't interested in her.

"Beam me up Scotty." He whispered.

"There's Klingons on the starboard bow capt'n." I retorted.

"Shut up!" Derek said, but only because he couldn't keep a straight face.

I bit my lip.

"Or maybe she's a Ferengi…"

"Casey…" Derek said warningly, but his eyes sparkled even as he reprimanded me.

I was on a roll…

"I've got it. She's the Borg. 'Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated!'"

Derek walked me backwards to the wall.

"You. Pack it in."

"Or what?" I asked, teasingly.

"Or I'll tell everyone about the Lost Panties."

"You wouldn't!"

"Try Me." Our eyes locked. He'd do it too. He would tell them about the night I some how lost my underwear as he was walking me between his dorm and my own. (No I'm not telling. It's too embarrassing. What I will say was it was another _almost, but not quite._)

I nodded. Derek stepped back and turned to face his little leech.

"Louisa! How was the trip?"

"OOhh. Der! It was so cool! Benny had these running lights on the Hummer and when we came down Fifth everyone was staring. It was amazing." She peered at me.

"I see grandma made it."

"Louisa…" Derek warned her. She threw an arm around his neck and rubbed up against him.

"Come on babe, let's go check out the bathroom. I'm in the mood for a party."

"How much have you had to drink, Louisa?" Derek asked, suspicion crowding both our minds.

"A smidgen." She giggled, but her eyes were glazing over.

Derek looked over at Benny.

"A smidgen under a quart of vodka."  
"Jesus Benny!"

Benny shrugged. "Don't look at me, D. I was driving, I couldn't tell. She was in the back with Henrietta. I found the empty bottle."

Derek looked around. "Where _is_ Henrietta?"

"In a dark corner with Matthew. They met up at the door."

Derek groaned. "I feel fifteen again."

I knew the feeling.

I jerked my head at Louisa who had found a perch on a sofa and was making herself comfortable.

"I think she's probably settling in for the night."

"Please god!" Derek exclaimed, his tone pleading.

Benny sighed and looked at her.

"How do they get like that?"

"Boredom mainly." I answered.

"Did _you_ go through that phase, Casey?"

Derek laughed.

"No. Casey is as sober as they come."  
I ignored him and we followed Benny to a spare sofa. Louisa was now snoring away, the sound just audible over the sound coming from the DJ booth.

"I got really drunk once." I told him. "Very drunk. I came within a hair's breadth of being hospitalised."

"Why?"

"Alcohol poisoning."

"No. I meant why drink so much?"

Now I regretted telling him, because Derek was looking at me and I didn't want to elaborate in front of him.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." My voice was quiet and I avoided Derek's eyes. "It was only the once."

"When?" Derek asked, suddenly forcefully. I didn't answer.

And he knew.

It was just after I dumped him.

Benwick sensing the tension, and, I was fairly sure, understanding what it was about nudged Derek.

"What do you want to do about Louisa?"

Derek shrugged. "Let her sleep it off, but keep an eye on her. Where did she get the quart of vodka from anyway?"

"Henrietta says it was in her bag."

Derek blew out a breath.

"I'm too old for this."

I chuckled and he looked at me, but the humour of his statement seemed to get to him too and he smiled at me. After a few moments, he stood up.

"I'm going to look for Henrietta. Maybe we should take Louisa home."

I nodded. "I'll watch her."

Benny was quiet as Derek walked away but as soon as he had gone Derek's friend pounced.

"He talks about you a lot."

"That's funny, because Marti and Ed say that he doesn't."

Derek's best friend chuckled. "They're family, and biased. He knows he can spout crap at me and I'll listen. He listened a lot to me when I got injured."

He motioned to his left leg and I remembered the limp.

"I got in a block in a training session and my leg broke badly. They pinned it, but it didn't heal properly and my career was over. Derek was there for me all the way through. He told me about his drinking problem and all the stuff that went on in college. And he told me about you. It hit him hard when you dumped him."  
"I didn't do it lightly." I protested.

"I didn't say you did. But, Casey be careful. I know Derek and it's easy to assume that he has everything under control. He is very good at covering up."

"I know. I lived with him, remember?"

Benny chuckled. "Oh yeah. I heard all about that. Did you seriously put the principal's furniture on the school roof?"

I grinned. Benny smacked me on the back. "Way to go, Casey!"

My face became serious again. "Do you think Derek will forgive me?"

"Perhaps. Just be careful with the friend thing that you both understand what it is. There are many categories of friends and I would hate for one of you two to get hurt because they think you are closer than you actually are."

I bit my lip.

"You mean one of us thinking the friendship is something more when it isn't?"

Benwick nodded and looked beyond me, and I realised Derek was coming up the stairs with Henrietta.

He was warning me that Derek only wanted friendship. And whilst I told myself that was all I had been expecting, I couldn't ignore the fact I wanted more.

* * *

Henrietta bent over to look at her sister.

"Louie?"

"Ugh."

"She's still breathing, she just needs to sleep it off." The older girl said standing up again.

Derek adopted his 'pissed elder brother' stance. God how many times had I seen that?

"Why did you let her drink it?" He asked.

"Relax it was watered down. She only puts about a third vodka and two thirds water."

His look was incredulous.

"Does she look like someone who has only had a third of a quart to you?"

"Maybe she didn't water it down so much tonight and she forgot."

I stepped between Derek and Henrietta before he did something stupid.

"Or maybe she didn't water it down at all this time." I said.

Henrietta shrugged. "Then she is an idiot."

No shit…and so are you.

"I'm taking you home." Derek announced to them. "I'm not being responsible for the pair of you behaving like fifteen year olds."

Benny shook his head. "You can't fit both of them in your car. I'll take them back in the Hummer. She can stretch out and sleep then."

Derek opened his mouth to answer and that's when we heard it.

"FIRE!"

What few lights there were went out and then the screaming started.


	16. The Hatchet

I've screamed in my life – mainly at Derek when he threw water at me, changed my shampoo for honey or sprained my ankle - and I've had moments where I have been truly scared.

The weird thing was this wasn't one of them. When the lights went out shortly after that panicked cry all I did was stand still and wait.

Unfortunately, Henrietta didn't. She screamed, hard, loud and right in my ear.

"Someone shut her up." I heard Derek's voice say in the dark. "Casey are you okay?"

"Fine."

"Benny?" Derek asked next.

"What? I'm a girl now?" Benwick sounded offended at Derek's concern.  
"Asshole." Derek was amused. "Let's get out of here. Matthew, can you take Edvard Munch? Benny, I guess I had better take Louisa, because you'll never manage the stairs with her and your leg. Will you take Casey?"

"I'm fine Derek." I objected.

"Yeah and you'll be even better with Benny." He replied in a tone that brooked no dissent. "Matthew, Benny, you go first and I'll bring up the rear with Louisa. Try and clear me a path. Hold hands if you can so that we don't get separated. I can't smell smoke yet, so the biggest danger is people panicking."

Someone, I guessed Benny, stepped close to me and fumbled for my hand. I took theirs and we edged our way in the direction of the stairs. Fortunately before we got there, emergency floor lighting kicked in and the first step became illuminated. It was still dicey though and I had no idea whether Derek was following.

"Derek?" I called.

"I'm here. Just keep going." His voice sounded laboured as though he was carrying something heavy. He was - Louisa.

Nightclubs are dark places with no windows to shed light from outside. I thought back to the journey from the car and decided that it wasn't far until we got out of the confines of the building; inching along though would be painfully slow. Benny led me down the steps and at the bottom tightened his grip on my hand.

Several hundred people were fighting to get out.

We paused.

"This is stupid." Benny announced. "Why are they all panicking so much?" Then as if in answer to his question, a draught brought the smell of burning into the air. Even above the noise of the club-goers I heard Derek swear.

"Shit!" he said in awe. He was higher up than us and had a better "view" in the darkness.

"What?" Benny replied.

"I can see the flames." His voice changed. "Benny just go! Get her out of here! Now! Please!"

"What about you?"

"I'm right behind you."

So Benny pulled me forward into the milling crowd.

Almost immediately, he lost his grip on my hand.

* * *

I was being elbowed and pushed and shoved. People were above me, people were below me, the pressure of the crowd against me knocked the air from my lungs and I found myself gasping for breath. And gasping wasn't a good idea because now all the air around me was tainted with that acrid taste and smell. The smoke was running faster than the crowd, like fog rolling over the ocean. In the confusion, I lost my sense of direction, not knowing whether I was moving away from the fire or towards it. I decided to just let the crowd carry me and stopped fighting.

I wasn't panicking; or at least, not about my own situation. I was worrying about Derek. If a fit and healthy woman had got knocked about so badly, how would a man carrying a dead weight fair?

The endless push and pull of the Massive battered and bruised me. My hair was pulled and I felt fingernails digging into me. I couldn't remember the last time I had taken a breath and my lungs felt like they would burst.

.

And then, I saw light.

Not bright light, but overwhelming enough for my smoke-logged eyes. I was confused. Was it the fire or the outside?

And then I smelled clean air, and I too pushed my way forward.

* * *

The sidewalk was full of people milling about, crying, screaming and searching for friends and lovers. If the crush inside had been a raging torrent like a river in flood, the sidewalk outside was the ocean it poured into.

I must have been inside for quite a while, because there were fire trucks pulling up. I had started to behave like everyone else, wandering looking for the people I had come with; looking for Derek.

.

Derek.

.

Derek.

After what seemed like an eternity but was probably closer to fifteen minutes, I was still no closer to finding him. My instinct wanted to carry me back into the building, but the fire crew had quickly cordoned off the doorway, and after a while, my common sense returned.

And when it did I realised I was never going to find him in the crowd.

I had my bag slung across my body. It was a miracle it was still there and I thanked everything under the sun that I had that bag and not last night's clutch. Inside, I knew was my cell, but there was no point in calling him. The noise level here was too great. No one would hear the ring, and Derek might have dropped his phone in his haste to get Louisa out.

I needed to concentrate on the hope that he had made it out.

So instead of milling, I walked calmly over to what appeared to be the co-ordination centre, and up to a guy with a clipboard. I waited calmly while the guy dealt with a hoard of scared people, and then eventually he looked at me.

"Were you in there?"

I nodded.

"What's your name?"

"Casey McDonald." I also gave my address.

"Were you with anyone?"

"Yes. My…brother, and four friends." I gave everyone's details.

He nodded.

"There's a warehouse across the street where there will be someone giving out a drink and you can shelter. We're sending everyone there, so when your friends check in they'll get sent there too."

"Okay."

"You're calm." He commented.

"It won't last."

It didn't. After half an hour I found myself back out on the sidewalk, searching.

* * *

The good news was the ocean was now more like a lake; calm, pooling, but still immense.

The large building which had held the night club was well ablaze, and the scene was lit like daylight. People were silhouetted against the scene, their arms around each other watching as the building disintegrated. It was mesmerising. You could do nothing but stare.

I overheard the clipboard guy say there were four fatalities and numerous injuries. Did that make me lucky? Until I found Derek, I couldn't answer that. It wasn't that I didn't care about the others in our party, it was just that…

I couldn't find the words.

"I can forgive you dumping me, and a fifteen year blood feud is nothing. But if you ever put me through another hour like that again, Casey McDonald, I will NEVER forgive you."

The words came from behind me, but they settled close to my heart.

* * *

"Where's Louisa?" I asked, as he loosened the hug and finally let me breathe.

"I'd imagine by now she's at the hospital. Benwick went with her, and Henrietta and Matthew followed in a cab."

"Was she okay?"

He rubbed at the soot on my face. "When I pulled her off my shoulders she was unconscious. They aren't sure if it was the smoke or the alcohol."

"You're still here? Why aren't you at the hospital?"

"Oh come on, Case. Like Dad and Nora would forgive me if I abandoned you."

Reality hit. Of course. Filial duty.

But in the meantime he was holding me and whatever his inducement for doing so, I couldn't let go.

"Have you been checked out?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Derek."

"Like fuck you are, you're covered in soot." So was Derek but not as much.

"I must have been pushed closer to the fire than you." That would explain why it took me longer to get out. It would only have been minutes, but with the crowding outside it had separated us completely.  
"Come on. I'll get my car and take you to the hospital." And then he was propelling me along towards the parking lot, dragging his keys from his pocket.

He settled me in the passenger seat and moved round to the driver's door. Getting in he paused and stared at me.

"Where were you?"

"I think I was inside for a while, and then when I came out I realised that I wouldn't find you easily so I just reported to the co-ordinator and tried to wait in the warehouse. But I couldn't last, I had to come looking for you…all."

Derek was quiet. "Let's go." He said finally.

.

At the hospital, I got a clean bill of health from the doctors and told to go home and rest, but I had more important things to do. I needed to know how Louisa was, and so did Derek. Dismissed by the emergency room staff, we made our way up to the place where they had taken Louisa.

Derek was holding my hand.

In the elevator, he pulled me close and pressed a kiss in my hair.

"Ew! You stink."

"So do you."

"Hmm. He muttered as thought that hadn't occurred to him, and I laughed wearily.

"Has anyone called Archie?" I said when the amusement passed.

Derek nodded. "Yeah, Benwick, as soon as we saw Louisa was going to need the hospital. He and Elisabeth are on their way." The doors to the elevator opened and we emerged into a brightly lit hallway and almost immediately I spotted our friends.

Benwick was the first on his feet.

"Casey! Oh thank fuck! I'm _so_ sorry I let go of you!"

I smiled. "It's fine. Don't worry about it. There was no way you could have held onto me in that crowd. I'm just glad everyone made it out okay. How's Louisa?"

"She's breathing again and is stable so they brought her up here. They are fairly sure it was the alcohol rather than the smoke, so they are treating her for alcohol poisoning."

I looked beyond him at the other two figures sitting on the plastic chairs. Henrietta was sobbing into Matthew's shoulder while he rubbed her back. It occurred to be that in all the confusion of this evening, I hadn't met Henrietta's fiancé. He was good-looking. From what I saw he also looked devoted to her. I was glad. Henrietta had been polite to me and the only evidence I had of any failing in common sense was over her blind faith in her own sister's common sense. She looked up at me.

"Oh Casey! I'm so glad you're okay. What happened to you?"

"Swept along in the heat of the moment." I said, and for some reason, we all smiled.

"How's Louisa?" I asked her, pulling away from Derek's grip and moving to sit next to the younger girl, as Benwick resumed his former seat.

"Lucky to be alive. If you guys hadn't been here…if it had just been the two of us..." her voice trailed away.

"But it wasn't, Hen." Matthew said. "She did something silly, and she was lucky. We just need to concentrate on that not the whatifs."

"Matthew's right." I said. "Let's just hope that Louisa is okay and be glad we all came out of there."

Derek had followed me over to the chairs and taken the seat next to me. When he put an arm around my shoulder and rubbed it, I leaned against him, suddenly exhausted and he pulled me closer.

"We should ring home. Those photos might make it onto the news." He said murmuring in my ear. I nodded.

"Will you do it? I'll cry and mom will be more upset."

"Sure. I'll be back in a minute." He let go of me and stood up.

In a quiet corner, he took out his cell and made the call.

From what I could hear, this far away, George was groggy so had probably been asleep. Derek apologised for waking him and explained what had happened and that the news would be full of it in the morning.

"Are they okay?" I asked, when he returned.

"Yeah. A bit surprised that you and I were at a nightclub together, but otherwise fine."

He grinned at me. "Tomorrow might be an interesting chat with Nora."

"Didn't you tell her about the autobiography?"

He shook his head. "Didn't you?"

"No. Oh fuck!"

He laughed. "They have to be told we've buried the hatchet at some point."

"Yeah but mom and George would have assumed it was in each other's skulls."

It took Archie and Elisabeth a further hour to get to the hospital. We waited for them, but tiredness was pulling at me. Derek noticed, removed his coat and made a pillow on his lap for me. Gratefully, I twisted myself on the uncomfortable, plastic seats and laid my head on his coat.

I felt his fingers rest on my shoulder and then tiredness overcame fear and I went to sleep.

* * *

**An: Dear All... I'm on a jolly for the next couple of days, so chapters probably won't happen until Saturday. Good job I got this chapter written first, eh?**


	17. The Pact

**AN: Okay. One more before I go!**

* * *

The mirror and the stark bathroom light were not forgiving. Derek hadn't been exaggerating when he said that I was covered in soot. It was difficult to tell the colour of my dress now, and the blackening on my face was streaked where tears had fallen. I was a complete and utter mess.

The trouble was the bathroom was spotless, until I got there at least. All the tiled surfaces were white and I knew if I touched anything I would leave a grimy mark that Derek's cleaner would curse me for. Fortunately, all the towels were charcoal grey, however.

I took a deep breath and started to remove my clothes.

I was standing in the bathroom in Derek's apartment. It was a huge loft space and this was one of the few closed in areas. Even the "bedroom" was not a room, but a raised platform to one side with a big bed. There was a very large fridge in the kitchen and an enormous TV on the far wall.

Sex, food and hockey…So typically Derek!

As soon as I was naked, I climbed into the shower and switched it on. As the warm water hit my shoulders I looked down and saw the dirty water running from me creating little rivers to the plug. Urgh!

I waited until the water started to run clear and then reached for the soap and shampoo, sniffing it first, as I used to when I was a teenager – it was only sensible when you were around Derek.

Twenty minutes later, and muttering a silent "sorry" to absent Lizzie for the length of the shower, I switched off the water and stepped out. I felt immediately vulnerable, cold, wet and naked in my ex-boyfriend's home. Grabbing a bath sheet from the heated rail and I wrapped it gratefully around my shoulders before starting to dry myself.

There was a small pile of clothes waiting for me, including an old T-shirt of Derek's and a pair of his jersey boxers which he had told me he hardly ever wore because they were on the small side.

"But then, of course," He had said with that smirk, (and a grin at Benwick who was standing nearby) "it's so hard to get any underwear _big_ enough."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Derek. Don't waste your breath spouting that crap. I've seen it, remember? Last time I looked, Wal-mart does junior sizes."

Benwick liked that.

The mock-flirting Derek directed at me was irritating because I knew he was only doing it when Benwick was there, making it safe to joke about sex with his ex-girlfriend because I wouldn't take him seriously.

Remembering that conversation, which had taken place half an hour ago, I still smiled as I dressed. We were friends again. It wasn't everything, but it was enough, for now.

Dressed, I brushed my hair out, grabbed my dirty clothes and left the bathroom. Derek, still soot-covered was perched on a dining chair, not wanting to get his white sofa dirty. When he saw me, he nodded toward Benwick who made his way into the bathroom.

"Better?" Derek asked staying well away from me with his dirty hands.

"Much. Can I wash these?" I held up the bundle of my dirty clothes.

He nodded and took me over to the washing machine which was hidden inside a walk-in cupboard.

"It might take a couple of goes. We'll stick everyone's clothes in together. Are you hungry? I've ordered pizza." It was nearly 1am and we had eaten at 7pm, so I was feeling a little hungry. I nodded. There must have been something off about my expression, because he tilted his head and looked at me curiously.

"Still worrying about Louisa?" he asked. I nodded.

"Archie was right, Casey, she doesn't deserve your concern, she was far too nasty for you to bother over her."

When Archie and Elisabeth had arrived at the hospital, they had immediately apologised for Louisa's behaviour – and expressed their gratitude for Derek's actions. Then Elisabeth had broken down, and I could see Archie was not far behind. They were good parents, it's a shame their daughter wasn't more like them. On reflection, I decided she was a lot like her grandfather.

"It's not her I'm worried about. It's Archie and Elisabeth. I just wished they had let me stay at the hospital."  
"They were worried about you. You need to rest. If you had stayed they wouldn't have been able to concentrate on their daughter. It was the right thing to leave."

I changed the subject. "I could have gone home, you know. I only live three blocks from here."

Derek laughed. "Now where's the fun in that? This way you get to dress in my clothes and sleep in my bed."

I stared at him.

"Don't worry, I'm sleeping on the floor. Benwick can have the couch."

I was quiet for a moment. "You don't have to Derek, I can sleep on the floor."

"Benwick wouldn't give me any peace if I did that. He has this mistaken belief that I'm a gentleman."

I chuckled. "Okay. Then we'll share the bed."

It was Derek's turn to stare at me.

"Don't stare at me. Why shouldn't we share? We're brother and sister." I moved back into the living area and away from him.

He chuckled as he followed me.

"Really?" Derek said and he made me jump because he was closer than I had expected. "Because if what you and I had together is your idea of sibling love we have a very serious problem."  
I turned round and found myself in his face.

"We used to be lovers, Casey, remember? That means we can never be siblings."

"_Used to be_, Derek. What we have now is friendship. There is no reason why we can't sleep next to each other completely innocently." I narrowed my eyes. "Why don't you want to?"

Benwick came out of the bathroom then and Derek went to take his turn. He paused at the bathroom door.

"Who said I didn't want to? I was just commenting on your sibling statement." He smirked.

* * *

I liked Benny a lot. And I could tell why he and Derek were friends. There was the loyalty he had with Sam, and the complete eccentricity of Ralph, coupled with some of the other characteristics I had seen in his college friends. He was like every friend Derek had ever had rolled into one.

I learnt a lot about Benny that night; slightly more than I wanted to when Derek started reminiscing about their time on the squad together. The scrapes Benny had got into rivalled Derek for originality. And the girls…

I really didn't want to hear about the girls, but Derek was determined to tell me all the most embarrassing stories about Benny. I sighed and waited for the moment when Benny would retaliate by telling me about the scrapes and girls that Derek had been through since our relationship ended.

But it never came. Benny told story after story about Derek pranks, but he never mentioned the girls.

And I wondered why.

When Derek was using the bathroom, I asked Benny.

He laughed. "I'd love to fill you in on the scandal, but seriously, there wasn't any. There were only a couple of girls and they were nice. He was faithful to them. He always finished with one relationship before starting on another. None of them lasted more than a couple of months and to be honest compared with the rest of the squad he was squeaky clean."

"You don't have to lie to me, Benny. I know Derek."

"I'm not lying."

I believed him.

Eventually, time and the events of earlier in the evening caught up with us. Benny said he wanted to go back to the hospital in the morning, so at 3am we went to bed. Benny took the sofa, and he gave me a strange look when Derek followed me to his own bed. But Benny said nothing.

* * *

It was dark. We had been in bed about ten minutes, and I could hear Benny's rhythmic breathing from the other side of the room - but not Derek's who was lying beside me. He must be awake. I shuffled experimentally and he moved closer. His lips found my ear.

"Nervous, Casey?"

"Of what?" I whispered back.

"Me."

"You have an over-inflated ego. Why would I be nervous of you?"

"You have a short memory." He chuckled.

"No. I don't."

"So you remember our relationship then?"  
"Of course. And the biggest bit I remember is your ego."

He laughed quietly.

We lapsed into silence.

"What do you think Marti would think of our current position?" I asked, turning towards Derek. He reached around me with his arm and I moved closer to him.

"You wanna phone her and find out." He sounded amused. In the darkness, his voice hadn't aged and I was transported back fifteen years, lying in his arms in bed.

"Sure. I'll ring her and say, 'guess who I went to bed with last night'."

Derek snickered. "I bet you twenty she mentions me."

"Never. She might think it but she'd never say it."

"Marti's never been one for hanging back."

"That must run in the family. No restraint."

"I can do restraint." He protested.

"I'm not talking about handcuffs, Derek."

"Not even pink fluffy ones?"

"Der-ek!"

"Thank you I've been waiting all day for that."

We lay there for a while, Derek stroking my back and hair.

"It's getting late." I said. "We should go to sleep."

"_You_ go to sleep."

"I don't want to."  
"Me neither."

We laughed softly and Derek's arms tightened around me.

"So," He began in a formal voice. "No more fifteen year silences, agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Friendship." He sounded slightly unimpressed.

"Friendship's good Derek." I protested. "We can do friendship. Friendship between us won't upset anyone. There won't be any dramatic breakups or not talking to each other for fifteen years. We can see as much of each other as we like."

"I guess." He paused. "It would be nice to have someone who can do all that underwear-buying crap for my girlfriend at Christmas."

"Are you serious?" _This was the first I'd heard of a girlfriend and he wanted me to buy her underwear!_

"You think it might be a bit much if you choose her underwear?" He asked.

"Duh, yes!"

He thought about that for a moment.

"What about the plastic nurse's outfit I was planning for her birthday? You're about the same size you could try it on…"

"EW!"

He laughed.

"You are still as easy to mess with."

"Der-ek!" I said smacking him. Derek rolled over, on to me and pinning my hands safely to my sides.

"Shh! You'll wake Benny." He said quietly.

"I can't believe you even suggested that it's…it's…"

"Casey. There's no girlfriend." He said it in a very serious tone.

I lay there, in a position which frankly the last time I was in with Derek had led to the loss of clothes, loss of sleep, and the loss of my virginity.

We stayed like that for several minutes saying nothing. Then Derek buried his face in my neck.

"The attraction's still there, Casey." He groaned.

"I noticed." I said wryly, referring to the sensation of something hard against my hip bone. Derek let go of my arms and I moved my hands, one to the small of his back and the other to his face.

"I want you in my life, Derek. But I'm not risking losing you again. All I want is friendship because if we tried anything else it would eventually end. I can't do those fifteen years all over again."

"I know. I feel the same. Doesn't stop the fact it would be so easy to make love to you right now."

"The biggest mistakes are the ones most easily made."

"God. I've missed you!"

"I missed you too."

"I missed you more."

"Are we seriously going to argue about that?"

"Why not? It's what we're good at!"

He rolled off me, pulled me close and we talked ourselves to sleep.


	18. Her Anxiety

Her Anxiety - **William Butler Yeats**

Earth in beauty dressed

Awaits returning spring.

All true love must die,

Alter at the best

Into some lesser thing.

_Prove that I lie._

Such body lovers have,

Such exacting breath,

That they touch or sigh.

Every touch they give,

Love is nearer death.

_Prove that I lie._

It was the usual scramble to get off the plane and I, like everyone else, stood up too soon, and then hung on the back of the seat resting on one leg until there was enough room for me to stand up straight in the aisle.

I was eager to get off, and eager to see Marti, who should be waiting for me in the Arrivals hall. She had volunteered to come and fetch me from the airport and then drive me to Mom and George's house. I still called the place "home".

There was no real point to my visit back to London, other than I found myself needing to take a couple of days off before I lost them at the end of the financial year, and for the past two weeks, my life was far too quiet in New York. Derek was in England.

The passengers started moving down the plane so I grabbed my carry on and followed them, stretching my legs gratefully. I had just got going along the aisle when my Blackberry buzzed in my pocket.

**Derek Mob.**

"You landed yet?" He demanded.

"No. We're in the air and the little red light is on." I said sarcastically.

"Ha ha. Why haven't you called?" He queried as I stepped out of the door of the plane and started down the steps. The engines were still running so I wound up shouting.

"Because I'm still getting off the plane, moron. Can't you hear the _bleeping_ engines?"

He chuckled in my ear. "Nice save, Casey. One less buck in your swear box."

"Hang on, I can hardly hear you. Can I call you back later?"

"Sure. Just don't forget the time difference and phone me in the middle of my beauty sleep."

"God forbid! You need all the help you can get."

"Now now, princess. Be nice. This is your best friend you're insulting."

"Like that makes any difference to you. You insult me all the time."

I was in the airport building now and things grew quieter.

"I can hear you now." I said. I didn't want to hang up.

"How was the flight?" Derek asked. I smiled, knowing he too was prolonging the call.

"Standard. Screaming baby in front of me, arguing couple behind me."  
"You should travel with me, then we could be the arguing couple; make our own entertainment."  
"We'd never be allowed to fly again."

"So did you see any candidates for the mile high club?"

"You lost me."

"I always look out for people sneaking off to the bathroom for a quickie. I saw two flight attendants do it once." He snickered. "Are you rolling your eyes yet?"

"Always with you, Derek, always." I paused. "No bathroom antics on my flight."

"How boring…you should fly with me then we could…"

"Leave it _right_ there Venturi!"

He laughed.

I slowed my walking down. "D. I'll be meeting Marti in a sec. I'd better ring off."

"Are you going to talk to her?"

"Yes. She needs to understand."

It was four months since the fire and the book was finished. Early indications from test readers before its launch were that it was going to do well. Derek and I were no longer required to meet to discuss the book so that should have ended our association.

But Derek and I had managed the impossible.

We were friends!

And not in some lame, half-assed, way either. He was, without question, my _best_ friend. We spent a lot of time together. Any week that he was in New York, it was a fair bet he would see me almost every day, and considering that he was a hockey player in Canada, he spent a lot of time in New York. (He told me it was to do with his game commentaries and his charity work. I wasn't hugely sure that I believed him.)

We didn't tell the family that we were still in touch, even though eventually we had told Mom and George about the autobiography. We had agreed that the family would not understand and would read things into our friendship; because that's all it was, a friendship. Derek was even dating again, and I was fine with that.

Really.

Honestly.

…Sort of.

Fortunately, he didn't often say much about _her_, and he had managed to keep her out of the papers so I wasn't faced with pictures of the two of them every time I opened a magazine. The irony was for a while _I_ had been in the papers, pictured beside Derek. That had taken a bit of explaining to the family, but as we were still working on the book at the time, we had managed it. Now, Derek was careful not to come near me if there were paparazzi following him.

It was ridiculous though. We were friends why shouldn't we be seen together?

* * *

Derek dismissed with a laugh and a promise to phone him later, I emerged into Arrivals and was immediately assaulted by Marti. We giggled and laughed as we hugged and she took my bag and led me out of the terminal to her car.

"You're in the papers again." She said after we had got past the normal pleasantries and were on the road. I froze, wondering what she would say about me and Derek. What questions would she ask?

"Oh?" I sounded surprised because I was surprised. I wasn't aware of being followed.

"Yeah. You and Edwin."

I relaxed.

"Oh the gallery opening!" I said with a smile. "Yeah. His date bailed so I went instead.

"It was a nice dress … and that _necklace_!" she said with glee. "Wow! Who bought you that?"

Now that was a question I couldn't respond to, because the answer was Derek.

He had taken me shopping to choose a gift for his girlfriend and we had gone into Tiffany's. We had an appointment to be shown some expensive stuff and Derek had made a big show of choosing. He took so long over it that my attention wandered over to a simple necklace in the selection laid out for us. The jeweller asked if I liked it and when I answered that I liked it very much, Derek had bought it for me. We argued because it was very expensive and considerably more than the earrings which he eventually purchased for his girlfriend. (They were beautiful too. He had good taste in jewellery). Derek just shrugged over my objections and said that he owed me fifteen years worth of birthday and Christmas presents and I should just "suck it up and accept the damn thing."

So I did. I loved it.

"A friend." I answered Marti eventually.

"A male friend?" Marti prompted. "Come on. Tell all."

"There's nothing to tell, Marti."

"Really? You're blushing like a virgin in a sex shop."

I turned my nose up at the phrase. "Your brother was a terrible influence on you when you were growing up."

Marti laughed. "Actually, that expression I got from dad, not Derek."

We grinned together.

"So come on. Who is he?"

"Just a friend, so drop it Marti."

"Ok, ok." She turned onto the highway. "I'll just ask Ed, anyway."

I rolled my eyes and then watched the scenery so that she couldn't see my expression.

Edwin wouldn't know. Somehow, I had managed to keep it from Ed that I was spending a lot of time with Derek. I said yes to every invitation from Edwin, much to Derek's displeasure because it meant I sometimes had to cancel _our_ plans, so Ed believed I was still leading my quiet existence.

"Edwin doesn't know."

"He'll find out though."

"Marti, isn't it time you got pregnant again or something. You need distracting."

"You sound like Derek. He says the same thing when I question him about _his_ sex life."

I bit my lip. I didn't want to think about Derek's sex life.

Every time we stayed over at each other's apartments, (which again was quite often), we slept in the same bed. For me the temptation to reach for him was so great sometimes the only thing which held me back was the knowledge that he was seeing someone else. It was especially hard to behave myself when he inevitably slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his arms.

It was stretching the "best friends" idea to the limit sleeping in the same bed, but we did behave. It had been fifteen years since he had kissed me on the lips, or touched me in any way that could be even slightly construed as sexual.

Even if I always fell asleep with my head on his shoulder and his lips in my hair.

* * *

Marti and I did talk directly about Derek, eventually.

"Derek called yesterday." She said, as we approached the house.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He rang to see what we wanted him to get Polly for Christmas. I think he's planning on coming home this year."

There was a pause as she waited to see how I responded to that.

I nodded. "He said as much."

If she was surprised, she didn't show it.

"Will you come home?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Does Derek know?"

"Yes. We talked about it."

Marti smiled. "Thank you."

I took a deep breath as she stopped the car. "Smarti. Derek and I have stopped feuding and we are friends, but don't expect anything else, okay?"

My youngest sister, who sometimes behaved as though she was the eldest of the lot, smiled.

"Time Casey. I'm a great believer in time. And this…the coming home for Christmas…it's a step in the right direction." She got out of the car and we were swallowed up in family greetings before I could reply.

* * *

Mom and George were pleased to see me again, as usual. After Marti and her family had gone home, I was left with the two of them, Robbie in his room, in typical teenage Derek fashion.

"You look good, Casey." George said, handing me an unasked for glass of white wine. I took it, and I sipped it, but I didn't enjoy it.

"Thanks. I feel good at the moment. I think the fire was a wake-up call that my life is actually pretty amazing."  
"That was frightening. When Derek rang and told us that you'd both been in there and then we saw the pictures of the blaze on the television…"

"We went to the memorial service." I said. There had been six victims eventually, as a further two people had died in hospital. Louisa had made a full recovery, and judging by the conciliatory letter she sent me a month later, her personality had undergone a recovery too. Derek told me that Benny had stayed in touch with her, and he suspected something was growing between them.

The conversation changed to Derek's autobiography and I explained that the launch was due in two weeks because of the release for the Christmas market.

"I'm glad you two are talking again." Mom said, and then suddenly she was in tears. "Oh Casey! I'm so sorry for what I did all those years ago. I made you both so unhappy!"

I reached for a tissue and sat beside her.

"Mom. You gave advice. It was me that acted on it. I know that. Derek knows that."

"You've talked about it?" George asked. I nodded.

"We had to. Derek mentions it in his autobiography, not why I broke it off, but the fact that I did."  
George looked amused. "No wonder it too so long to write if he mentions all his girlfriends."

I shook my head. "He doesn't. The only relationship he mentions is ours. And even then he leaves my name out of it." I paused. "You probably shouldn't read that chapter."

Mom looked up. "Why not?"

"He's honest."

Both their eyes were on me now.

"We were lovers." I admitted.

"Oh." Mom said.

"Derek was my first serious boyfriend. We slept together for the first time the night before we came home."

Mom was crying silent tears again. "And then I opened my stupid mouth and you broke it off. Oh Casey! I'm surprised either of you are even talking to me."  
"It's the past. We're friends now and neither of us blames you. We were young and you were right to caution us." I took her hand. "Don't cry over it."

"Did you love him?" She asked. "I know you said so at the time, but, now, knowing what you know as an older adult…did you?"  
I closed my eyes against the question.

"Yes…"

When I opened my eyes my mother was staring back and I knew she was completing my unspoken sentence in her own mind. _…I still do._

* * *

**AN: I would like to thank the London Underground for providing the poem above. (I spotted it on my way to my hotel yesterday). Proof, I suppose that posting poetry on the walls of tube trains has some literary worth!**

**Yeats' "muse" for want of a better word was a woman who he knew for decades, he proposed to her several times, and she never accepted. It was many many years before they consummated their relationship and she was married to someone else at the time. They only slept together the once before she broke it off. They never made it as a couple.**

**All of that I only discovered after researching the poem today. I guess that's one way this story could go…**

…**fortunately, you all know me too well! **


	19. Prove That I Lie

My doorbell is the spawn of Satan. I need a new one. It grates on my nerves and sometimes, if it takes a long time to get to the door, I am ready to throttle the person on the other side.

Tonight, dressed in my pyjamas and dragged from a great novel that I had been heavily into, I was not impressed when someone decided to lean on the bell. I stomped into the hallway and peeked through the spyhole.

Something glass-eyed and fluffy stared back at me.

I opened the door.

"You couldn't tell who it was. Why the hell did you unlock the door?" He complained.

"Because, Derek, nobody else turns up at my apartment at 9pm with a freaking teddy bear." I replied stepping back and letting Derek, the teddy bear and his luggage into my hallway.

(That was Derek's luggage, not the teddy bear's).

"What is that thing?" I asked, motioning to the large stuffed creature in his arms. It was wearing a British police helmet and a little police blazer.

(The teddy bear this time, not Derek).

"You asked me to bring you something quintessentially British back from my trip. Meet Wills."

"Wills?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Named after Prince William. He's a copper."

"Copper?"

"Yeah. You know. A British policeman."

"I know what a copper is." I rubbed at my face. "Derek. Why are you here?"

"I'm back!" He grinned.

"Yes. I know you are. What are you doing here?"  
"I came to give you Wills. He couldn't wait to meet you."  
I sighed. "Straight from the airport?"

"Of course. Why?"

"Were you followed?"

"Probably."  
"Der-ek!"  
He led the way into my living room. I followed.

"That's going to look great, isn't it? You arrive back in the country for the first time in three weeks and the first place you go, without even dropping off your bags, is my apartment. What is your girlfriend going to say about you not going to see her but, coming to see me instead? Does she know?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"She's not overly impressed."

"Exactly."

"Casey. I'm a big boy now. Let me decide. Or do you not want me here?"

He asked the last question carefully and watched my face for the answer.

"That's a stupid question." I whispered. "I always want you here. You know that." Derek smiled. "Then where is my hug from my best friend?"

We hugged.

It was restrained and chaste; on the surface. When we pulled apart, Derek was holding my hand.

"England is a very long way from here." He said softly.

"I know."

"Three weeks is a long time."

"I know that too."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

And for a moment, the look we exchanged was far from chaste and restrained.

But we slipped back into "friends" mode, dropped our hands and Derek disappeared into the kitchen to make himself a coffee. I leaned against the work surface.

"How long are you staying?"

"Depends."

"On what?"  
"How long it takes you to get sick of me."

"I was sick of you the moment I met you. How come you're still here?"  
"We fell in love, remember?"  
There was no dramatic look at each other. He simply stirred the coffee and led the way back into the living room.

"What's on TV?" he asked.

I gave up and sat down next to him.

"Not a lot. Find something we can critique."

He grinned at me, and then nodded towards his bags.

"Main suitcase."

"What about it?"  
"Your real present."

"Let me guess…your dirty washing. Ah! Now I understand why you came straight here. You need your boxers starching!"

"There's a joke there, but I've been travelling too long to make it." He said rubbing his eyes. "Go look."

I made my way over to the suitcase and unzipped it.

"Flick through the washing, it's a bit far down."

I did as directed and, sure enough, there was a parcel.

"Open it."

I brought the parcel back to the sofa and sat down. Using my fingers to pull loose the tape, I undid the wrapping to find a book.

It was beautifully bound and the main cover said, "The Canterbury Tales."

You might be forgiven for not being impressed by this gift, but I was. I had studied English Literature as one of my majors at university, and my thesis was on Geoffrey Chaucer. Derek shouldn't know that. We had long since split up by that time.

"My thesis was on Chaucer."

"I know."

"How?"

"You think just because we weren't together anymore that I stopped caring? Anyway, I saw this book and I thought you don't get much more English than that…other than Shakespeare and I know how you feel about Shakespeare."

I remembered an evening many years ago where I had let fly on the subject of Shakespeare, bemoaning the fact that whilst the works were undeniably great they were probably written by more than one person and attributed to the single man.

I grinned.

"Thank you!" I said. I leaned towards him and kissed him on the cheek.

"No problem."

That night we watched a lame film on the sofa, picking holes in it until we barely heard a word, we were laughing so much. I sat in my usual position, wrapped in Derek's arms and legs. He held me tightly. His hands stroked my arms, his fingers laced with mine. Sometimes when we were like this I forgot the girlfriend and remembered Kingston all those years ago.

As I grew sleepy I wriggled even closer to him. He smiled.

"I fly thousands of miles, and you're the tired one?"

"No. I'm just comfortable."

"So am I." He said and I felt his lips against my neck, and after a while, small kisses along the bare skin on my shoulders where my pyjamas gaped. I groaned and leaned back into him.

"Next time I go away for a long time, come with me." Derek said in the dark of the living room

"As what?" I asked amused.

"I don't know. My official ego-deflator?" He suggested. I giggled.

"Okay. I can do that."

"Good. I'll get you on my staff. Do you want a salary?"

"How much were you thinking?"

"I was thinking a tub of Phish Food ice cream a week."

"Hmmm…make it a tub of Phish Food and a tub of Rocky Road and you have a deal."

"Done!" He said, kissing me on the nose. We laughed.

Derek sighed. "I mean it Casey. Next time I'm away for more than a week, I want you to come too."

"I'll try. It depends on work."

He flicked the TV off.

"Come on. Let's go to bed."

I slept chastely in his arms, but then I always did.

My best friend and I.

* * *

**A week later:**

"I'm sorry, Ed. Something's come up. I can't make it."

"Casey," my other step-brother protested. "We are due at the reception in forty five minutes!"

"I know. And I was already in my evening dress, make-up on and hair done. I'm sorry."  
"What's the excuse?" He asked.

"Derek phoned."

"Oh?"

"He has a crisis. I need to go bail him out."

"Literally?"

"No. Some personal crisis."

"How come he didn't phone me?"

I laughed. "I have no idea Ed, and you can bawl him out about it later, but in the meantime, I really need to go."

He laughed. "No problem. I'm just sore you came up with an excuse not to attend this thing, I wish I could. Can I come too?"

"Oh come on. How popular would you be if you didn't turn up to your own Christmas party?"

He snorted. "They won't notice."

"Yes they will. Go. Have fun. I'll speak to you tomorrow when I find out what the Derek Disaster is."

"Fine. Good luck. Call me if you find a reason for me to ditch."

I laughed. "Ok hun!"

I wasn't kidding. I was in a midnight blue full length evening dress, my hair styled and my make-up perfect. I should be entering the ballroom at a posh hotel on the arm of the step-brother who _really was_ a brother. Instead, I was hailing a cab and hurtling across town on an errand for the other step-brother – the one I would walk through fire for. The one I almost did walk through fire for.

* * *

He was standing on the sidewalk in a black tie suit and my heart leapt. It wasn't the formal dress that did it – he could be wearing grubby sweats or rags and I would still go weak at the knees. I saw him gulp as I walked towards him.

"You weren't kidding when you said you were on your way out." He said his voice tight.

"Relax, D. I was doing the supportive sister thing for Ed."

He did relax, a lot. It made me laugh at how jealous we got of the lives we led away from each other.

"You look…wow!" his voice trailed away. I got the message.

"What's up?" I asked changing the subject. "I came as soon as I could."

"I need you to come and help me with something. Do you mind?"

I frowned. "That depends. Is it a prank?"

He huffed. "No. It isn't."

I looked suspiciously at him.

"No. Casey. It isn't."

"Good."

Derek looked offended.

"Sorry." I muttered. "Come on then lead the way."

So he took my hand and turned to lead me up the sidewalk.

Walking required some assistance. My dress was beautiful, stunning – and tight. I had heels on too, so we were forced to take our time.

"So what is the problem?"

"When we get inside." He said, rubbing my hand with his thumb, and pushing the door to the grand building.

Inside he led me to the elevators and we rode to the third floor. We moved quickly so I couldn't see the signs which told you what the series of wooden doors along each side of the corridor contained within.

"Derek. It's 6pm on a Friday night, what the hell are we doing here?"

He stopped in the corridor.

"I'm going to ask you a question and you are going to tell me the truth. And then I want you to promise me something. Agreed?"

I frowned. "You're making no sense, but I never tell anything but the truth. I can't guarantee I'll make the promise though."

He shrugged. "Fair enough."

We stood opposite each other and I waited. Derek looked uncomfortable.

"Do you love me?" he asked, eventually.

I closed my eyes and bit my lip. Even without looking at him I knew he was staring at me. I opened my eyes again to check.

Yup, his eyes were burning into mine.

"Yes."

"Are you _in_ love with me?" He clarified. Derek moved his hand and I could see it shaking. I reached out and caught it.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Please, Casey."

"I love you. I'm in love with you." I whispered just wanting to know what was upsetting him so much.

And then he smiled a grin, wide and so heart-felt it lit his eyes.

"I love you too." He said, squeezing the hand that still held his own. "And I need you to promise me that you will just switch your brain off now and let your heart run your mind for a while."  
"You're making absolutely no sense."

"So what's new?" He smirked. "Please Casey. Heart, not mind. Promise?"

"That sounds dangerous."

"Not dangerous. But definitely a leap of faith. Now promise…and I'll make you a promise…you won't regret it."

Trust and love. That's what it came down to. And if there was one person on the planet who I trusted, it was the man standing in front of me. He had bullied me, and teased me, because he loved me – and I loved him.

"I promise."

He let go of my hand then and reached into his jacket pocket and I noticed his hands were really shaking now.

"Derek?" I was worried.

"Sign this, please."

"What is it?"

"Our marriage licence."

* * *

I know what you are thinking.

This has to be the biggest Derek prank on the planet yet. And for about thirty seconds, I thought that too;

Until I looked at him.

Actually, I stared at him and he stared back. It was a bunny-in-the-headlights kind of look. A sort of 'oh shit, what do I do now?'

The piece of paper he was holding was still shaking because the hand grasping it was shaking. There was a wetness in his eyes threatening to escape too.

I bit my lip and raised a hand to steady his wrist again.

"Breathe, Derek."

He gasped a breath and I chuckled.

"Where's the pen?"

* * *

Why were we there at 6pm on a Friday night? In the deserted halls of the marriage bureau?

Well actually, the bureau wasn't deserted, because when I had signed the piece of paper that gave us permission to marry, and Derek had planted a very, very chaste kiss on my lips, he opened a nearby door and pulled me inside.

"Hello Casey!" Benny was grinning from ear-to-ear. "Glad you could make it." I smiled back and turned to the beauty standing beside him.

"Hello Louisa. I'm glad you're looking so well." And she was. She was dressed more conservatively that I had seen her before, and she was holding Benny's hand tightly.

"Thank you, Casey. You look beautiful." It was heartfelt, and I knew she meant it.

"Shall we get started?" One of the two strangers in the room asked.

And then Derek and I got married.

* * *

**AN: I suppose it's a bit of a pin-bubble moment, but technically you can't get married in New York state this way. Because there is a 24 hour wait between both parties signing the licence and you being allowed to marry – to stop hasty marriages! But where's the romance in that.**

**Incidentally, I don't do this very often, but I do have a picture of Casey's wedding dress. Unfortunately the only version I can find has me wearing it… For the dress' sake I'm trying to find the other picture where it is worn by a model.**

**A few more chapters to come…**


	20. New York Minute

For a New York night this close to Christmas, it was mild, but I still didn't want to hang around outside. It was Derek's suggestion to go to a little diner nearby and we must have looked really strange sitting in what was basically a 'greasy spoon' wearing evening dress…

And not talking.

We were alone again. Benny and Louisa, still hand in hand had left us after the short ceremony. Benny made some crude joke about needing to leave us to consummation and the marital bed.

I was glad when they had gone.

Sitting opposite me, Derek was pale, and I guessed I must be too.

"Did we seriously just do that?" He asked quietly, reality hitting home.

"Yes. We did. I've got a ring on my finger to prove it."  
"Me too." He said, holding up his left hand.

"Fuck!" I couldn't help it.

"Don't worry. I'll let you off the buck for your swear box." He sighed. "I might chuck a Benji in myself."

I gaped at him.

"Der-ek! This was _your_ idea! I just answered the phone and agreed to help you out of your 'fix'! You were the one that arranged for us to get married!"

"You didn't have to say 'yes'!"

"Actually, I _didn't_ say 'yes'. I said 'Where's the pen?' You were the one who whipped it out so fast I didn't see the blur."

"As the actress said to the bishop." Derek muttered.

I bit my lip, because the same thought had gone through my own mind even as I said it.

"Moron!"

"Now, Now, wifey, calm down."

I leaned across the table in what I hoped was a threatening manner.

"If you _ever_ call me that again, so help me Derek, I will pickle your penis."

I can't even begin to describe the look on the waitress' face as I uttered that sentence…or the look on my face when I realised someone other than my husband had heard it.

Derek did what Derek usually did when I embarrassed myself big-time. He smirked and became excruciatingly polite.

"Two coffees please. And I'll have…the Death by Chocolate. Casey, you want some?"

"Don't tempt me." I hissed, contemplating choking my new spouse by ramming a plate of chocolate tarte down his throat.

As the waitress made her escape, Derek grinned. "I'm your husband, babe. I'm supposed to tempt you."

I glared at him. He laughed.

Why did this man always put me on the back foot?

"Why? Derek." I asked. "Why? Why did you get us into this situation?"

He snorted. "I might have known this would be _my_ fault."

The waitress brought us bitter, cheap coffee and we sipped it greedily, because the taste was so awful it made everything _real _– less dream-like. Or should that be nightmare-ish?

There was silence for a while as I watched Derek _inhale_ the dessert. His free hand was on the table and I noticed he had stopped shaking now. (Was it food or the fact he had been witness to another of my Life's Most Embarrassing moments?)

My own hands had started to tremble. He was calm so I was not.

That figured. We really were polar opposites.

"Say something." I pleaded when he had finished eating and it was safe for him to talk.

He raised an eyebrow and started to open his mouth.

"Something sensible." I added hastily. He closed his mouth and looked thoughtful.

"What the hell are we going to say to the family?" He said eventually.

"'Hi Mom! Guess what? You're not the only Mrs Venturi in the family anymore'?" I suggested.

Despite the situation, Derek smiled.

"OR, I'll be sleeping in Derek's room this Christmas but it's okay…he's my husband." He chipped in.

"We'd sleep in my room actually. I can't sleep in your bed. It doesn't feel right." I felt the need to point out. He pulled a face.

"You don't have a problem sleeping in my bed in New York." He said, amused again.

As he spoke, Derek slipped his hand into his jacket pocket and retrieved our copy of our marriage certificate. He laid it on the table, checking it was clean and dry first.

"You know. This doesn't say 'I married my step-sister'."

"I'm not your step-sister anymore, I'm your wife."

"You're still my step-sister. The one doesn't negate the other."

"The one is a legal status, the other isn't." I protested.

"I know. Not only are we legally allowed to have sex, it's a requirement. You do realise non-consummation of the marriage counts towards grounds for divorce."

"And I can divorce you for unreasonable behaviour. I'm thinking the last hour counts."

"Fine. I've got my lawyer on speed dial."

We locked eyes…till I caved.

"This is stupid. We're even arguing about divorce." I said sadly. "We can't hold a conversation without arguing." I picked at my dress. "We probably aren't even sexually compatible."

"We were fifteen years ago." He said softly, his fingers playing with mine on the table. I was sure we were both replaying that night over and over in our heads.

Derek went on. "And we do have conversations where we stop arguing. They are normally the ones which leave us with one foot in the bedroom, desperate to…"

He took a deep breath. "Like last night…"

I looked away.

"…when we talked about going to London together next time we both had vacation days owing, and I kissed the back of your neck and you leaned into me and kissed my jaw."

I closed my eyes, the memory of last night making me warm. Derek had been different last night, sincere and even more affectionate than before. I guess he already had the wedding plans in mind. His tone now wasn't so different.

"Casey." Derek's voice was so quiet I could hardly hear it. "Why did you marry me?"

"I told you why." I whispered.

"No you didn't. You said I talked you into it. That wasn't true."

I shook my head. "It was, Derek. You asked me if I loved you, and then said you felt the same way."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. You've said it before. Except that fifteen years ago you were as young, and frankly as foolish as I was. The fact that you can still say it to me now and mean it, after the lives we've led; and the fact that I can hear you say it, and the feeling is the same as it was back then – _that's_ why I married you. "

Derek stood up and came round the table to sit next to me.

"Why are we arguing?"

"Because we're awake?" I said wryly, but I smiled at his body's close proximity to mine.

My husband smiled back. It brightened his eyes which were doing that warm, inviting thing that they do. I hoped it wouldn't be too long before we were properly on our own.

"I love you Casey Venturi."

"I love you too."

And for the third time in fifteen years, and the third time that evening, Derek kissed me on the mouth.

It wasn't sedate this time. It was needy. We only came up for air when the waitress coughed loudly. Suddenly bereft as he released me to pay the check, I watched him closely, searching for reasons why he had such a dramatic effect on my heart and, dare I say it, my body. I found hundreds.

After she'd gone, I settled back against his arm which had wrapped itself around me.

"I need you to answer me a question." I said seriously.

"Sure."

"It's our wedding night."

"Yup."

"What the hell are we doing in a diner?"

He frowned in confusion.

I put a hand on his upper thigh. "It's a legal requirement now Derek. Benny had a point about the marital bed." I leaned in close and kissed my way up his neck to his chin and then his lips.

Derek abruptly woke out of his trance.

"Come on." He said, pulling me out of the booth and grabbing our coats, he made for the door.

* * *

"We still need to work out how to tell the family." I announced as the scenery whizzed past.

Derek groaned.

"Do we have to talk about this tonight?"

"We have to talk about it at some point."

"Yeah, but on our wedding night????"  
"I'm sorry, it's just…"

"It's okay, Princess. Get the 'freaking' out of your system now, because the moment this cab stops, you're all mine…" he smirked as his voice trailed away.

I raised an eyebrow.

"As soon as the cab stops?"

"We ought to wait until then, I don't think the cab driver wants to be treated to a Derek and Casey special in the back of his cab."

I rolled my eyes at him, but my arm was behind his back and, unseen, my fingers were tracing patterns on his bare back under his shirt.

He was kissing me again. I'd lost count of the kisses by now.

The cab stopped close to the entrance to my apartment building, and Derek paid the driver and helped me out – I was still in the evening dress and getting in and out of vehicles was not easy. We entered the foyer and made for the elevator.

As soon as the doors closed, he pounced.

"You. Owe. Me. Fifteen. Years. Worth. Of. Sex." He announced, punctuating every word with a kiss against my neck.

I giggled. "Collecting tonight?"

"I'll take a down payment, Mrs V."

"I'm sure we can agree terms."

Derek looked up at the floor indicator. "Could this elevator go any slower do you think?"

"In a hurry."  
"I have a desperate _need_." He said smirking at me.

"Oh? How long's that been brewing?"

"That depends whether you mean the current example of my…predicament which started right about the time I first saw you in that dress, or the fifteen year one since your mother coc…"

"…yes, thank you, honey. I think we both know about that without the need for explicit words."

"I love it when you use big words! It's like having my own personal librarian. With the emphasis on the 'having'."

"I'm assuming the sudden dirty talk is down to your…predicament. If I let you make love to me will you stop talking like that?"  
"For a while. You'll have to…release the tension on a regular basis though."

"So I'm your own personal safety valve?"

"Something like that."

The elevator pinged. "Finally!"

I laughed.

We made it to my apartment without causing a scene for my neighbours, and I unlocked the door. Before I could stop him, Derek had scooped me up off my feet and was carrying me over the threshold.

"You know a slipped disc would be a great way to start our married life." I said with a smile.

"You weigh nothing. You don't eat enough." He complained, kicking the apartment door shut behind him, and not waiting for me to switch the lights on before he carried me to my room. Correction: _Our_ room!

He put me back on my feet and we stood watching each other.

"It won't be the same as before." I cautioned.

"No. It will be better. I'm not worried about getting caught in your dorm room. I'm not worried about you getting cold feet. And I'm not as worried about physically hurting you, now."

"We have a lot to talk about, don't we? Our apartments, jobs, family, kids or no kids, and our future."

Derek brushed my cheek with this hand. "Yes. But at least now we know we have one."


	21. Putting Out The Trash

And how was it?

He he! That implies _it_ only happened once…

…Did it? That would be telling. After all, what happens between a husband and wife in the sanctity of the marital bed…

Let's just say Derek was Derek - and I didn't get a lot of sleep. (I wasn't complaining.)

* * *

"Casey. Answer your door." Derek mumbled against my neck. He was trying to make out he was asleep, but he'd been awake five minutes ago…or his roaming hands had been anyway.

It was 9.30am the morning after our impromptu wedding. I'd called into work and told them I was taking the week off. Derek also had the week off with only a guest appearance at some talk show to promote the charity he was patron of. So we had hoped to spend sometime together. I guessed that Derek probably hoped to spend it all in bed. He certain seemed keen for me to be the one to get up and answer the door.

"Not a chance, Derek. I'm worn out. And as that is largely your fault…you can answer the door – or I'll be too tired for anymore "entertainment" today. And I suggest you do it soon because I'm getting sick of the noise."

He groaned, and recognising he was losing the battle, swung his legs out of bed. He grabbed boxers and a t-shirt from my chest of drawers, and I wondered just when exactly he had started leaving clothes here…I hadn't noticed.

I heard him cross the apartment to the front door but I couldn't tell if he checked the spy-hole. I really wouldn't hold out much hope for a home invader who picked on Derek. His hockey training had left him with an enviable physique.

He opened the door and then all I heard was silence.

After several seconds, it freaked me out. I grabbed my robe to cover my own naked body and followed him into the living room.

Derek was still holding the door open, and a very shocked Edwin was still standing outside.

"Ed!" I correctly identified. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Evidently." Edwin said, looking his elder brother up and down and, no doubt, noting his half-dressed state. Ed turned to look at me. I suspected I looked as though I had just spent the night having lots of sex.

Derek stepped back and Edwin entered the apartment.

He didn't look too impressed.

"I called your office, Casey and they told me you had the week off so I thought I'd see if you wanted to do something…but now I can see you already are."

He didn't _sound_ impressed either.

Derek shut the door.

"Nice to see you, bro."

"I'd say the same, but I'm afraid I can't be too happy about seeing so much of you in Casey's apartment when she's wearing so little. Did you sleep with her?"

Protective Edwin…bless him.

Derek sighed. "Ed…"

"You promised me when you started this pseudo-friendship thing that you wouldn't hurt her. You promised me that you wouldn't start anything."

"I know."

"The trouble with you, Derek is you never keep it in your pants. You spare no thought for the girl."

"Ed." I tried to intervene.

"Casey. Let me finish."

Derek straightened. "Ed. You have no idea what my love life is like, so drop it okay. I don't sleep around… I didn't sleep around." He corrected himself.

"I'm not going to let you hurt her. Brother or no brother."

"I'm not going to hurt her."

Edwin didn't look convinced. I stepped forward and Derek put an arm around me.

"Casey. We talked about this. We agreed you seeing Derek was a bad thing."

"I know. But, I'm not seeing him."

"Oh. This is fuck-buddy time is it?"

I almost laughed. Edwin was _so_ not the type to know much about fuck-buddies. Mind you, neither was I. I glanced at Derek who was also trying hard not to laugh.

"Ed. You've got the wrong idea."

"So enlighten me."

Derek grinned. "Casey is my wife."

* * *

Poor Edwin. I could see all his thoughts passing across his face: disbelief (that it was true), suspicion (that it was a Derek prank), surprise (because Derek was now holding up his left hand and mine, as well as passing him our marriage certificate), and hurt (because he realised he hadn't been invited.).

I dealt with the latter emotion first.

"Ed, hun. It was a sudden thing. We had witnesses and that was it. Even I didn't know about it until I was saying 'I do'."

"You married Derek." He stated. I nodded. "Why?"

"I have a thing for hockey players. He was conveniently around so I thought 'what the fuck!'"

Derek looked away and he was biting his lip…hard.

I relented. "Ed. Come on. You know why. Because Derek and I should have never have ended our relationship all those years ago."

Edwin glanced at his brother. "You still could have told me." he said accusingly to Derek.

"First I need to convince myself, and then I had to convince Casey. It's only now I'm getting around to convincing everyone else." He scratched his head. "Please Ed. I'm hoping you, of all people will understand."

Ed who was in love with _his_ step-sister.

Not me! The other one!

Edwin took a deep breath. "Come on then. Tell me the whole sorry tale."

So I disappeared into the kitchen to make coffee while my husband-cum-step-brother entertained my brother-in-law-cum-step-brother. Was it me or was the back of my neck red?

* * *

"So." Ed asked an hour later, after we had explained how we had grown close enough again to get married. "Did I interrupt something with my visit?" He waggled his eyebrows.

Honestly, his Groucho Marx impression was toe-curling.

"Only Derek snoring, and frankly, it's one to miss."  
Edwin and I laughed. Derek looked offended. "I don't snore."

I patted his hand. "You keep telling yourself that, darling."

"So…who knows?"

"You, Benny, Louisa." Derek listed.

"None of the fam?" Ed asked. We shook our heads.

"We haven't had chance. And to be honest, I think it would be better to spring it on them in person rather than over the phone."

Ed nodded. "Can I tell Liz?"

I smiled. "Just how often _do_ you two talk?"

Edwin looked uncomfortable. "Every day."

"What does Trash think about that?" Derek asked. Trash was Lizzie's Greenpeace boyfriend. _My _spouse was playing with my hair where it brushed the shoulder of the jumper I had changed into. We had both showered and changed soon after Edwin arrived, and looked more respectable. And a little less like newlyweds.

"Trash got binned." I could tell Edwin relished that sentence. "Liz says he developed an aversion to washing."

"Ew!"

"You must be heartbroken, Ed." Derek added, a smirk settling on his face.

"I have to say that the air around Liz is a little sweeter right now." The younger brother also smirked. "I am really looking forward to telling Liz about _your_ news."

"Well make sure you swear her to secrecy. We don't want the parentals to know just yet. Or Marti."

I glanced at Derek in surprise. "We're not telling Marti?"

My husband (sorry, I'm going to keep using that phrase. I still love it even now, years later!)…My husband grinned. "Of course. She's too cocky for her own good, is our youngest sister. So I think I won't bother to tell her."

"Won't she notice when the two of you turn up at Christmas?" Ed asked.

"Probably…I'm going to see how long it takes her to ask what is going on."

* * *

Edwin stayed a little longer and then left. As I saw him out the door, I put a hand on his arm.

"What are you going to do about Liz?" I asked softly, not wanting to draw Derek's attention to my question.

My brother smiled. "I was planning to spend some time doing brotherly things with my eldest step-sister. But as she appears to be busy, I guess I'll go see my other step-sister and tell her your news in person."

"And…?"

"We'll take it from there." He said.

"Nervous?"

"Very." He admitted.

"So was Derek. It made my decision a lot easier." I pressed a little kiss on his cheek. "Go get her, Tiger."

"Seriously…Case…ew!"

We chuckled and he left, still grinning.

I closed the door and walked back into the living room to where Derek was sitting. He watched me pick up my cell phone and dial.

"Who you ringing?" he mouthed. I shook my head.

"Hi Liz!!!! Yeah, I'm fine. Erm…look hun. Do me and yourself a favour. Shave your legs and make yourself look gorgeous for a couple of days."

My sister's confusion was audible.

"Casey…are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine. But you're getting a visitor so I'm just giving you a heads-up."

"Who?"

"Ed."

"Ed?? Why's Ed coming to see me?" She sounded panicked…in a good way.

"I promised him, he could tell you that. Just do as I said."

I finished the call and looked up to find Derek smirking at me.

"What?"

"Did you used to do that whenever I came over? Shave your legs I mean."

"No."

"Why not?" He pulled me down onto his lap.

"Because you never gave me any warning that you were on your way over. You just used to turn up on the doorstep."

He ran a hand down my leg.

"So how come you never had hairy legs?"

I smiled. "I shaved every day…just in case."

* * *

Two days later, I got the call from mom. She wanted to know if I was coming home for Christmas. I answered in the affirmative and then she sighed.

"Well at least that's one of you that I've managed to get an answer out of. I can't get Liz, Edwin or Derek to answer their phones. Have you seen any of them?"

"Ed was here a couple of days ago, he said something about needing a break so he was going to drop off the face of the earth. Liz has broken up with Trash so she probably isn't feeling like talking and Derek…"

I paused to swat his hand away from my breast.

"…will either turn up or not."

"I needed to know for Aunt Madge. She wants to stay."

"Oh. Say yes to her. Derek can have the couch."

"Casey! I thought you two had stopped all that."

"Mom. I'm sure Derek would say the same thing." The subject concerned raised an eyebrow. I smiled which he seemed to take as an invitation to kiss me. I let him, and closed my eyes, barely registering my mom's voice in the background.

"I guess I'll do what I always do, hope and plan that you'll all be there."

"Sounds good to me, Mom." I agreed, somewhat breathlessly.

The call didn't last much longer.

Mom's words had me thinking, though, so I texted Liz.

**Is everything okay?**

It was a couple of hours before I had a reply, by which point we were back in bed and my phone vibrated on the nightstand.

**Perfect…thank you. ;-)**

I wondered if they were in a similar position to us right now.


	22. Aunt Madge

I was nervous when the time came to go home for Christmas, so Derek made fun of me. But when I watched him closely, his hands were shaking too.

We drove back to London, taking a couple of days to do it because we had the time to. It continued our "honeymoon" a little longer, although he had promised me a proper honeymoon, after our "proper" wedding. We both knew that we would only be forgiven by our family if we gave them the opportunity to watch us take our vows - and then party.

Married life must have given Derek a little more faith in my driving ability…actually it was the threat of separate beds that might have done it…because he let me drive his car some of the way. I pointed out that he had stated we shared everything now and as I told him, that also meant the car.

I behaved. I drove sedately, and let him choose the music.

Even driving slowly though, we did eventually arrive in London.

"Are you okay?" He asked me as we passed through the outskirts and travelled towards home.

"I'll let you know in an hour."

Derek smiled.

"Sweetheart. This is actually none of their business. We don't ever need to tell them."

I stared at him in disbelief.

"Oh yeah. That's going to look great in a year or so when I announce I'm pregnant."

We'd had the "children" talk.

Okay, we'd done more than that. We'd ditched the contraceptives already. Nice though it would be to have some time as a couple, what we both really wanted was a family. I had been worried that the longer we left it the harder it would be to have children. Thirty four wasn't old, but we agreed we didn't want to take any chances. So my comment about it taking a year was my pessimism kicking in. Derek already thought I was pregnant. He said there was no other explanation for my "mood swings".

He was kidding…I think.

* * *

I was the one driving when we got to the house. I parked in front of the house and climbed out. George was clearing the drive of snow.

"Nice car, Casey." He said with a smile.

I grinned. "Thanks."

"When did you get that?"

"Two weeks ago."

"It looks expensive."

"Not really, it was part of a package deal." I said, giving my step-father a hug.

That's when Derek got out.

"It's not hers." He said.

"Derek! You did come!" George didn't bother to hide his surprise or his delight.

"Hey. I wouldn't miss Nora's cooking for the world. And someone said some thing about Aunt Madge."

George rolled his eyes. "She's upstairs lying down in her room. Sorry. That would be _your_ room. You'll have to bunk with Ed."

"Or something." Derek muttered.

Mom appeared at the front door.

"Casey!" Then there was a pause. "…_and_ Derek?!" She narrowed her eyes at me. "So the rumours of a co-operation between you were true. Are we signing the Armistice this holiday?"

"Ha ha. Nora." Derek said, giving his step-mom a hug. They each grabbed a bag from the car and we all walked up to the house. Derek and George went back for more luggage.

"You look good, Casey." Mom said, pulling me into her arms. "Better than I've seen you look in a while. And I'm so pleased you and Derek are talking again."

"Mom. About that, I…"

"Casey?"

It was Aunt Madge. Derek's great aunt, seventy five by now, and still sprightly.

I had seen her a couple of times since the famous Derekus. That Christmas she had been a ready source of Derek stories, giving me ammunition whenever he reminded me of some embarrassing moment I had endured.

I liked her.

And then the never to be forgotten Christmas where Derek and I had arrived as a couple and parted the next day…

Aunt Madge had been there too.

She was the person who got me through the first forty eight hours. All she did was sit with me for ten minutes, but the words of wisdom she gave me then kept me going for months.

"Casey. Only you can decide what is best for you. You have to listen to the opinions of the people you trust, but at the end of the day, it is your choice."

And when Derek left suddenly and she found me crying, I had asked what if I had made the wrong choice, she had smiled.

"You are young. That is the best time to make mistakes, because you have your life ahead of you to rectify them."

"I know I'm young, and I've loved people before, but this was different. This felt different. This felt like every door in the world opening up for me. It felt like I could climb over every obstacle laid in front of me because Derek would be there, pulling me up, or knowing him booting me up the backside. Not having that anymore, feels like I'm free-falling. I lost more than just a boyfriend. I lost my best friend. Does he not want even my friendship anymore? Do I matter so little?

Madge had been silent for a while and in hindsight, I guess she was probably wondering whether to say something or not. In the end she did speak.

"I know Derek. I've known him since he was born. His first smile was a cheeky one. His first word was a rude one, and he learned to stand up so he could steal cookies from the kitchen counter. But he has a good heart. The couldn't-care-less attitude is an act. He is careful not to over step things and he only pushes people when he thinks it will do them good. You know how he is with Edwin. He wants Ed to stand up to him, and one day, Ed will. They are very close, but you'd never know it. And Marti. Forgive me if I say that his behaviour to you is similar to the way he behaves towards Marti. It's not a brother-sister relationship with you, but as he is devoted to her so he is devoted to you. He loves you Casey. To me that is obvious."

"So why did he leave?"

"Because it hurts too much to be around you." She had stood up from my bed then and stepped towards the door. "You are in love with each other. Only time will tell if it is the forever kind. If it is, at some point, months down the line, you'll find each other again, and this time it will be with the benefit of hindsight. You will know what you are doing. And you'll be older. No one will be able to say you are too young, or that it is puppy love. I can't tell if that will happen, Casey, no one can. My advice would be, live your life as fully as you can, and above all remember how you feel today."

I had lived by that. I had dated, but I had never married. Because there always came a point when I realised what I felt for the guy was nothing to what I felt for Derek. And as that door was still ajar, I could not give up hope.

Thank God!

* * *

She came down the stairs slowly, but there was nothing doddering about her. Her arms were opened wide for me and I stepped into them.

"Nora's right you look good. Better." She said smiling.

"You look fantastic, yourself." I grinned back.

"Did I hear Nora say that Derek is here?" she asked, quietly. I nodded.

"Did you come here together?" Madge asked again. I blushed and nodded.

"Casey?" She said and her voice held suppressed excitement.

My smile grew wider.

Mom looked confused, but before I could say anything, George and Derek were back in the room.

"Nora. Where do you want me to put Derek?" George asked, loaded up with bags.

"I…" my mom started.

I interrupted. "Mom. George. If it's okay with you, Derek can stay in my room."

As I spoke, there was a black fog around the edge of my vision and if I wasn't careful I was going to pass out.

"Breathe, Casey." Derek hissed, suddenly beside me, his hand finding mine.

At his touch and with my deep breath, the fog disappeared.

George looked at Mom. Mom looked at George.

Derek took pity on me. "I'm afraid we have a confession to make."

"You're together?" Mom said. There was a tiny upturn to her mouth which I took as a sign of amusement.

"Yes. Although, it's a bit more serious than..." Derek said.

"We got married!" I blurted.

Silence.

"It's not a prank." Derek said quietly. His thumb was rubbing the back of my hand so hard, he was almost through to the bone.

Madge, bless her, was across the distance between us faster than a jack rabbit down a hole. She had both of us in her arms, and when she kissed my cheek her own was wet.

"Oh! What a fantastic Christmas present!" She announced. "When?"

"Two weeks ago. It wasn't planned, it just happened. We're going to do it again, properly." I said, my eyes pleading with my mother to understand.

Derek was detaching himself from his great aunt and turning towards his father.

"Dad?"

"You two never do things by halves do you?" George said. And then he laughed.

"What is it about you two and Christmas?"

And then I was in my _father-in-law's_ arms and he was kissing the top of my head.

"I'd say welcome to the family Casey, but…" his voice trailed away. When he released me, I looked at my mom. She held her arms out to me. I walked to her.

"I'm sorry mom."  
"No. Casey. I am. This should have happened years ago." She hugged me, and then Derek. "I guess the sleeping problem is fixed." She joked. "At least you won't have to sleep with Ed."

Derek laughed. "Somehow that might have been a bit crowded."

"Oh?"

"I think Liz and Edwin might have some news when they get here."

The look on the elders' faces was a picture.

Mom turned to George.

"Well, Georgie. You wanted a truly _blended_ family. I guess you got one!"

Madge winked at Derek. "Good job Marti and Robbie are half-siblings."

* * *

That night we took Mom, George, Robbie and Madge out to dinner. It was lovely. I felt as though a large weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Derek was openly affectionate towards me and I never noticed any reaction from the family. Later as we made coffee in the kitchen, I asked my mom about it, and she said she hadn't even noticed.

"Your relationship with Derek has always been tactile. And he still teases you. But now, when I look at you both I wonder how I ever missed it, the love between you. You are the same as you have ever been, and yet so completely different. I'm sorry."  
"Mom. Maybe the reason it works now is because we are older. If we had stayed together, life might have got in our way. So don't blame yourself. I regret the fifteen years of not talking, but I can't be upset about the breakup anymore."

"Good. I'm glad. Now get on with the grandchildren!"

We chuckled.

I got my way. Derek joined me in my room. I suspected that from now on it would be _our_ room. Funny. He had had his room since birth, and only relinquished it when we went to college. And now marriage would rob him of it completely.

I chuckled against his bare shoulder.

"Do you remember our first proper argument? About you giving up your room."

"Yes…" Derek said cautiously.

"I won." I said gleefully.  
He raised an eyebrow. "It's a battle, Case. Not the war."

"Oh?"

And then he pounced, tickling me into submission to the point where I seriously hoped Aunt Madge slept soundly because otherwise her imagination must be running riot.

"Last time I was here," I said, when things calmed down. "I found our picture under your bed." I rested my head on his shoulder again.

"That's where it got to!" he exclaimed. "I found it when we cleared this room so George could paint it. I thought you had thrown it away. I had planned to post it to you, anonymously, but then it fell off the bed in my room and I couldn't find it."

"Post it to me, why?"

He sighed. "I don't know. It riled me that you could discard it so easily. I wanted to send it to you, to make you remember."  
"I didn't discard it. I lost it when I moved. I turned the house upside down looking for it." I paused. "What happened to your copy?"

"It's in my wallet. It's always been there."

"We need some new photos."

"Definitely." He smiled at me.

I glanced across at the air vent to his room. It was firmly closed, I knew because we had checked it earlier when we came to bed.

"Derek?" I murmured suggestively.

"Casey."

"Do you think we could…" I took a deep breath. Derek, however, was on the same page as me.

"That depends on whether you can stay quiet enough." He smirked, and his hands were already finding familiar places.


	23. Lizwin

I watched them from an upstairs window. I saw the car draw up and him leap out and charge around the front to open her door. I giggled.

It was sappy, but it was also sweet.

Derek came up behind me, and slid his arms around my waist.

"What's got you so amused?"

I nodded to the window, and he nuzzled in closer and watched with me.

The car door was open and she leaned out. Her face was amused…no…happy. And as she laughed, and because I knew her, I could tell she was slightly pink in the cheeks at signs of affection she wasn't used to. He held out a hand and she took it, nodding her thanks, and I almost heard the gasp as he yanked her into his arms suddenly.

_So_ suddenly, he fell backwards onto the grass verge, which was currently covered in the snow pile created yesterday by George. She landed on top of him in a tangle of arms and limbs. They wrestled for a moment on the ground and we watched as they stopped giggling and their lips met. The passion between them was obvious. He brushed her damp hair from her face and kissed his way around her face, avoiding her lips while she tried to catch him. It became a game. I recognised it. Derek and I did this a lot.

His hands were exploring her body, mindless of the fact he was lying on his back in the snow. They had both forgotten where they were.

Derek opened the window.

"Hey! Romeo! Leave the poor girl alone. You can maul her later when you don't have an audience!"

Edwin flipped him the finger and let Lizzie catch his mouth.

"Derek's right, Ed. Lizzie's getting cold, come inside." George must have opened the front door. Edwin and Lizzie leapt up with a start and, looking hugely embarrassed and wary of their dad/step-dad, started to brush their clothes off. I noticed Liz had dyed her hair.

I felt Derek grab my hand and yank me towards the door and we made our way downstairs. My husband was smirking as we arrived in the living room.

"Nice entrance, Bro." He teased Ed. "I know Dad and Nora want more grandchildren, but you could have waited till you got indoors."

"I thought you were all for spontaneity, Derek? Like whisking your best friend off and marrying her."

"That was different. It didn't involve large scale public displays of affection on the sidewalk." Derek was separating Ed and Liz now, hugging my sister and pressing a kiss against her cheek.

"Hi Sis. Nice hair."

"Hi Bro. Congratulations."

Derek grinned, released her from his embrace, and grabbed me.

"Surprised?"

Lizzie gave him a "give me a break!" look.

"Derek. I've known you for far too long to ever be surprised at something you do…especially when it involves my sister."

"We aim to please."

I elbowed him.

On the side lines, the elders were gathering. Lizzie took a deep breath and crossed the room to mom.

"Hi Mom! Sorry about the neighbours."

Mom grinned. "It's been far too long since we were the talk of the neighbourhood, don't worry about it."  
"You don't seem surprised." Edwin said, retrieving his lost girlfriend.

"We were given hints."

Ed looked at Derek. "You could have told me. I didn't sleep last night."

Derek shrugged. "You didn't think I was going down on my own, did you?"

"Tell me something." Aunt Madge said from her position in the new upright armchair. "Is it always like this around here or do you save it up for my visits?"

"Aunt Madge!" Ed said with delight. She had stopped the cheek pinching these days. Only Robbie wasn't immune.

"Edwin. You are soaking wet. I'll take my hug when you've changed."

Edwin took the hint and grabbing his bag and Lizzie turned towards the stairs. He stopped. Mom leaned towards him.

"I've put you both in Lizzie's room. Keep the noise down. Aunt Madge is on your floor."

* * *

It took a while for me to get Lizzie on her own. Edwin and Lizzie were as bad as us when it came to being together. But eventually I managed it, under the guise of some last minute shopping.

"What happened?" I asked, adopting Derek's direct approach.

Lizzie grinned.

"You completely threw me with the shaving thing, you know. I mean, I appreciated the warning, but then I panicked…"

And this is what she told me…

* * *

**Lizzie's Story:**

I hung up the phone after Casey called and sat for several seconds just staring at my computer terminal. From the looks on my co-workers faces, it might even have been minutes.

My boss came over. She's nice, and very maternal, so when she saw me looking …disturbed, she told me to take the rest of the day off. I love that woman.

The journey home passed in a blur, but eventually I pulled into my normal parking spot outside my little house.

I had bought the tiny property many years ago with a boyfriend when I had told myself that it was wrong to wait for something to happen with Ed, because even if Casey and Derek sorted themselves out, there was no guarantee that Ed and I would. So Mark and I bought the house with a view to testing out living together…it lasted six months.

I couldn't do it. I had seen Ed that Christmas and we had stayed up till very late talking, and laughing. We had both had a little wine, and were slightly the worse for it.

Edwin had whispered softly.

"I miss you, Liz."

And that was it. I lost one relationship…but I didn't gain another. I dumped Mark, buying him out of the house, but only because there was a still a _possibility_ that one day Ed and I might work out. Not because we could start anything now.

As I got out of my car and picked my way up the icy path to the front door I was mentally searching my wardrobe for something to wear. It was then I realised that despite the fact I had been waiting for Edwin for almost as long as Casey had been waiting for Derek, I was completely unprepared. I turned tail and slipped my way back down the path to my car.

At the mall, I found a cute pair of pale blue-coloured skinny jeans, a long shirt and a wide belt. I wanted a look that said 'casual, but you're a fool if you don't want me'. Next I made the mistake of walking under the bright lights. I looked in a mirror pillar and my eyes caught my hair. Two days previously, as I had been brushing my hair I had spotted two grey hairs. I had shrugged at the time.

Now, I needed hair dye and I needed it fast.

Back at home, I put on some music, ran a bath and started the de-aging process. I might not be thirty yet, but I wanted to feel nineteen again. I slid under the bubbles and tried to calm my thoughts.

The first thing that went wrong was the razor slipped. I thought I had just nicked my leg until I pushed said leg under the water, and nearly anchored myself to the ceiling with my fingernails. When I investigated, I found a large gouge of skin missing near my knee. Ouch! The bubble bath was making it smart badly…and bleed.

I finished shaving with great care and then decided to tackle my hair. It was at this point I realised I probably should have dyed my hair first.

Oh well…

I placed the cream dye on my hair, wrapped my head in a warm towel and went to watch Oprah.

An hour later, I realised what I was doing…I had left the dye on for ten times as long as I should have done. With growing trepidation, I unwound the towel and nearly cried when I saw the colour of my hair.

Oh fuck!

I threw myself into the shower and shampooed my hair vigorously four times. But, I still looked like a member of the Weasley family.

Eventually, I decided to make the best of a bad job, gave up and dried myself off.

Fortunately, the new shirt didn't clash with my new hair colour.

When I was dressed, hair done, and make up on I sat down to wait. It occurred to me to be worried that Ed wouldn't turn up. But before I could explore that avenue too much, my doorbell rang. I fussed by the hall mirror for an eon before my legs would carry me to the door. Then I peeked through the peep hole.

Ed.

I ripped the door open to find him smiling at me…initially. The smile disappeared and he frowned.

"Liz. Do you know your leg is bleeding and what on earth have you done to your hair?"

I burst into tears.

I fucking hate my sister.

* * *

I love my sister.

Ed was through the door in seconds, his bags dropped on my hallway floor, the door shut behind him, and me in his arms.

"What's the matter?"

"My life is so _crap_!" I sniffled. "I'm turning into Klutzilla."

Ed laughed.

"Let me guess. You cut your leg shaving and left your hair dye on too long because you were watching 'Oprah'."

He knows me too well.

"You know me too well."

He frowned. "Who were you making the effort for?" he looked worried. I smiled.

"Casey rang. She told me to expect a visitor."

"Me???" He laughed. "Oh Lizard, that's priceless!"

And then he was kissing me, and I was stunned, because there was no pre-amble, no explanation, just the sensation of his lips against mine.

And it was so RIGHT!

I melted into him and kissed back with as much enthusiasm.

"Wow!" I said when we pulled apart. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, but…why are you here?"

"Well, you see…I heard a funny story on the way to the bank…"

"Oh?"

"Derek married Casey."

I looked at my new paramour.

"For some reason, that doesn't surprise me as much as it should."

He laughed and kissed me again.

"You know the funny thing is, I was going to make a move on you at Christmas anyway. But when I walked in on them having sex I decided they shouldn't have all the fun."

"You _what?_"

"Okay…it's conjecture, but he answered the door half dressed and you should have seen Casey's "I've just been royally fucked" hair."

"So the sibs have got their act together."

"Yup".

"Which means…"

"Which means, my love, it's our turn." And then he pulled me closer and his lips found mine. "I love you, Lizzie. I don't want any future that doesn't include you."  
I let him kiss me…it was so hard! (he he!)

"I don't think I'm ready for spontaneous marriage ceremonies."  
He chuckled. " Me either. But I'm up for spontaneous sex."  
I laughed. "Hmmm…You'll need to be convincing."

"Babe. I could talk the hind leg off a donkey."

And he did!


	24. Marti

**Marti's Story**

"You're reading too much into this, Babe." Simon told me as I flitted round our home angrily grabbing things and pushing them into a holdall. Polly kept tottering towards me and then getting caught in my legs. Simon bent down and scooped our daughter up into his arms, holding her close whilst he remonstrated with me. I wasn't having any of it.

"Oh? Nora has room for us to stay overnight. If the _whole_ family were coming, with Aunt Madge there, there wouldn't be enough bedrooms. Someone isn't coming."

My anger petered out as I got to the end of my sentence, and my voice deflated.

"You don't know that. Maybe one of them is staying in a hotel or something." Simon, as always, the calm voice of a doctor with a bedside manner which I loved!

"I suppose so. It's just…I hoped that we were getting close to a proper resolution. Derek and Casey have spent time together this year. They are talking again. If they are talking, surely they _see_."

"Smarti. I love you more than life itself but, really this is none of our business."

I stopped and stepped towards him.

"When I was ten, the person I loved most in the world came to me and told me he was in love. He asked me if I minded that it was my step-sister. He told me that he couldn't believe he had been such an idiot for so long, and he told me that it scared the life out of him because he was only nineteen and they were still so new, but he wanted to marry her. He laughed at himself. Said it was hormones and his body leading his brain, but his eyes told a different story. When Casey dumped Derek she broke my heart too. But I couldn't be angry with her, because I saw the same depth in her eyes, and the same pain when it was over. It took me so long to be able to speak to my step-mom when I realised why Casey broke it off. They thought I was being rebellious. Do you know how long it took Nora and Dad to realise the truth? Five years. Five effing years! Of Casey and Derek not talking; of them each in pain. And ten years after that, they are still apart."

Simon adjusted Polly so that he could raise a hand to brush the tears from my cheeks.

"I know. I love them both too. And even though I wasn't around for the break up, I can see how they still care about each other." My partner took a deep breath. "You do realise that Derek has been pumping me for information about Casey's life since I met you, don't you?"

"What?!" I looked at him in astonishment.

He smiled. "He couldn't ask the family, so he asks me. Over the years, I've had drinks with him where the main topic was Casey, written emails to him because there has been a Casey update, and sent him photos of her."

"Really?"

He nodded. "The worst times are when she is dating. I hate having to tell him about that. Fortunately, it's been a long time since that happened." He kissed Polly and placed her back on her feet. "Go play, honey, mommy and daddy will be ready to leave soon."

Our daughter ran off, leaving us in an awkward silence.

"Let's go and make the most of this holiday, Smarts."

I sighed. "Sure. Polly needs this."

He kissed my head.

"I hope you realise I'll be doing my usual post Christmas dinner stunt."

I smiled. "And I'll turn you down…"

Simon grinned broadly, confidently. "We'll see."

* * *

Christmas Eve.

When I was a child it was my favourite day of the year, better even than my birthday, because it was when everyone was together. There were a couple of bad Christmases where Dad and Mom weren't talking and everything felt forced, and then Nora arrived and with her the magic returned.

The years before Derek and Casey left for college were perfect. I had almost everyone I loved around me, and the missing link, in my mom, I always saw the following day.

The Christmas Derek and Casey came home in love was the best, and the hardest.

I loved seeing Derek with Casey, because they were so happy. That it didn't last…killed.

We arrived just before breakfast at my childhood home (by invitation), with a daughter who was desperate to see Grandma and Granddad. I was terrified of who I wouldn't see this year.

Simon pulled up outside, and I noticed Lizzie's car and Derek's car. Did that mean that it was Casey who had cried off?

Nora and Dad emerged from the house as soon as the car stopped and helped us unload. I wanted to ask then 'who isn't here?', but I didn't. I simply followed my partner and our family and made my way up the path to the house.

Inside, Aunt Madge was playing poker with Robbie which made me smile. Our family was so unconventional at times! I greeted them both and they were in such a good mood, I couldn't help but respond with equal enthusiasm.

The house was manic, especially with my little firecracker of a daughter who whizzed around the room kissing everyone, and, mindful of the fact I was carrying glass bottles of wine, I moved quickly to the kitchen to place them on the side.

I was used to Mom and George making out in front of the fridge. I had walked in on that so many times as a little girl I got to the point where I didn't notice. So it took me a couple of seconds to register the fact there were two people kissing in front of the fridge.

I put the wine down and coughed, loudly.

Edwin and Lizzie broke apart, guiltily.

"Whoops! Busted!" Ed said. But the sheer joy on his face made me smile.

"I guess you two have something to tell me?" I said, laughing.

"I got a cat?" Lizzie tried. I ran at them both and we all hugged.

"This is one of the best Christmas presents ever! I want to hear all about it!" I squealed.

Edwin kissed Lizzie on the temple. "Later. I promise. I think that there are plans for a story-telling session when the kids are in bed?"

"Kids? Robbie's going to love you for that!"

Edwin grinned. "Anyway, there isn't a reason for you to say no to Simon anymore. We're all here."

"ALL?" I couldn't believe it.

"Derek and Casey are upstairs."

"Together?" I couldn't help it, I had to ask. Before Edwin could answer, a piercing shriek came from upstairs.

"Der-ek!!!"

Edwin grinned at me. "That depends what you mean by 'together'."

It probably wasn't sensible to walk into a war zone, but god I had missed it so much! I turned on my tail and headed up the stairs.

I wondered what he had done this time: honey in her shampoo, mayo in her slippers or removed all her t-shirts in the night. I had seen them all before, and Derek had had fifteen years of no-pranking. Would he be rusty or would he have been planning?

I reached the top step and was about to step onto the landing when I saw that Derek was standing in the doorway to Casey's room, fully dressed and with that characteristic slouch and smirk that used to drive her crazy. I don't think he knew I was there, so I stayed hidden.

In my mind's eye, I was transported back fifteen-plus years and I was the little girl on the landing watching my big brother fight with our step-sister.

"You called?" he sing-songed.

I heard Casey's reply. "Derek, you Jerk!" Despite myself I grinned broadly.

"What have you done now that I'm going to get the blame for?" He asked and even I could tell he knew exactly what her problem was and it was _totally_ his fault. It didn't worry me though, because this sounded, _exactly_ like it had when they were fifteen, sixteen…et cetera.

You get the message.

Casey moved closer to the doorway, so I could hear her better than before.

"Hiding all my panties, Derek. Very grown up."

"Now why would I do that?"

"You mean apart from your underwear fetish?"

"Underwear fetish?"

"Yes. You'll probably sleep with them under your pillow tonight."

Derek shrugged. "Maybe you just forgot to pack any."  
"That might be believable, Moron, but even the pair I wore yesterday have disappeared."

"Have you checked the light fitting?"

"Der-ek! This isn't funny. I am not spending Christmas Eve without panties."

Derek adjusted his stance.

"Why not?" His smirk had grown. "Live a little, Case. Go commando." He turned to walk away.

"Oh you'd just _love_ that wouldn't you?" Casey followed him out of the room in her bathrobe, her voice lowered so that it wouldn't carry downstairs. I heard every word as she continued. "The thought of me, panty-less at the family breakfast. Forget the fetish. I understand now. This is about you and your perverse thoughts about me."

Derek laughed but he too kept his voice down. "Perverse? Since when has having dirty thoughts about my wife been perverse?"

"Since you want your wife to sit with her family with no underwear on."

Derek reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pair of black lace panties.

"These particular ones are my favourite. What will you give me if I return them to you?"

Casey stepped towards him, a very Derek-like smirk on her face. "How about I let you help me put them on?" She said, seductively. She turned around and walked back towards the bedroom, her finger beckoning over her shoulder. Derek chuckled and followed her back into the bedroom.

Which left me, standing on the top step in complete and utter shock.

* * *

**Casey Again.**

Derek closed the door behind us.

"Cool. Think she got the message?" He asked grabbing hold of me, and pulled open the robe I was wearing; his hands stroking the bare skin at my waist.

I smiled. "You should have seen the look of shock on her face when you called me your wife."

"I did." He was holding me tightly now, and pressing kisses against my neck.

"I don't see why we didn't just tell her." I questioned, trying to ignore the insistant way his body rubbed up against mine.

"I wanted an excuse to steal your panties." He said, only half-joking.


	25. The End

If you are thinking that Derek and I indulged in a little marital bliss upstairs while the rest of the family (excluding Marti) waited downstairs, you're wrong. I called a halt to my spouse's wandering hands and made him hand over the panties so that I could get dressed.

He did, however, throw himself onto the bed and watch in an unnerving way. And he smirked.

"That's creepy, Derek."

"I know. But, oh so much fun!" he said, hands behind his head. I rolled my eyes, but this 'being together' thing was still so new for both of us that I was pleased by his attention.

When I was finally dressed, he stood up and slipped his arms around my waist.

"I'm going down to say hi to my niece. See you in a minute?" I nodded and he kissed my neck. "I love you."

I smiled. "I love you too."

Derek opened the door to our room and disappeared. Seconds later, Marti arrived and slammed the door.

"How _could_ you?!" She shouted at me. Bemused, I frowned at her.

"How could I what?"

She looked really upset.

"Play along with Derek and his stupid fucking pranks!"

"Marti…I…"

"On second thoughts, can it, McDonald!" She said. "I'm so hurt right now."

"Marti. What prank?"

My step-sister sobbed. "Walking around calling each other "husband" and "wife". Joking about underwear. Pretending you're in love."

I chuckled. "Who was joking? Derek really stole my panties. My drawers are empty. Go look."

She crossed my room and opened the drawer I put my underwear in when I stayed here. The drawer was empty. She walked back to the bed looking deflated.

"You know." She started sadly as she sat down. "I'm pleased you two are friends again, but this was a prank too far."

I went to sit next to her.

"Marti. It's not a prank." I said as soberly as I could. "Derek and I got married two weeks ago. I really am Casey Venturi. Look!" I waved my ring finger in front of her face. "There's a marriage certificate too."

She stared at me. "How?"

I explained about my mission of mercy (charging across New York in an evening dress to rescue Derek from some unexplained disaster). I told her how he had surprised me with the marriage licence and how we had got married."

"Just like that?" She said in awe. I nodded and then shrugged.

"Well, it wasn't quite plain-sailing. We got outside moments later, now husband and wife and totally freaked. It took a half hour conversation in a local diner to work out that we hadn't made a huge mistake."

Marti was quiet. When she finally spoke, I got the feeling I was still in trouble.

"You got married without me there." She said quietly.

I took her hand. "Because, honey, with Derek and I, timing is everything. If I had said "No…wait…Marti's not here", Derek would have convinced himself that I didn't want him and it might have taken another fifteen years to get back to the same place. This was us getting our act together, Smarts."

After a while, even Marti saw the logic in that. She smiled.

"What about Edwin and Liz?"

"I think they want to tell you about that themselves, but basically Edwin came to see me the morning after we got married. Once he realised that it left the way clear for him and Liz he ran off to see her."

"Oh! I caught them kissing downstairs when I came in." She was amused.

"We caught them rolling around in the snow. Those two have no respect for the no PDA rule." I complained.

"Yup…You're Derek's wife!" Marti announced, grinning. "Come on. I want to tell Simon."

And she stood up and bounced to the door as if she was six again.

I followed Marti out onto the landing and down the stairs. Halfway down we realised something was going on. Marti and I stopped. The living room was full of family and they were all looking at us.

Closest to us were Simon and Polly. The little girl was dressed in a beautiful little purple dress, her hair brushed until it shone and she was wearing a plastic tiara that looked suspiciously like one of the ones Marti herself used to wear. Polly, who could say only a few words held out a little wrapped parcel and toddled towards her mother. Marti stepped towards her to take the parcel.

"Mommy…marry…Daddy." She stuttered, word perfect.

Marti gasped and stared at Simon. Then her fingers tore at the little parcel in her hands, ripping the paper off and revealing a little velvet box. From behind her, I watched as she opened it and revealed the beautiful diamond ring.

The entire room held its breath.

Marti looked at the ring, at her daughter and then finally at Simon.

"You asshole." She said, laughing suddenly.

"YES!"

Simon was at her side in an instant, holding her and kissing her, his face full of joy and Marti giggled as tears fell down her cheeks. The rest of the room followed with the tears. (Ha! Yes, even the Venturi men suddenly developed itchy eyes.)

"Mommy?" A confused little girl said, and Simon caught Polly up in his arms and into the hug with his new fiancée.

I squeezed past them and my husband met me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Now _that_ was a proper proposal." I said, pointedly.

Derek laughed and wound his arms around me.

Simon turned to the rest of us. "I always knew she would never turn down Polly."

"So why didn't you roll her out before?" Marti asked, grinning.

"Because I knew you didn't want me to, until the time was right."

Marti frowned. "And what made this year the right time? I know you planned it, because that's a new dress Polly is wearing. But I didn't know about Casey and Derek or Liz and Ed until we got here."

Simon smiled. "I had help." He admitted nodding towards Derek who looked a bit sheepish.

My husband sighed. "I phoned Simon and told him to make an effort this year because you would say 'yes'."

"You _knew_!" Marti said accusingly, smacking Simon playfully. He laughed.

"Not exactly. I suspected. It was a couple of weeks ago and Derek was a bit giggly."

"I was _not_ giggly." Derek protested. "It was the day after we got married. I was distracted."

"_That_ was your secret phone call!" I said, remembering Derek having a whispered phone call while I was pretending to have a post-sex nap. I had assumed he was talking to Benny.

He _had_ giggled.

"You definitely giggled, D."

Everyone laughed. Derek sulked.

There was a pop from the kitchen and then the chinking of glasses as George emerged with a large tray of champagne flutes and an open bottle of fizz. (and two glasses with just orange juice in them…I love that man!).

"How about we make this a champagne breakfast?" He suggested. "Seeing as we have four fantastic pieces of news to celebrate."

"Four?" I asked.

George beamed. "Nora's pregnant again."

Stunned silence.

"Only kidding!" My step-father said with one of his characteristic laughs.

"Georgie!" Mom protested.

"George!" Me, Lizzie, Simon and Aunt Madge reprimanded.

"Dad!" Derek, Edwin, Marti and Robbie chorused.

Then all of us giggling, we passed around the champagne glasses and toasted three very happy couples.

* * *

**Christmas Eve Night**

Polly was in bed and sound asleep. We could hear her regular breathing through the baby monitor. Robbie had retired to his room, no doubt to update his Facebook page with something about his "weird, dysfunctional" family.

The rest of us were flopped in the living room, groaning still over the weight of food we had consumed a couple of hours earlier.

Mom sat up.

"So come on you six. I want to hear it all, how it started." She said.

We all moaned. Derek nudged Edwin with his foot.

"Go on, Ed."

Edwin shook his head. "I only know less than half of it. It's you or Casey that needs to tell it."

Derek looked at me.

"You're up, Babe."

I shook my head too. "Der-ek."

"Come on. You're the literary genius."

"You're the one with the published work." I retorted.

He kissed my cheek. "Yeah, sweetheart, which you _edited_."

They were all staring at me.

I sighed.

"Okay. But if I do this, I have to tell it as though I am writing…okay?"

"Sure." Mom said.

I sighed and settled back against Derek's chest to tell the story.

""_I've put you in the spare room." Mom said to me. "We're decorating your room, and with the house being so full the only other bed was Der…the spare room."…"_

* * *

"You are going to have a wedding though, aren't you?" Marti asked me later, when everything was much quieter and we were standing at the window looking out at the falling snow.

"I'll make a pact with you. You marry Simon as soon as possible, and Derek and I will have a wedding." I replied.

"How about you renew your wedding vows at our wedding and we share the reception?" She suggested.

My breath caught.

"Oh Marti. That's a lovely idea. Do you think Simon would go for it?"

"Frankly, Casey, if I said I wanted to get married in the middle of the frozen food aisle at Wal-Mart Simon would back me wholeheartedly."

We laughed because we both knew she was right.

"What about Ed and Liz?" She asked.

"They'll get there. But, I think it is a bit soon for them to be contemplating marriage. They are still in the rabbit phase."

"Rabbit phase?" Marti asked, innocently.

I looked at her meaningfully.

"Oh." We smiled again.

"Marti. I am grateful, you know, for the pushing. Derek and I might have got there in the end, but the thought of the wrath of Marti helped us get there sooner. We might have left it too late to have a family if we had let nature take its course."

"Family???" She said, smiling.

"We're trying. I'll keep you posted."

"I love you, Casey." Marti said suddenly. "Sisters should say that more often."

"I love you too, Marti." And I slipped an arm around her shoulders and we carried on watching the snow fall.

* * *

"Happy?" I asked Edwin when I managed to get him to myself for a few moments the next day.

"Yes actually I am. I've finally found a reliable date."

"Oh?" I asked, amused.

"Yeah. My last one was appalling. She once turned me down to go marry the love of her life…Women!"

We laughed.

"Thanks Casey. For getting me through the wilderness years."

"You took the words right out of my mouth, bro."

"It was fun though, eh?" he asked.

"Yes Ed. It was."

"You've only ever been a sister to me, and that's all I will ever see you as, but there were moments, hun where I got what Derek saw in you."

Tears welled in my eyes. "Lizzie is a lucky woman, Ed."

"Everyone should have a sister like you."

"Sister-in-law, Ed. We're not acknowledging the step-relationship, remember?"  
He grinned.

"Will you marry her?" I asked softly.

"Waiting for the right moment. It may take a year or so though."

I nodded.

"Look after him." Edwin said.

"Look after her." I replied.

And then no more words were spoken, because no more words existed.


End file.
